Okolelani

"Grandpa, what would you name a baby girl?"
"By the Wax of Jessica! Why would you ask?"
"Ummm cuz I just wanna know what names are out there."
"Well, my little pie, I like your name, but that's already
taken. I like to not go with a common name. Your aunty's
name is Mahina. Not a common name. It's a Hawaiian
name that means Moonlight. Your mom's name Moani
means Fragrant Gentle Breeze. And your name means
Maile leis. But if I had to pick a name for a baby girl,
I would probably go with Okolelani which means
Heavenly Okole. Yup....that would be a good name."

Conundrum

"Grandpa,
sometimes
do things
bother you?"
"What'r you
talking bout?
Have you
been watching
Family Guy
again?"
"No, I was
just thinking
how Belle is
able to fall
in love with
this grotesque
Beast guy....
I mean, what
is that mess
all about???
Is that even
possible?
Cuz if it's on
Disney, it's got to be for real, right?"
"By the sweat of Whitney! That stuff is just movie crap.
In real life, Belle would have got on her I-phone and
called 911. Then the SWAT team would've taken Beast
down. Garson would be with his mahu boyfriend. Belle's
dad would be playing small roles on B movies, and all of
those talking clocks and teacups would be in Goodwill."
"Yeah, but what about the 'falling in love' with a beast part?
Is that possible? Is it possible to see the inner beauty in
somebody and block out the physical ugliness of that guy?"
"It's one of those 'conundrums'. Everytime I see a pretty
girl with an ugly guy, I think, 'that guy must not be ugly'."

Aunty Maylani

"Grandpa, who are these funny people?"
"Oh, that's your mom."
"No, you Filipino knucklehead, these other two."
"Oh that's Uncle Tucker and Aunty Maylani."
"Grandpa, what kine of name is Maylani?"
"Well, my little mochi ball,, it's kind of like a
Hawaiian name, but not really. There's a lot of
Hawaiian names that end in 'lani'. Like Leilani and
Hualani and Noelani and Mahulani. The reason is
when you put 'lani' at the end of a name, it means
'heavenly'. Like Leilani is 'heavenly lei'. And Noelani
is 'heavenly mist'. Mahulani of course means
'heavenly mahu'."
"So Grandpa, what is Maylani?"
"What choo tink? Heavenly month of May."
"Oh..............................................Um..........okay."
"Good thing she wasn't born in February."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws70oI3yMBc

"Tough Question Easy Question"

"Grandpa,
you old and
retarded
knucklehead
... I gotta ax
you this....
Is it rain if
it's not falling?
I mean, if it's
still a part of
the cloud, is
it called rain?
Or is it rain
only if it's on the way down?"
"By the beard of Ilsa! If it's still on the cloud, then
it's cloud. If it's falling down, then it's rain."
"But Grandpa, at some point the raindrop will break
away from the cloud and become a raindrop, right?"
"Yeah, so at some point, it's cloud, and then a millisecond
later when it separates itself from the cloud, it's rain."
"Grandpa, you Visayan orangatang, there's a millisecond
when the raindrop separates from the cloud, but it's not
falling...it's almost like it's floating, right before it falls, yeah?"
"Um.............................................................yeah?"
"Grandpa, if you mix yellow with red, do you get orange?"
"Well, most certainly, that would be a definite YES!"

Short and Mental

"Grandpa,
you old and
retarded
bookbook
orangatan...
what is the
best kind of
jokes?"
"Well, my
little chicken
wing, I think
the bestest
kine jokes
are the kine
that's short and mental. Like this one...
There was two blah lahs talking to each other
and one said, 'Ho brah, I really feel like eating
some Poke right now.' and the other blah lah
said, 'Ho brah, Gumby going be so sad and den.'"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhczFRlBT2E&feature=fvw

Perpetratin'

"Grandpa,
what is one
of the most
retardedest
things that
you've ever
seen?"
"You mean,
besides the
mirror in my
bathroom? I
suppose that
one retarded
thing I ever
seen was when I saw this guy wearing fake glasses.
He has perfect vision, but he liked to "accessorize"
and so he got glasses with lens that wasn't prescription.
Why not get hearing aids and stick em in your ear too,
you knucklehead? Or how about one of those cool voice
generators that Stephen Hawking uses? Use that too!"
"Grandpa, these glasses are real. These are Grammy's."
"Oh........................Ok..............nevermind den. Just don't
be wearing fake glasses for the 'look'. That's retarded."

Princess Pupule Get Choke Papayas

"Grandpa,
check it out
...Lola has
a statue of
Artemis in
front of her
place."
"By the dew
of mountains
... that isn't
a statue....
that's what
we call a
papaya tree.
Your Lola
planted the
papaya seed
in February
and just 10
months later
this tree is
like full of
papayas."
"Grandpa, how many months would it take for a seed
to grow into a papaya tree there in the mainland?"
"How many months? Ha Ha Ha! You crack me up."
"Grandpa if I let the tree smell my kili kili, will it make
the papaya taste better?"
"Kili kili smell make food taste better? Hmmmmmm."

Statue Got Back

"Grandpa,
what is this
statue all
about?"
"Yes, well
my little
spam roll,
this statue
in front of
the Hawaii
Convention
Center is
sposed to
represent
the generosity and goodwill of the Hawaiian people.
The front of the statue has the guy pouring out some
Hawaiian water from his hands, showing his aloha."
"Umm....I like it cuz his butt gives me a lot of shade."

Inexplicable

"So Namaile,
what's up with
that pose?"
"Pose? No brah
I always stand
like this....Hey,
you old mental
bookbook, you
got any jokes?"
"Um....well I'm
not sure if I told
you this one....
So there's this
blond chick and
she was driving
her car down
the road, maybe
she was going a
little too fast so
a cop pulls her
over. The cop
is a blond too.
So the blond
cop says to the blond driver, "You were speeding.
May I please see your driver's license, please?"
So the blond inexplicably pulls out a mirror and
shows the mirror to the blond cop. And the blond
cop looks at the mirror and is like, "Oh...why didn't
you tell me that you were a cop?"
"Grandpa, I like the part where you said, 'inexplicably'."

Namaile and Kaylie

"Get by, get high, gonna try, gonna eat junk food,
gonna wake up late and no clean my room,
gonna act mental whenever I feel like it,
gonna borrow each other's clothes whenever,
gonna text 24/7 you as soon as I get a phone,
gonna hassle our old bookbook dads
with a little help from my friends."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDF04fQKtQ&NR=1

Who's a Knucklehead Now?

"Grandpa, if there was no gravity, wouldn't life
be so much funner?"
"By the dew of Hermon, life would be hilarious.
Let's say you were on top of a van, and then you
jumped off ... well you would just start floating
in the air and then your Grammy would be like,
"Hey you knuckleheads! Namaile is floating in
space, somebody get her." She's all panicking but
hey! There's no gravity. So I would be like, "Hey
you knucklehead Grammy, look! I can float too."
And then I would float away to grab you, and then
we'd end up on some cloud. Then we'd both lie
down on the cloud and look down at your Grammy
and say, "Hey! Grammy! Who's a knucklehead now?"

Carseat Bumpin'

"Grandpa, why does music make me wanna dance?"
"Umm... okay.... why does music make people dance?
Well, in our brain there is a happy chemical that will
react to the different tones that is heard in music.
This happy chemical is called seratonin which comes
from the Greek words 'Sera' which means 'shaking'
and 'Tonin' which means 'Tones with a beat', plural.
So when you hear the bumps, it shakes your rumps."
"Grandpa, are you full of crap.... just making up crap?"
"Making up crap? Ha ha ha ha ha! You crack me up."


http://namaile.blogspot.com/2007/11/bookbookhawaiian-girl-dancing.html

Namaile and a Dude With a Chinese Outfit

"Hey"
"Um....."
"So my name
is Namaile....
my Grandpa
is retarded."
"Um......ok"
"I like your
outfit....what
is it? Are you
Chinese?"
"Um ......I'm
not sure....
I think my
mom is from
bookbook
land and my
dad is haole."
"Okay....so,
anyway, it's
cool, did you
wear it at
Long Beach?"
"Yeah, I got
like 4 of 'em.
One green,
one red, one
with flying
Dilberts on it, and this one. What about you? Your
dress had big polka dots on it. It's pretty nice."
"Yeah, my mom bought it. I wore one outfit in the
morning and this one in the afternoon."
"Why'd you change? Did you soil yourself?"
"No. Do you ever watch TV and the performer
changes her outfit after every song? That's why
I changed. That "THING" I wore earlier is so
15 minutes ago. You know what I mean?"
"Um....no.....are you a performer?"
"Am I a performer? Ha Ha Ha! You crack me up!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_D0i7UC9UY

Two Chicks Talking

"Kaylie, did
you see what
that Ho was
wearing?"
"Omg, did
you ever see
anything like
that before?
I wouldn't
ever, ever
wear that
mess. She
prolly got it
at Goodwill
...ha ha ha."
"Um...yeah!
You know
what? That's
where my old
and stupid
Grandpa gets
his retarded
clothes!"
"Ha ha ha!
Hey look at
that one or
there. She's
a wreck. I
think that
she watches
Disney and
said, 'Mom,
take me to
Macy's and
buy me some
Miley Cyrus.'
Ha ha ha.....
Hanna Mess
Tana! She's
so meh. Her
dad has a
mullet."
"Um yeah.... my old and stupid Grandpa is a mullet."
"Group hug. Namaile, I'm so glad we're not retarded."
"Retarded like Hanna Banana? Or retarded like my
old and retarded Grandpa?"
"Ha ha ha.... same thing."

Seaworld Mirror - Part One

"Grandpa, do you ever talk to your mirror?"
"Oh yeah, all the time... I usually say stuff like,
'You're an idiot' or 'Why didn't you use sunscreen
when you were younger?' or '50 is the new 30' or
'Is this what you have become?' or 'One day soon,
you'll be older and stupider, like maybe tomorrow.'
or 'Where did that come from? That wasn't there
yesterday!' or 'Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the
retardiest of them all?' .... stuff like that."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdQ9jh5GvQ8

Seaworld Mirror - Part Two

"Grandpa,
check out this mirror.
It's pretty
retarded. I
don't think
it's entirely
accurate."
"Yeah, well
mirrors are
never really
accurate.
First of all,
what you
see in themirror is backwards. So if you got 5 zits on the right
side of your face, you've actually got 5 zits on the LEFT
side of your face. If you see in your reflection that you
got spaghetti sauce and a piece of hot dog on the right
side, it's actually on the LEFT side. On the other hand, if you look in the mirror and think that your butt is fat,
the mirror is probably right. In fact, your butt is probably
fatter than you think. So....Yeah, mirrors are retarded."

My People Also Eat Spam

"Grandpa,
check it out
I'm eating
a piece of
chicken in
a rice thing
wrapped in
seaweed."
"Well my
little bran
muffin, you
actually do
not have
chicken....
what you got there is Spam. Spam is made
out of cow hoofs, dog berries and pork gristle.
It's high in protein. It's also high in gristle. The
Nori seaweed just holds the sticky rice together.
It's good assembly food. Why not eat a couple?
People from Hawaii just love eating Spam. And
bookbooks use it in their spaghetti when there's
no hot dogs in the refrigerator. And it's no wonder
cuz it's high in sodium and cow, pork, and dog.
You'll enjoy the sticky rice and how the starch
immediately turns into sugar. The bloat is good
for napping in the afternoon session."
"Thanks Grandpa for that nutritious lunch."
"Nutritious? It's Spam. Ha Ha Ha! Bon apetit!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_eYSuPKP3Y

Too Much TV Can Be Bad Sometimes

"Grandpa,
check it out
... I'm doing
what books
do best.....
pose."
"Actually,
my little
haole girl,
not every
book is good
at posing....
take me for
example, I
wouldn't say
that I'm a
good poser."
"But didn't
you used to
be a male
model?"
"Male model,
um yeah, but
that was a
long, long,
long, long
time ago...
about five
years ago...
but lately
I've been
just a male."
"That's ok
Grandpa,
I can show
you a few
poses. Just
pretend like
you're in a
van. Then
just pretend
like you're
a mental girl from Seattle. Then when you smile, just
think about 'I wonder what Tyra Banks would do.' If
you can pull it off, people will be like, 'That girl is pretty.'"
"Um...yeah....that's exactly what I want people to think
of me whenever I'm posing in a van passenger seat."

Just Your Typical Bookbook Outfit

"Grandpa, do I
look bookish?"
"If I had me a
dictionary, and
of course I don't,
but if I did and if
I looked up the
word "bookbook"
I would see your
picture wearing
that outfit."
"Grandfool, what
is up with books
and our propensity
for wearing colors?"
"Well, now you got
me confused cuz
you just used the
word 'propensity',
but I would say
that books like to
wear colors cuz of
electricity in the
Philippines. What
happens is that
at certain times of
the day when you
got a lot of people
home watching
'Wowowee', there
is a great demand
for electricity. And
when the demand
for electricity is
high, the power
companies no can
handle, so they got
this thing called a
rolling brownout
where power goes
out for a certain
amount of time so
that you got no
light. And if you got no light, then you just put on
some bright outfit, like what you're wearing right there,
or what most Ilocanos wear on a daily basis, and then
the brightness of the outfit will light up the dark night
so that you won't be bumping your head on stuff."
"Yeah, but Grandpa, first of all, I thought a 'rolling
brownout' was you putting on pants. Secondly, 'putting
on a bright outfit' indicates that a person was at some
point not wearing a bright outfit, which isn't possible.
And third, putting on something to light up the night
doesn't explain why books wear the brightness during
the day. All day. Everyday."

"Grandpa, I think that USED to be true. Books don't

dress like that anymore."

"Oh reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllyyyyy?????....................."

Curly Straw Vic 20

"Grandpa, check out my drinking thing. It has a cool straw."
"Yeah, that thing looks like it came from the future!"
"Yeah. Grandpa, did you ever get something from the
future? Something as cool like my cool drinking thing?
"Yeah, way back in the early 80's I had this cool thing.
It was a Commodore Vic 20 computer. All I had to do
was write out about 10 minutes of DOS stuff and then a
PacMan game would appear. That was from the future!"
"Grandpa, did you just make a random and inaccurate
comparison of my curly straw cup and your old computer?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUEI7mm8M7Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ3d-XMH3Uo

Daddy's Home

"Grandpa, what was it like when you came home
from work? Did my mommy hug and kiss you?"
"Yeah, but that was a million years ago."
"Grandpa, I like it when my daddy comes home."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UNy6EGVyO8&feature=fvw

Roller Coaster at the Puyullap Fair

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I'm on this
mental roller
coaster. It's
not really
that fast but
it's still fun.
I think I'm
going around
80 miles an
hour or so."
"Yah, roller
coasters are
mental. They go up and down and sometimes
they go really fast and other times it's going
really really slow. But when it goes fast, it's
ripping fast and it makes you scream loud.
When you get into it, you gotta buckle up
cuz if you don't it'll throw you out. And then
when it stops, it won't go again unless you give
it money. After you walk away, you think, "I'm
such an idiot for going around and around in that
thing. But the screaming part was fun."
"Grandpa, are you talking about roller coasters,
or are you talking about Grammy?"

Sweet Baby Namaile

"Grandpa, you old Filipino freak, what's the key to
having a good night's rest?"
"Well my little Yick Lung chip, there's a couple things:
1. Pratesi 800 count bed sheets
2. Large fluffy down pillows
3. Good background music - Old JT
4. Foot massage right before moi moi
5. Late night wine or JWalker Black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2EZUw2mvjs

"Grandpa, What's Mo Betta?"

"Grandpa, what's better?
The Oakland Raiders now
or the Raiders back in the
70's?"
"Well, my little Ho-Ho, the
Oakland Raiders in the
70's dominated everybody
but now they just are sad
and pathetic."
"Grandpa, what's better?
The music now or the
music back in the 70s?"
"Well, my little dumpling,
today you got Lady
Gaga, Michael Buble and
the Jonas Sisters but in
the 70's you had EWF,
Kalapana with Mackey,
and Gabby."
"Grandpa, what's better?
TV now or TV in the 70's?"
"Well, my little Twinkie,
today you got Leno,
America's Got Talent and
Wayne Brady. But back in
the 70's had Carson, Gong
Show and the original cast
of SNL. "
"Grandpa, what's better?
Your basketball skills now
or your basketball skills
back in the 70's?"
"Well, my little apple pie,
back in the 70's I could
dribble the ball, now I just
dribble."
"Grandpa, what's better?
Uncle Damian now or my
Uncle Damian in the 70's?"
"Well my little blueberry
muffin, your Uncle Damian back in the 70's was cute
and always listened to me whatever I said. Now he
looks like Dog and Leland should be hunting him
and then telling him, 'Hey brah, why you went
skip bail and den?'"
"Grandpa, what do you think about this picture
of me and Uncle Damian and this other picture
with Uncle Damian and my mommy in the 70's?"
"Same thing I think when I see you ...'How come
you guys gotta grow up?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJg8ICcjVH4&feature=related

Making Shee Shee at Seattle Hyatt

"Grandpa, check it out, this bathroom is huge."
"Yeah, Grand Hyatt Seattle. Yankee players and
their wives are all over this place. They like the
big bathrooms."
"Grandpa, why is there a telephone by the toilet?"
"That's just in case the president is calling you or
if you need to call Pizza Hut for another pie."
"Grandpa, why is there marble tile everywhere?"
"Yeah, that's so when you get the garden hose out
you can just spray the walls and everything."
"Grandpa, why am I smiling when I shee shee?"
"Yeah, well that's cuz shee shee is a happy maker."

Ten Questions from Namaile

"Grandpa, I got ten questions. These are very important."
"Shoots"
"Number 1: Have you ever refered to Grammy as Shawtie?"
"No"
"Number 2: Have you ever pluralized with a 'Z'?"
"No"
"Number 3: Does Grammy prefer 'Thelma' or 'Toi'?"
"Thelma"
"Number 4: Do two wrongs make a right?
"No"
"Number 5: Can you spanishize a word by adding an "O"?
"Yes"
"Number 6: Have you ever seen the yellow mustard mountains?"
"No"
"Number 7: What sounds better, Ilocano or Visayan?"
"Visayan"
"Number 8: The worst singer ever?
"Either Britney or Nelly Furtado"
"Number 9: Bookbooks squat because....?"
"...Because squatting facilitates flatulations."
"Number 10: I'm squatting because....?"
"...Because you're a bookbook."
"Thank you Grandpa, you are a wise man."

(random TOP song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DptRJzHNI6A

Grandpa, What an Icebox?

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I'm eating
popsicle by
my front
porch...it's
so good cuz
it's super
hot up in
here."
"Yeah well
at least you
got a real
popsicle....
me and your
Grandpa
Dan used to
have to make
popsicles....
we had some
tupperware
thingys and
then we'd
put some
juice in it
and then I
had to put
it in the ice
box and we had to wait for it to freeze. So
it would be so stinkin' hot but the stuff wouldn't
be ready to eat till it was evening time. And like
mental boys, we'd look to check to see if it was
frozen yet...but like I said, it wouldn't be ready
till it wasn't hot outside anymore. After awhile,
the plastic tupperware had teeth marks from
where I'd bite the thing to get the last piece of
ice. Anyway, you don't have to worry bout that
cuz your mommy and daddy buys you real popsicles
not the fake kine that I had when I was a small kid."
"But Grandpa, wasn't it funner that you made your
own stuff? I think that's cool you made popsicles."

If People Talked Like Dogs Part I

"WORF! WORF! WORF! RAWRFFF!"
"mmm mmmm mmm mmararawarf"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chrP2MukhIQ

If People Talked like Dogs Part II

"woorf woorf woorf"
"arrr arrr raarf"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDUBVFt21ps

LadyBug Cupcakes and Hoodies

"Grandpa, look.
I'm wearing a
hoody and it's
the middle of
summer and I
got a ladybug
cupcake."
"Yeah, one time
I saw this kid
walking from
Radford High
School and he
was wearing a
hoody ... what a
knucklehead!!
It was Hawaii
and the mental
boy is wearing
a hoody. But
then I thought
about it and it
makes sense
cuz his heroes
on the latest
Juelz Santana
video was also
wearing hoodys."
"Bla bla bla bla
Grandpa, yeah
whatever... so
what do you
think about my
ladybug stuff?"
"Yeah, that's so
cool when they
make food look
like insects. So
I guess it was
too hard to make
a grasshopper
cupcake, so.......
Your Uncle Troy
just made some
cornbread cup-
cakes... what a
co-in-key-dink.
There's two best
parts of cupcakes
....one is the crust
cuz crust is always
good...and two is
butter when it's
not all the way
melted...just some
of it is melted and
the rest is still a
little bit cold and
when you bite it
you can taste the
hot and the cold
butter."
"Hey, retarded
old Ilocano ape,
....um...nothing...
I just felt like calling you an old Ilocano ape."
"This ladybug reminds me a little bit about a
song that I remember from Sesame Street. It's how
your mom and Uncle Damian learned how to count to 12.
Your Aunty Mahina and your other two knucklehead
uncles never really watched Sesame Street."
"Grandpa, how come they never really watched Sess St?"
"They were too busy, doing chores and schoolwork......."
"Ha ha ha! Chores and schoolwork? Grandpa, you crack me up."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr8vUTm64h0

(Plup...Plup...Plup) "Hey! Where'd These Bubbles Come From?"

"Grandpa, the water is nice and cool here. That's good cuz
it's super hot now in Seattle now. But how come the water
is warm right here under my butt? ....Mmm....Aaaaaaaaah."

You Get a Faster Buzz With a Straw

"Grandpa, how
come I never
see you drink
coffee?"
"Well, my little
turon, I drink
every once in
a while, but it
gotta be de-caf
cuz me and caf
don't get along.
I used to be
able to drink a
billion cups of
coffee a day,
but for some
reason, in 1994
caffeine started
giving me head
aches....so now
I can only drink
de-caf. Not cuz
I need to, but
cuz I like the
taste. We used to percolate a pot of Yuban or Folgers
every morning. Our house used to smell so good when
that stuff was brewing. I miss that smell. But now, I'll go
to SB once every two weeks or so whenever the car group
feels like it. Then I'll just get me a Grande De-caf Americano
with extra extra extra caramel. If they had some steamed
milk ready, I'd ask them to pour a little bit of it in the cup.
That's what I drink. Then I'm good for the next two weeks.
Bla bla bla bla bla ... me and my de-caf ....bla bla bla bla."
"That's funny Grandpa, cuz all I heard was 'bla bla bla.'"

Don't Poke the Baby's Head, and Don't Spank Grammy's Butt

"Grandpa, look! There's three bolo head babies. Two fake
ones and one real one. Tessa and me got the fake ones."
"Well my little dingleberry, thanks for the clarification.
You know, you have to watch out for babies' heads. He's
got a soft spot on the top of his bolo head...so don't poke
it or else his baby brains is gonna spill out."

"Grandpa, don't you hate it when people tell you stuff
that you shouldn't do, cuz now I wanna touch his head.
It's like, 'don't touch the wet paint' or 'don't feed the
animals.' Why'd you have to tell me that? Now I wanna
poke the top of his head and see how soft it is."

"Oh Namaile, did I ever tell you that you should never
never spank your Grammy's butt? Cuz if you spank her,
she'll give you a lot of candy and stuff."

I'm Almost Positive That I Got One

"Grandpa,
how do we
know that
dinasours
really were
around? I
mean, have
you ever
seen one?"
"That's a
really good
question my
little buttah
mochi....So
anyway, we
know that
they lived
cuz we got
their bones.
But you're
right, if we
didn't have
the bones,
who can really say that they saw one? I never saw one.
So since I seen pictures of the bones, I can definitely
say that a long long time ago, there were dinasours."
"Grandpa, I can't see your brains...you got one, right?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10zrO5FNxB8

Michael Boobla-gay

"Grandpa,
did you know
that it hit 139
degrees last
week here in
Washington?"
"Ummmmm
I don't think
it was 139...
but I heard
it got pretty
hot.....I like
your pool."
"Yeah, your
mom likes it too."
"Namaile, let me tell you what happened today. I share my
office with 2 other people, so when I play my music I try to
include stuff that they like too. What's bad is when I'll have
like 10 good songs in a row, and then I'll play some crap like
Michael Buble for this engineer in the office. But do people
walk in when Marvin Gaye, Raphael Saadiq, or Kalapana is
playing? No, they walk in when Michael Booblagay is on. So
they're like, 'Roy! What kind of crap is this?' Then they look
at me like I got a chancre on my face.....I hate that."
"Grandpa, you're old and stupid."

Facebook Bookbook

"Grandpa, is it
ok when people
generalize?"
"Well my little
bowl of steel cut
oatmeal, what if
you see a barrel
of fuji apples, and
you find out that
they're all sweet,
but then buried
in there is a red
bell pepper, how
sweet is that?"
"Grandpa, that
analogy doesn't
make sense. Are
you mental?"
"Ok, how's this
one...Facebook is
so full of books
that it should be
called Facebookbook."
"Grandpa, it's all of you old people that's ruining Facebook.
Now I gotta find another place to network and kill time by
doing quizzes like, 'What kind of knucklehead are you?'.
Why do all of you old people gotta ruin young people's stuff?"
"Looks like you got this generalizing stuff down, little girl."

"Who Taught You That Mess? My Grandpa."

"Grandpa,
you're an
idiot, right?"
"I prefer
to be called
stupid."
"So why do
people put
peanuts in
their nose?"
"Oh........I
don't know...
maybe.....
they're thinking, 'Man,I wish I could smell a peanut or
two right now.....or maybe somebody had flatulated
and putting peanuts in their nose will block that putrid
smell of butt air.....or you know how some bookbooks
like to point with their nose? Well if you have peanuts
in your nose, it makes the pointing more exact......I'm
thinking that there are millions of reasons why people
would put peanuts in their nose."
"Yeah Grandpa, but why did you do it?"
"I don't know, it was the seventies and we were wild."
"Grandpa, you really are an idiot, aren't you?"
"Well, actually there's a part of me that's hoping that
one day you'll put peanuts in your nose....and your
peeps will be asking why'd you do it....and you'll be
like, 'I'm a Guilao, and that's what Guilaos do.'"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUDs_1m_qBk
(JB don't do no lip sync)

"Grandpa, You're Old."

"Grandpa, are you old?"
"Yeah, I'm so old that when I go to the bakery,
I look for stuff that has bran in it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfEE_nYehZ8
(random song)

Before and After

"Grandpa,
you got any
good 'before
and after'
stories?"
"Yeah, well
before I was
young and
stupid, but
now I'm old
and stupid.
Before your
Grammy
used to go
window
shopping...
but now she
likes to go
for real kine
shopping...
Before your
Grandpa used
to play ball for
two or three or
four hours, but
now he's just
pathetic.
Before, we used
to drink water
from the faucet
but now we go
buy our stinkin'
water."
"Grandpa, you got any 'before and after pictures of my mom
and Uncle Daniel Galla and Grandpa Dan Galla? Like some
old 'before' pics from 1979 and then some 'after' shots now?"

Changing the Subject

"Grandpa, how do
change subjects?"
"Oh, that's easy...
all you gotta do is
say, 'So...anyway.'"
"Can you show me
how you do that?"
"Okay.......it's like
I might say, 'So
whenever I take
a shower, not all
of the liquid that
goes down the
drain comes from
the showerhead."
"Grandpa, what
does that mean?"
"So......anyway..."
"Okay Grandpa,
I see how you
did that."
"You can also do
it this way, if you
wanna change the subject, all you gotta do is say,
'Hey look at that cloud up there! It looks fluffy.'"
"Grandpa, can you show me how to do that too?"
"Okay, I could be like, 'Oh my goodness, your
Grammy is so mental...I can't believe what she did.'"
"Grandpa, what did she do?"
"What did she do?......Hey! Look at that cloud up there.
It looks all fluffy."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

Namaile and Sammy

"Grandpa,
check out
my friend
...her name
is Sammy."
"That's so
cool when
a girl's got
a name that
can also be
a boy name.
Like some
girl's got
names like
Alex or Ed or Charlie or Leslie or Riley or Jordan
or Reese or Tyler ............. anyway, that's cool."
"Grandpa, check it out...she's biting her bottom lip."
"Yeah...books like to do that like when they're getting
serious or when they're dancing."
"Thank you Grandpa, you're pretty retarded."

"Yeah, No Ack....Just Press."

"Grandpa, would
you say that I'm
a local girl?"
"Well my musubi,
I think that most
times you're a
local girl. Like if
whenever you put
plumerias in your
hair, I think that's
a local girl.
And if you've got
plumeria earrings
to match the flower
in your hair, that's
pretty local.....
but if you walk in
to Grandpa's house
and if you don't
take off da slippahs
.... that's NOT very
local....and if you
walk by your Aunty
Mahina without a
kiss and a 'Hi Aunty'
that's not very local.
And if you call
somebody older than
you by their 1st name
only.... that's not very
local....'Hi Junior Boy'.
....'Eh, mainland girl,
call me UNCLE
Junior Boy'." When
you go somebody's
house, local people
bring food. And help
out when you go there
no just sit around and
watch TV while all
the other people are
cleaning up. Learn how to use chopsticks
so you don't have to ask the waitress for a 'fork'.
When Gabby comes on the radio, don't say 'That guy
sounds so tribal.'....somebody will slap your head. And
if you're driving a car, don't honk your horn...........rude."
"Grandpa, is there anything else I need to know so that
I can be a local girl?"