Gigantic Flowers? No Thanks

"Whoa,
that's one
gigantic
flower!
Big, Yeah?
In Hawaii,
if you see
somebody
with one
flower on
their
right ear,
that means
they're
available.
But if it's on their left ear, that means they're doomed.
And if the flower gigantic like this is on the ear,
that means that they're knuckleheads.
"Hey Mental! That flower is bigger than your head!"

Aunty Jenae

AJ: Hi Namaile.
N:HI AUNTY!
AJ: Why
are you
yelling?
N: WHAT?
AJ: Yah, I
don't know
why but
it sounds
like you're
yelling
at me.
N: NOT! I
NEVAH!
AJ: Well actually, you are. Is it because you're
jealous cuz you live in Washington and I live
in Hawaii? And are you yelling cuz I get to eat
plenny kine Hawaii places, like Zippy's and
Libby's Manapua and Leonard's Malasadas
and you don't? Or are you yelling cuz we get
plenny different kine Hawaiian Radio stations
over here and UH Volleyball on TV and you don't?
N: No, I stay yelling cuz I got one giant doodoo
in my pampers....dass why. Anyway, I'm not
even Namaile...I'm your other niece, Calin.

Namaile in a Toy Store

"Yippeee!
Toy Store!
Lemme see,
I like this
one and I
like that
one and
Oooooh,
that one is
nice too.
This one
get pretty
colors and
that one
smells like
candy, and
I think I
saw that
one on the
TV. OK....
this one
needs 3
Triple A
batteries,
and this
one needs
some acid
and that
one needs
a propane
torch and
Hoh da tired
now I stay.
An den....
Hello Mr.
Duck. I no
like buy you
cuz I think
you smell
a little bit
like Vicks.
Anyway......you like hear one joke? Ok den...
This duck walks into a bar and the bartender
says, "What can I get you?"
The duck says, "I'll have some grapes."
The bartender goes, "Here you go..."
Then the duck goes, "Just put them on my bill."
Okay.....well...I guess you heard that one already.

Hey Crazy Girl! Catnips Are For Cats

I wonder
what would
happen if
Namaile
were to
get into
the catnip??
"YEEEEE
HAAAAW!
Stop
tickling me
you crazy
cat! YOW!
WAAHOO!
YAAAZAAACKAAZOOO!"
Crazy Cat?......I don't know...
How about...Crazy Baby????

Yo! Armpit Fat!

"Hey! Are
you guys
looking at
my armpit
fat? In
some
cultures,
armpit fat
is a sign
of beauty.
Some
people
wear
tank tops
just so that you can see their
armpit fat. So I thought, why not
write a song about my armpit fat?
'Armpit fat, feel like I'm gonna lose my mind.
Yes I keep on taking my love over my armpit fat.'"
(Sing that to the tune of 'Borderline' by Madonna)

Bowling Alley Buzz

Smart girl.
Use a straw
to get the
faster buzz.
How much
is one
Mickey's
Big Mouth?
Anyway,
it used to
cost about
5 bucks for
6 pack. But
if you use a straw, then you only need 1 bottle,
2 bottles max to get the 'euphoric giddiness of
light headed bliss'. Dass right, use a straw, save money.

Hey! No Hit the Baby!

"Hey you big
knuckleheads,
ya'know how
bowl or what?
Go for the 1-3
hole and den.
Try spin the
ball more.
Hey Grandpa
Ritchie, I
thought you
knew how to
hook 'em an
den. Hey,
how come
you guys put
me in the
alley? What?
No act. You
guys mad or
what? Can
dish it out
but cannot
take it yah?
Hey, no hit
me an den.
I going call
the manager
you wait."

Mm-mm-mm means YES

Hey little girl, do you like
to suck your thumb?
"Mmm-mmm-mmm"
Ok, when I ask you something
and you go 'Mm-mm-mm', that
means yes, ok?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, are you a good girl?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, does 5+5=10?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, do you like the Raiders?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, is your grandpa cool?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, do you have fat arms?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, do you like to eat dog?
"Mm-mm-mm."
Namaile, which singer makes you more crazy....Celine Dion,
Bright Eyes, or Sanjaya?
"Mm-mm-mm."

Uncle Al and Namaile - 2 Amigos

"Would you
say I have a
plethora of
pinatas?"
"A what?"
"A plethora."
"...Oh yes.
You have a
plethora."
"Jefe, what is
a plethora?"
"Why, El
Guapo?"
"Well, you just told me I have a plethora. And I
would like to know if you know what a plethora
is. I would not like to think that a person would
tell me he has a plethora, and then find out that
the person has no idea what it means."
"Forgive me, El Guapo, I know that I, Jefe, do
not have your superior intellect and education,
but it could be that once again, you are angry at
something else, and are looking to take it out on me?"

She's a 3.8

"Ok little girl...
tell us the
difference
between the
different
bookbooks."
"Well, I believe
there are 4
kinds of Bookbooks.
1 is the kine that just came off the
boat. Their accent is very strong.
'Dis pood is exfensib'.
2 is the kine that's lived here awhile, their clothes
match a little bit. 'Dis pood is expensib'.
3 is the kine that's born here, speaks a little tagalog,
eats dog occasionally. 'This food's expensive.'
4 is the kine that's born here, don't know any tagalog,
hair is dyed blond, and calls himself Asian. 'Let's go to Starbucks'."

Crazy Hats = Crazy Babies

"Wheeeeeee!
I got this
mental hat
on. In fact I
got a bunch
of mental
hats at home.
Wheeeeee!
Yahooooo!
I got only
2 teeth!
Yippeeeee!
I can barely
stand on my
own and I
occasionally
pee in my
pampers.
Oh-oh! I think I just pee'd......
Yup, I pee'd.
Yow-Zah Zippity Zappity Doodle Day!
Zappity Crunchy Peanut Butter N Jay!"

A Very Observant Little Girl

Well, little
girl, tell us
what's on
your mind.
"Well...... I
think that
my Grandpa
is the most
coolest
person in
the whole
wide world."
And what would ever make you think that?
"Well, he's super cool and he has many skills, and
.......(Ring!).....Excuse me, someone's calling me.....
Hello, this is Namaile. Yes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Certainly.
And you have a nice day too....
Sorry, that was CNN News. They called to also say that
my Grandpa is the most coolest person in the world."
True dat and thank you for noticing.

Aaaaaaaargh....Bite....Lick....Mmmmmm

Dass right,
it's in her
mouth
cuz it feels
good on
her gums.
Plastic,
wood,
people,
food, it
don't
matter.
"Hey,
what you
got there? Plastic? Aaaaaarrrgggh...Bite....Mmmmm.
Hey, what's that? A toy? Aaaaaaaargh...Lick.Mmmm.
Hey, what you got there? Paper? Aaaaaaaargh...Mmm.
Get the picture?

Why Dis Flower Is So Sad?

"Ooh, this
is pretty.
I wonder
why it's
not happy.
Maybe it's
cuz it's not
having any
water.
Or maybe
cuz it's not
in dirt.
Or maybe
cuz it misses her family."
No, little girl. It's not happy cuz Sanjaya
is gone. That's right...He's finally voted off the island.
Dass why the flower is sad. I wonder if we're all
gonna miss him....I wonder if we'll all miss his hair
and his voice...... I wonder if we'll miss the way he
sings so bad and acts so gay?....
Naaaaah.

Teething on Uneequa

My little
bubushka
is kissing
Uniqua.
Uniqua is
from the
show
Back-
yardigans.
It's got
one pink
antenna
and a
bunch of
polka dots and talks like she's from 'Springer'.
"Hey Girl! I'm Uniqua! Ya know wha' I'm sayin'?"
Actually, Namaile might not know what she's
saying but she feels good on her gums.

Another Hair Don't

Now what
is she doing
with her
hair? She
got this
shirt on
her head,
kind of
like Queen
Amadalla's
assistant.
She was
inspired by
Sanjaya.
His hair do's, not his singing. Like most people,
Namaile is saddened by his being voted off last
night and hopes that he will get a record contract
somewhere so she can buy his CD.....
Either that or monkeys could fly out of my butt.

Her First Car

She thinks
she's cool
in this
bike thing.
She's
chewing on
her glasses
to make it
seem she's
even cooler.
Actually,
only kids
would even
think she's
cool cuz adults are like, "Hey, get that kid out of there!
She's just getting fat and lazy being towed around."
Whoa....chillax home skillet....it's just a kid in a bike thing.

Yes, I Did Eat Corn...How'd You Know?

She's just
dropping
the kids
off at the
pool...
She's
taking the
Browns
to the
Super
Bowl....
She just
gave birth
to a beautiful brown baby boy, and she's gonna
name him Kukai...
She likes to eat a lot of fibery bran stuff cuz
when it comes to being regular, it's not the things
that you don't do....it's the things that you do do.

5 Bookbooks Posing?

"Oh no,
4 of my
auntys are
posing for
a picture.
Auntys
Edelyn,
Mahina,
Hannah 'n
Janelle.
Oh no,
they're
holding
pastries
and napkins.
Aunty
Mahina is
posing with
her coffee.
Is this a
cartoon?
They're
probably
like, "Well,
we've got
pastries 'n
napkins....
Oh, there's a camera, let's pose."
Oh no, Uncle Troy is sneaking
into another picture. In his own twisted way
he's posing too. He's like, "Oh there's a camera,
I'm gonna walk in as he's taking the picture and
do my 'sip my coffee as I'm walking pose.'
In 17 years, I'm gonna be just like them."

I Love Mommy

"Check it
out. When
I'm laying
my face on
my moms,
it makes me
happy. I
can hear
my mom's
heartbeat.
That's cool.
That was
my musak
for 9 months.
I can also
smell her
shirt. It
smells like
'mommy'.
When I
pull away
from her,
I can't
hear her
heartbeat
or smell
her shirt
so much.
Either way,
I'm a happy
camper.
What a
drag that
I won't be
a baby too
much longer. I know that one day, I'm gonna
wish that I can just lay on my mommy's shirt
and smell it. I hope when I'm older, she'll let
me hug her and listen to her heartbeat."

"Hi Sunshine!"

"What a
wreck. I
feel like
crap. I'm
in this
"Happy
Chair"
and I'm
wearing
a bib. I
got people
telling me
to smile
and I'd
rather not right now. Actually, I wish
I could take that camera and crack it."

Miss Know-It-All Face

"This is
the face
I'm gonna
make when
I'm much
older and
I'm talking
to my
future
husband...
'Didn't I
tell you
this would
happen?' or
'I told you so, but do you ever listen?' or
'Now you did it again. When will you ever learn?'
This pic would've been perfect if I was pointing.
Yup, this is the face."

She Also Does Broadway Tunes

"I'm sitting
on the stairs.
I'm sitting
on the stairs.
What a
glorious
feeling,
my pampers
are wet.
I'm sliding
in my pee.
I'm gonna
get a rash.
I'm sitting
and sliding on the stairs."
(to the tune of "I'm Singing in the Rain")

Life is like Skid Marks

Uh-oh...
somebody's
looking all
perplexed.
She looks
like she's
pondering
about life.
She's like,
"Life is
like a
skid mark.
It's there,
you feel it,
you try to
pretend it's not there, and eventually you change
and wash it out. But tomorrow - BAM! - another
day, another skid mark. Yup. That's life."
Well that explains the face.

Don't Make Me Barf

This pic
was taken
in October
...so here's
my little
bundle
of fluffy
on the sofa.
When you
scan out,
she's super
tiny, like
a little
beanie
baby or
something.
In the top
picture, you
can see her
fluffy opu.
Sometimes,
older girls
show their
opu and
my little
gummy bear is like,
"Hey, knucklehead. All right, already.
We can see your stomach. Now pull
your shirt down so we won't have to
throw up." Sometimes she'll use other
phrases like, "Hurl the big one", "Calling
for 'Ralph'", or "Barking at the ants".

Yo Earrings So Fat...

Aunty
Neecee
has got a
hold of my
....WHOA!
Wait-a-
minute!
Check out
the hoops.
They be
gigantic.
Aunty's
earrings
are bigger
than Namaile's bracelet. What's up with that?
Yo earrings so fat, it got stretch marks on 'em.
Yo earrings so fat, it got little earrings revolving around her.
Yo earrings so fat, it's actually taller when it sits down.

Namazaile My Grandizzle

She's all
cracking
up again
cuz I can't
figure out
her code.
When I
was young
we had
pig latin...
or igpay
atinlay.
But she's
doing another thing going with the letter 'Z'.
Like she says, "I lozove Grazandpa."
Ok, I get that. But when I ask her if she's
hungry, she's like, "Fa shizzle ma grizzle."
Well actually, that means, "For sure, my
Grandpa". Explazane thazat one ma Fizzles.

She's Down With Corn Sideways

Well little
girl, you've
been alive
for about
9 months
now. What
do you
think about
life?
"Well,
actually
Grandpa,
I was just
wondering...
I know we eat corn on the cob sideways...
and I was thinking, what would happen if
we ate corn on the cob up and down, vertically?"
Well that would be a little messy.
So she's like,"K den, I'm down with doing corn sideways."

Namaile's Headband

Here she
is again
with the
headband.
What's up
with that?
She got
hardly any
hair to
keep out
of her face.
I know....
it's an
accessory. But she got nothing else on
to accessorize. Sometimes, you see guys
with a sweater tied around their necks.
What's up with that? What do you think
about that, Namaile?
"I think that's retarded."
Good Girl.

Watching Crap

We be
chillaxin'
watching
televizzle.
What's on?
Nickelodeon
and guess
who's on?
Sanjaya.
Uh-ohh...
He's gonna
sing a song.
The kids
are screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Some of the girls are fainting. Are they mental?
What's this? Green stuff falling all over him. Yes!
"He's getting slimed, Grandpa."
Oh no....He's still singing.

Desiree Got Skillz

Everybody
can learn
from
Desiree.
This is a
perfect
example
of an Air
Kiss. She
goes the
extra mile
by kissing
my little
musubi from about a foot away.
We blew up this picture and measured
it to be exactly 12 inches away. Perfect form.
Are you listening future kissers of Namaile?

She Loves Her "Lolo"

One thing
about being
Namaile's
grandpa is
the Tagalog
word for
Grandpa
is "Lolo".
But in
Hawaii
"Lolo"
means
"Crazy."
So when people ask, "Are you Namaile's
Lolo?" I'm like, "I guess so".
I hope they mean "Are you her Lolo, Tagalog?"
and not "Are you her Lolo, Hawaiian?"

OK....So You're Supposed to Read This?

"So when
big people
have these
things, they
like to just
look at 'em.
That's no
fun. What
if I were
to put it
in my
mouth?
What
would it
taste like?
MMmmm.
This one
tastes a
little salty.
And kind
of papery.
A little bit
inky too.
It could
use a bit
of sugar."
Sorry...
she puts it in her mouth cuz she
puts everything in her mouth.

All Hamma Jams

Check out
this kid,
she's all
hammajams
like one of
Bebe's kids.
People ask
me what
is Namaile's
ancestry.
Well she's
Irish,
Ilocano,
Visayan,
Hawaiian,
and
Chinese.
So she's
all mixed up.
But if you
based her
ancestry on
these pics
and look at
her outfit,
you would
think she's
one hundred percent Ilocano.
"I like deeeeeee yel-LOW Barok"....

Not a Perfect Genius Yet

Hmmmm
I got mail.
"We am
your bank.
Please send
you password.
We am in
Nigeria."
Uh, Grandpa
what's my
password?
My bank
is asking me for it.

Abbey Normal

My little
goofball is
acting all
mental
again.
I'm like,
"Namaile,
act all
mental."
So she's
like, "OK,
den. I'm
gonna act
like I'm all
constipated
an den."
"Very good,
mental girl.
Now act
like a
normal girl."
She's like,
"OK, now
I'm like a
normal
girl. Yeeee
Haaaaaaw!"
Hmmmmm
Yah, that's right, she's normal.

My Little Goofy Girl

Namaile is
making a
goofy face.
I hope she's
making it
as a joke.
I hope she's
not making
it cuz she's
naturally
goofy.
What if she's
like 20 years
old and she's walking around going,
"Dum-dee-dum-dum."
If she's like that, we'll still love her...
I mean after all, we still love her uncles.

Chatchi's Kid

Jessie is
holding my
little Cutie.
Namaile is
like, "Hey,
I thought
that Jessie
is a guy's
name. What's
up with that?"
Aunty Jenny
is like, "Yah,
well, we
named her
Jessie cuz it
can be a guy's name or a girl's name."
And Namaile is all messed up. Then she
remembers..."Isn't Jessie's dad Chatchi?"
Yah, it all makes sense now.
dad

Mango and Bagoong

My little
jellybean
is getting
attacked
by some
Filipinos.
Hopefully
they're all
giving her
air-kisses.
Namaile is
like, "Mmm,
you smell like mangos. Hey wait a minute,
you also smell like bagoong. What's up with
that? What's up with these conflicting smells?"
What's up? I'll tell you what's up.
Bookbooks dip their mango in bagoong.
They also dip their Chicharon in vinegar and garlic.
And some of us eat dog.
If you were Filipino, you'd understand.

Dat Sound Like Fun

"Well, well,
well, what
have we
here? It's
in a barrel,
so that's a
good sign.
It smells
a little like
Grandpa's
hair...so
that's good
too. I think
I seen
people open
up the shell
and eat the
stuff inside.
What can
we do with
the shell?
I know....
what if we
took all the
shells, put
it in a big
crate, have
it delivered
to L.A. and
then have
it dumped
all over
Sanjaya?
Oooooooh, dat sound like fffffffffffffuuunnnnnnn!"