If Grandpa Was The Walmart Announcer

"Attention
Walmart
Shoppers:
In the ladies
section, we
have a bunch
of crap...
In the music
section, we
got the new
CD by some
idiots that
think they
can sing...
Also, please
stop by the garden section where some lazy people
left their stuff from other sections that they decided
not to buy..."Hey, I'm a lazy knucklehead, I think I'll
just leave it over here by the plants. Yes, I'm retarded."
And down the toy section, please be on the lookout for
a pretty little girl in a white sweatshirt...she's a genius."

Moani Junior - Part 2

"Grandpa, tell me more about my mom"
"Well, when she was a baby, she hardly had any hair.
And she was really malikot...
And she liked music...
And she could walk and do stuff kind of early...
And your Grandma really loved her a lot...
And me too."
(Baby Moani -1978)

Aunty Sand's Cool Slips

Man! I never get cool stuff like this baby does...
People give her cool orange/yellow slippahs with a Janapanese dog on top...
From Janapan you knuckleheads! "Yo Janapanese Dog Slippah! Hollah!"
Who invented using the word 'Hollah' in this manner? I want a know....
"Grandpa, you like my slippahs?"
"Um...yup...slippahs are cool...what do you say to your Aunty Sand?"
"Po!"
"Hey, Aunty..Hey, hey,...hey..hey...I...Oh..."

She Loves Her Grandpa....SHE LOVES GRANDPA!

"Grandpa,
stop it, stop
kissing me,
it's tickling
me and
making me
happy. Ha
Ha Ha Ha,
I'm laughing
and I'm now
having so
much fun....
Yippee...
I'm having...
Uh Oh!
What is
that freak
of a face
that you're
making rat
about nah.
Are you...
Oh, I get it,
you're just
making a
face that
Grandma
makes when
you tell her
to give you
a massage.
Why does
she hate to
massage
you? Uh-oh.
You're gonna
kiss me again.
Um...I gotta
go now...
Stop yelling!
Bye Grandpa.
.....Gotta go now you old,
wrinkled, deranged, white-shirted Chimpanzee."

Yoko, She Made Them Break Up Dass Why

"Hey old and
delapidated,
antiquated,
grey-haired
orangatan,
why did the
Beatles break
up?"
"Well my cute
but balakyut
little sen-sen,
they broke
up cuz of that
knucklehead
Yoko Ono. She's the reason why they broke up.
She's also the reason why the Monkees broke up,
Get Smart got canceled, the Raiders keep losing,
the Stock Market dove, price of oil barrels keep rising,
and my hair keeps graying."
"Actually, old Filipino Freak, the Monkees didn't break up.
They're still around. Look in your mirror after a few drinks."

"I Think I Could Have Used a Little More Cowbells"

"Hey, old
freak of a
Visayan /
Ilocano
background
freakish
Monkey...
what is
Uncle Troy
playing?"
"Well my
little banana
split, your
uncle is playing a drum.
That's a tom, and that's a kick, that's
a ride, and over there's a high hat...
Well what do you think about the drums?"

Grandpa Rob Puulei

"Grandpa,
tell me
stuff 'bout
Grandpa Rob."
"Ok, well
when he was
a carpenter
in Kauai
back in the
80's, he used
to fix up rich
and famous
people's
houses and
den. Like Graham Nash. And some
other kine people. So when he got
in his accident, lots of famous people
sent him cards and talked to him cuz
Grandpa Rob was so nice to them. So
always be nice to people K?"
(Picture of Mom Moani and Grandpa Rob)

Grandpa and Grandma's Wedding

"Grandpa,
tell me bout
when you
got married."
"Okay, my
little crack
seed. When
me n your
grandma
got married,
your Grandpa
Dougie Suan
sang a George
Benson song,
"Everything
Must Change'.
He must have
thought that
it was appropriate.
And then Grandmas Marleen, Marcialani, and Jojette sang
"Hokulea". That also was appropriate cuz we were all headed
toward a trip with no modern navigating instruments. Just
wish they also sang "Maxwell Namunamu". That would have
completed the journey. We had responsible people working the
bar so that there would be nobody getting drunk...Pops Wong,
Adam Medrano, Grandpa Ritchie...all responsible drinkers. The
best part was when your Grandma's family invited the whole
softball team of Kanaks to come. Good thing they had their good
softball uniforms on. Yup....that was a good fun reception."

Nah! I Nevah!

"Grandpa, did
you used to be
one mahu?"
"Nope"
"Grandpa, did
you used to be
a little bit
effeminate?"
"Um...nope"
"Grandpa, did
you used to
ACK like one
bakla?"
"Uhh...nope"
"Beeny Boy?"
"Umm..nope"
"Fa fa fingy?"
"Hmm...No"
"You sure? How about when you was teenage knucklehead?"
"Ummmmm"

Grandpa Telling Retarded Stories Again

"Grandpa, tell me
somemore stories
about when my
mommy was a
small girl...."
"Ok my little head
cabbage kim chee,
when your moms
was small kid, she
was dakine bolo head
long time...the end."
"Grandpa, tell me
another story...."
"Ok my little nori
furry-cocky, when
your mom was
small kid, she had
bow legs cuz she
used to ride motorcycle
with Granda Toi. But no worry
cuz she always wore her baby helmet. But your Grandma
never wear helmet cuz she already was hard head. The end."
"Grandpa, how come you always tell retarded stories?"

Grandpa, Does Time Fly?

"Grandpa,
does time
fly?"
"One day
little girl
when you
are a
mommy,
you will
find out."

(top to bottom:
Uncle Damian
and mom Moani,
Uncle Andrew
and Troy,
Uncle Troy and
Aunty Mahina)

2 Boongees

"Grandpa, what is a 'boong-ee'?"
"Well my little butter mochi, that is a bukbuk word for somebody who has teeth missing."
"Am I a boongee?"
"No, you stay missing teeth now cuz you're just a baby. Boongee issomebody who sposed to have teeth but they no more at this moment. Noworry, if you one 'boongee' it makes for fun kine whistling an eating jello."

What's Wrong With These Local Kids?

1. Troy's hat
2. Wearing
typical
Hawaii
kids kine
clothes
3. Troy's
fake
watch.
4. No more
real kine
record
album
holders...
gotta use
cardboard boxes.
5. VHS all cluttered on the shelf
6. Little toy car that Andrew is holding
that most little kids would throw away.
...Oh wait a minute...are these Guilao kids?.....nevermind den.

"I Think You Just Call That 'Aunty Mahina'"

"Grandpa,
what's the
difference
between
'hamajams'
and 'jam up'?"
"Well my
little bulgogi,
sometimes
there's not
a lot of
difference.
The way
you dress
for example
can often be
described as
both jam-up
and hamajams.
Wearing
stuff that
doesn't really
fit can be
hammajams,
but having
your barn door
open is jam-up.
Having a yard
with the grass
not cut can be
hammajams.
A trash can lid
in the yard
can be jam-up.
What is that?
Striking a pose
can be jam-up
and hammajam.
So I guess you
could say that
Bookbooks by
nature are all
jam-up and
hammajams."
"Grandpa, what
do you call it when
you're posing as if
you're supposed to be a pretty model,
but you stick your tongue out to the side
like you're Wacko from Animaniacs?"

Moani Junior

"Grandpa,
when my
mom was
a baby, did
she look
like me,
the way I
look now?"

"No, you
look like
how your
mom used
to look like."

"Ummmm,
old 'n gray
Visayan
Monkee,
didn't I
just say
that?"

(top pic...
Mom Moani
bottom pic
Moani and
GreatGrandma
Nancy)

Actually, This One Smells Pretty Good

Things Namaile will never say to describe the smell of flowers:
1. This reeks of stinky feet.
2. Yummy....Putrid...foul...and BINGO!
3. Did somebody run this through the bowels of Mergatroid?
4. Dingleberry potpourri? YES, I'll take 2.
5. Grandpa's death breath.
6. Dead skunk 3 days on a blacktop.
7. My spidey sense is tingling.
8. Calgon....Take me Away!
9. This is what it smells like when doves cry.
10. Do you have to...do you have to....do you have to let it linger?

Ba BAM!

Who wants to party with this girl?
Who wants to party with this girl right now?
Can you imagine partying with her when she's older?
HA! HA! I'm a gonna party with her this weekend! Ba BAM!!

MMMMM....Pinakbet Pizza!

"Grandpa,
do you think
I look fat?"
(To myself..."I'm
not gonna fall
for this one.")
"Um, do I
THINK you
look fat? Or
do I think
you LOOK
fat?" (Yah, I
handled that one.
My little pie
is only 15
months old
so I'm not
worried bout
it, but when
she's older
I'm gonna
make sure
she doesn't
have such a
sedentary
life full of
Mickey Dee
supersized
fries. No....
Of course, she can have all the pinakbet pizza she can
stuff in her little face. MMMMMM....Pinakbet Pizza.
Eggplant, tomatoes, okra, pork, bagoong, ampalaya,
and pasta. Na Imas!
"Hey Mr. Ilocano Pizza Delivery guy! Where's my stinkin' bread sticks?"
"I...Sorry Boss...I porgot dot won."

"Play Christopher Robin!"

(No, this is a different
picture from Namaile
is my Sunshine)
"Hey Old Book,
tell me some
stories about
when you was
small kid."
"Well, my little
macadamia nut,
I used to know
this knucklehead
named Bobby
Wong. He was
always acking
like he was all
doped up, but
I think really
he was just a
knucklehead. If
we was playing
guitar, he would
always say stuff
like, "Play Christopher
Robin....Play Christopher Robin."
And then when you look at his face,
his eyes always looked all glazed and he
had a goofy smile on his face that said, "Ho, I
hope somebody going buy one pizza pretty soon."
Just imagine Spicoli talking to Mr. Hand. Same guy.
But I give him credit cuz he was a decent surfer and
he could catch fish once in a while. I hope one day he'll
get his act together. Not just him but his whole family.
Hey, you never know...."

"No....No......No......No.....No.....No......No.....No"

It was bound
to happen
one day. She
has a new
word and
the word is
....'No'....
She says it
like she's a
little bored.
"Namaile,
what are you
doing?"
"No."
"Namaile, are you hungry?" "No."
"Namaile, you wanna go riding?" "No."
"Namaile, you love your Grandpa?" "No."
"Namaile,....say 'Yes'." "No."
I can already imagine her when she's older....
"Namaile, clean your room." "No."
"Namaile, get off the phone now." "No."
"Namaile, bla bla bla bla bla." "No."
"Namaile, zippity zappity zoo." "No."
"Namaile, crack-a-lack-a-doo." "No."

Poop Star - Pop Star....Nickolodeon...BaBAM!!

"Late breaking news...
A court commissioner
ruled Wednesday that
Britney Spears can have
visits with her 2 sons
but temporary custody
still remains with the
poop star's ex-husband,
Kevin Federline. Court
spokesman indicated
that Spears would be
allowed monitored
visits every other day.
Monday's court order
to surrender the kids
came after she failed
to produce a California's
driver's license and
missed a court ordered
drug and alcohol test."
"Um...Grandpa, shouldn't the reporter have said 'Pop Star's ex'?"

"What's Up?...Well, I Own My Grandpa"

"Hey Kitty
Kat..what's
the scoop
on being
feline?"
"Well, first
of all, I get
to pee into
a thing full
of kitty
litter....and
then the
stuff gets
all hard and
turns into a ball of hard sand. So, that's cool.
I also get to lick my fur so that my throat gets
all stuck with hair, and then I occasionally get
to hurl it. When you see it, you think, "What is
that clunk of wet stuff?" Hey brah, its a hairball.
Deal with it, I'm not touching it. It came from my
throat and den. I'm pretty handy with catching
mice. If I like you, I'll put the mouse's head by
your bedroom door, cuz I 'like' you. And what
about you little girl, what's up with being a girl?"

Kitty Kat

"Hi Kitty cat."
"Hi little girl."
"Oh you must be one of those talking kitty kats."
"Yup yup. You must be one of those talking little girls."
"Well my name is Namaile and my Grandpa's name is Roy."
"Cool. My name is Kitty kat."
"How does it feel to be a cat?"
"It's cool cuz you could throw me in the air and spin me and stuff
but I'm still gonna land on my feet."
"Right on. If you could throw me in the air and spin me and stuff,
I would land on my butt. Good thing you can't throw me little kitty."
"Hey, tell me about your grandpa. He's very cool...um...does he eat cats?"
"Um, not really, he eats dogs. So you're safe."
"Oh, that's cool. Hey little girl, you know that song from 'Lady and the
Tramp'...that stupid siamese cat song?"
"Yah, I like that song."
"Yah, well I hate that song...check it out.....

We are Siamese if you please,
We are Siamese if you don't please.
Do you see that thing swimming round and round?
Maybe we can reach in and make it drown.
If we sneak up on it carefully,
there will be a head for you and a tail for me.

Do you hear what I hear, a baby cry?
Where there is baby, there is milk nearby.

"Yah on second thought, that song sucks."
"Yah, I'd rather listen to Celine Dion than that....."
"HA HA HA HA HA HA...Celine Dion? HA HA HA HA HA!"