Sponge Thelma

"Grandpa, do you like SpongeBob?"
"Oh yeah, he's a sponge. That's cool."
"Grandpa, do you like his friend Patrick?"
"Oh yeah, he's a starfish. He's cool."
"Grandpa, do you like his other friend Thelma?"
"Thelma? Isn't that your Grandma?"
"Oh yeah, that's right....she's our Grandma."

The PLANK

"Grandpa, you should really try out this P-90X stuff."
"Yeah, sure okay.... so how does it work?"
"Okay, here's what you do...it's so simple...just put in the DVD
and then just start working out with some retarded guy, a chick,
one dude with a fake leg, and like some other dude that just drank
10 Red Bulls...check it out, I'm doing the PLANK. I gained 5
pounds each month since I've been on it."
"Ummm, aren't you supposed to LOSE weight when you work out?"
"Yeah, right....Grandpa, you crack me up."

Pajamas in the Snow

"Grandpa, how come I can be in the snow while wearing only pajamas?"
"Well dass cuz you a mainland girl. Most local girls cannot handle."
"But Grandpa, I wanna be a local girl."
"That's funny. Alex Trebek says the same thing everyday."

Snowflakes and Grandpas

"Grandpa, what up with this thing about no two snowflakes are alike?"
"Yeah, it's true... each snowflake is unique. Kind of like how loogies
and fingerprints are all unique. From far away, each snowflake looks
like any other snowflake...but if you look really really really close,
you can see that one snowflake might have fewer points or fewer
molecules or something. Sorry if my scientific jargon is too deep for
your little brain. Anyway, looking at snowflakes can be like looking
at another person's qualities. From far away, somebody might seem
pretty typical, but if you get to know him and look closely at what he
does and stuff, you'll be able to see each person is a little different
from another. Take your Grandpa for example. From a distance, I
seem like any other Ilocano Visayan Tata Lolo. But if you look
really really really close, you'll see that I'm humbler than most."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."
"Yes, once again little girl, you speak the truth."