Chuck Norris - Texas Ranger

"Grandpa,
have you
ever heard
of Chuck
Norris?"
"Yah."
"Did you
know that
outer space
exists cuz
they don't
want to be
on the same
planet as
Chuck
Norris?"
"Yah"
"And did
you know
that the
only thing
Chuck
Norris
fears is
Chuck
Norris?"
"Chuck
Norris can
divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding."
"Yes, little girl. These things are all true. I know they're
all true cuz Chuck Norris allows me to know these truths."

She Wants To Be Like Chuck Norris

Namaile's
2 fists are
named, 'Law
and Order'.
The chief
export of
Namaile
is Pain.
If you want
to see a list
of Namaile's
enemies...
just check
the extinct
species list.
Namaile
has never
blinked in
her entire
life...never.
Namaile's
tears cures
cancer....
too bad she
never cries.
Namaile
once round
house kicked somebody so fast that her
foot went back in time and kicked Elvis off of the toilet. After Elvis
thanked her, she roundhouse kicked him back on.
Namaile's roundhouse is so powerful, it can be seen by the naked
eye from outer space.

Grandpa's Bedtime Story #1

"Grandpa,
I can't sleep
..should I
count sheep?"
Let me tell
you a story
about a guy
who tried to
count sheep.
He started
counting and
next thing
you know,
he was floating
in the clouds.
He thought,
'Did I die?'
Then a voice
said, "You
can become
either a pig
or a chicken."
'I choose a
chicken'. BAM
he turned into
a chicken. Then his stomach
started to hurt. 'Push' said another chicken
'push, it's an egg'. So he pushed and it was an egg. Then his stomach kept hurting and so he kept pushing
and then one more egg, then another, then another,
then a slap on his face, then another slap....then a voice said,
"Hey knucklehead! Wake up! You're crappin' all over the stinkin' bed".

"Grandpa, if I act like I'm sleeping will you go away, please?"

Namaile-rella's Dream

A dream is a wish, your heart makes....when you're fast asleep

In dreams you will lose your heartache, whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbows will come shining thru

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you just keep believing

The dreams that you wish will come true....

"I'm dreaming about my grandpa Roy...."

PMS - Like Somebody She Knows

(HONK!)
Hey you
knucklehead
let's go!
What? You
think gas is
cheap? I've
been waiting
2 minutes
already.
That's about
2 bucks in
gas I wasted
waiting for
you. C'mon Grandma Toi, I going already!

Pool Fun

"Hey, how
you guys
like my
pool? My
cheap
grandpa
went to
Walmarts
and got
this piece
of crap and
Grandma's
too lazy to
take me to
the beach.
Hey, what
happened
to Aunty
Mahina?
Aunty!
What? You
drowned
or what?
No worry,
I won't
pee in the
water by
your face.
.....Oops,
sorry bout
that. Was
only just a
squirt or 2.
Hey this
pool is
getting a
little bit
crowded
yah? Let
me get my
okole out
of here.
Hey wait
a minute...
How come
my aunty's
shorts were
all warm?
Aunty...no
tell me you
went da
kine too?
Oh da rude,
...Aunty!
And what? How
come you get
bubbles coming out of your shorts?

She Needs To Learn How to Read Her Caller I.D.

My little
pork hash
is so glad
that the
Ryan, Simon
Paula and
Randy show
is over. (ring)
Uh-oh...the
phone rang.
Uncle Jay
says it for
Namaile...
"Hello...
Hi there
Clay Gayken.
You're comin'
to town and
you're gonna
do a concert?
And you got
tickets for
me? No
thanks, I'd
rather hear
the toilet
flush..."
(ring, ring)
"Hello,
Taylor
Hicks? You
wanna know
how I feel
about your
new CD....
probably the
same way I
feel about
transverse
colons...and
by the way,
thanks for
asking..."
(ring, ring)
"Hello, who
is this? Uh,
Sanjaya?
You're
giving away
free tickets
to your
concert... I
think you
need to call
the "Freaks
Who Think
They Like
Sanjaya Only Because They're Tone Deaf Too" Foundation.
Somebody there can direct your call to one of your relatives.
I'm sure your mom or your sister might want to go. "

A Re-enactment

"Hey you
guys...I
don't think
it's fair
that you
always
accuse
Grandma
everytime
the remote
is lost."

What?

"Yah, you
guys always
think it was
her...maybe
it wasn't."

No it was.

"No, you
guys should
not keep
saying that.
Cuz it was
not her."

It was.

"It wasn't"

Yah, it was.
She always
loses the
remote.

"Not this
time."

How u know?

"Cuz I did it, I lost it. But I found it.
So that's why you knuckleheads!"

She Does Impressions

Hey little
girl, can you
do any
impressions?
"Yah, Ok
here's one:
I'm gonna
do one and
you gotta
guess who
OK?"


"Uh-oh...
whoops...
I fell down
cuz I had
too much."
??
"Yikes,
I'm all
twisted
cuz I
cannot
handle."
"Oh no,
I fell and
I cannot
get up cuz
I'm all
hamajams."
"Ok, I'm
up now...
I'm OK,
no help me,
Hey, who
took my
car keys?"

Who is it
Namaile?
Is it one of your uncles? Is it one of your
grandpas? Which one? C'mon tell us....
"Ha ha! It's all of 'em....

Her Mental Walking Thing

"Check out
my mental
walking toy.
It's like I
can walk.
But really
this thing
is holding
me up.
So bogus...
Hey, I'm
just a baby
so no act..."


"Try look
now... I'm
doing it by
myself...
nobody is
holding me
and den...
And I'm
dragging my
left foot like
one Mahu.
'Hi Aunty!'..."

"Oooh, I'm
acting like
my grammy
now...'Hey,
what's that
over there?
Is it some
totally
useless
crap? Oh
I'm gonna
fill up my
wagon
with it."

"Uh-oh. I
fell down.
How come
this floor is
so slippery?
Where's the
manager?
Ouch, my
back hurts.
Wait till I
talk to my
attorney...
I am never
gonna come
to this store
again. You
will never have my business again. Look at that puddle
of water of there.... What did I tell you and den? You guys
really trying for kill me or what?"

Rodeo Cowgirl Namaile

"YeeHaw!
Git along
little dogie!
Time to
ride my
bronco.
My bronco
named
Grandma.
C'mon girl...




Whoa Nelly!
Easy girl!
I'm a goin'
down so
Hippa Hi
Yi Yippy.
That's
cowgirl talk
for, "Hey,
no make
me fall
down and
den."


Time to
wave at
all the
cowboys.
Hey cowboy,
no act like
you no can
hear me
and den.
Oh, wait
that's not
a cowboy...
That's a
cowTROY.

Yee Haw.
Time!
That's it
a new
world
record for
the great
Rodeo
Cowgirl...
Namaile...
and her
faithful
steed...
Thelma!

Baby Hippie Kine Clothes

"Hey, thanks
for making
me dress
up like an
old hippie.
Why don't
somebody
play some
old music
from the
60's? Ok
now I'm
gonna pose.
Here's my
pose like,
"Huh? You
talking to
me?"
Here's my
other pose
like, "Hey,
did anybody
see my
grandma's
dentures?"
Or it's my
pose like,
"Hmmm,
this floor is clean...who went clean this floor?
Grandpa? Oh da good grandpa I get....Hey,
wait-a-minute! What is this? Ankle scabs?"

Teaching Her How To Drive Smart and Safe

That's good
my little
Pikachu.
Hands at
10 and 2
o'clock. I
going teach
something
even better.
Drive with
your knees.
That way
your hands
are free for
important things like changing channels on the radio,
drinking your Venti Double Shot Mocha Latte,
doing your magazine last minute, underlining fast kine,
and pointing at stuff, "Hey there goes Evangeline Lily".

Such A Sweet Little Girl

Hi little
Baby!
Goo Goo
Tickle
Tickle!
"Hey lady,
what? You
know how
for talk or
what? No
Act...Talk
normal, K?
I'm not
retarded...
And hands
off the opu.
I stay clean
you know.
I don't know
where your
hands have
been. And
while you're
up there,
how about
getting me
a drink...
make your
self useful.
I like mine
with a twist. And how about some pamps. I can't be walking
around all over with my junk out. C'mon lady,.....think.
What school you went? Public school? No wonder...
OK, hurry up den. Thanks Grandma.

What Namaile is REALLY Saying

OK, so you
are my Mom
right? And
let me just
say you did
a great job
of changing
my pamps
(Thanks for
sticking the
tape onto
my thighs)

And let me
also say
that you
look very
beautiful
today.
(especially
since I can
see right up
your nose
and all your
boogers.
what? no
can clean
up once in
awhile? You
got that one
just hanging
right there.)

And now
you going
kiss me. Oh
da trills...
(especially
when you put
your lawai
all over my
face. And
what about
toothpaste?
You get or
what? Let
me guess,
you had
terriyaki for
lunch.)

That's OK
mom. I
love you...
(cuz you got
milk, that's
why. Otherwise
I love grandpa
the most.
That's right.
Deal with it
Taffany!)

2 Jokes and Tonsils...

So the
teacher
told the
bookbook
boy to use
the words,
'chicken,
nut and bread
in a sentence.
So he said,
"I choke my
sister's neck
and chicken
nut bread."

Then the
teacher said
to use,
'papers or
pampers' in
a sentence.
So he said,
"I went to de
Gas Station
guy and asked
'Do I papers
or pampers?'

Now, just
look at my
tonsils....

Being Threatened by a Bookbook Gang

What?
Boddah you?
You like
beef?
What? I
owe you
money?
Try come
and get
'em...
Here....
My posse
going buss
you up.
We not
the "Happy
Face Gang"
you know...
We da
"Rough
You Up"
Gang... so
No Act.
Just in
case you
don't know,
in a few
years I'm
gonna make
one baby, and this is the face I'm gonna make when she pops out...
The same face I'm gonna make when we crack your head.

Heckling the Dolphins

Hey Flipper!
Try come!
Hey Fish!
Try come
over here.
I going
slap your
head. Hey
you get
seaweed in
your teeth.
What? You
think you
smart cuz
you live in
schools?
Oh yah,
I forget,
you stay
SeaWorld.
Hey Nemo,
you know
the song,
"Salmon
Janet
Evening"?
Hey Mammal!
How come you no flip? Why? Cuz you fat? HaH? What? Hey Salmon-Jaya!
Try come...my grandpa like poke...dass right....raw fish....
WooHooo! ....we going eat Lomilomi Dolphin tonight.

No Boddah Her....Light Sleeper An Den

"Hi Namaile
I'm your
uncle Tyler,
Bla bla bla
bla bla bla
bla bla bla."
"Yes, little
girl, this is
your grand
ma Toi....
Bla bla bla
bla bla bla
bla bla bla"
"HEY!
KULI KULI! What? Knuckleheads!
You guys cannot see I'm trying fo' sleep?"

Baby Namaile Checking Out the Scenery

July 10, 2006
"Whoa, look
at all these
crazy people.
I remember
their voices
when I was
in my mom's
tummy and
now I can
finally see
their faces.
Oh that one
over there,
that's my
uncle Dame.
Yeah, he
don't look
like he
sounds. He
sounds
smarter than
he looks. And
there's my
Aunty
Mahina. I
recognize
her voice.
I can't wait
to go see
where she
works. Oh
that's right,
she don't
work. She
just hangs
around and
occasionally
massages
grandpa to
get some
cash. What
a life. And
there's my
Grandma
Toi...I like
her voice
cuz she
always sings
to me. She
can sing
Hawaiian
songs with
the real
words, not
like Grandpa.
He's a bookbook who can barely fake hawaiian lyrics.
Oh, there's my grandpa over there. Wow, he's very
handsome. And he's very intelligent looking too. I
can't wait to party with him. As long as it's not at a
Hawaiian Karaoke Bar.