"A Measure of Intelligence? Yeah Whatever."

"Grandpa,
look at me,
I'm acting
like I'm
thinking."
"Oh good...
thinking is
good. I like
to think too.
Thinking is
a sign that
you have a
measure of
intelligence."
"Ha ha ha ha. Grandpa, you just said that you have a
measure of intelligence. That's funny."
"Well, actually I wasn't trying to be funny. It takes
brains to type... and it takes brains to cut and paste
your pictures onto this blog... and it takes brains to
not confuse my Ps and Fs...and it takes brains to type...
and it takes brains to flay fing fong and not fark the car
too par away...and it takes brains to type..."
"Grandpa, does it take brains to have imaginary conversations
with your granddaughter?"
"Ha ha ha! Imaginary conversations with my granddaughter?
Man...you crack me up. Didn't you say, 'Look at me, I'm thinking.'"
"Actually, I said, "Look at me, I'm acting like I'm thinking."

The Jonas Sisters

"Grandpa,
is there such
a thing as
bad music?"
"Well, my
little skyflake
cracker, in
theory the
answer is
no....because
there's good
in almost
every kind
of music....
but actually there's quite a bit of crap out there."
"What crap would that be, you old dilipidated Ilocosayan?"
"Well, it would be any of these:
Michael Bublagay
Celine Diwrong
Gayson Mraz
Gayvid Archuletta
Conner Ob-worst
The Jonas Sisters
Any song where the singer says, "what" often and for no reason.
Any song where they TRY to make you cry with lame lyrics
(but instead you laugh your head off or throw the radio
into the trash can because the stench of the song cannot
be removed from the radio)
...and any song where the singer pronounces "lady" this way:
"Lay-Tayyyy"."
"Grandpa, what are you playing on the computer?
Is that the video of the knucklehead Village People?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UttODQflfK8

Knocked Out

"Grandpa,
do you like
it when I
massage
you?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is this the
spot right
here?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true
that you cry
whenever
you see a
sunset?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true
that 2 wrongs
don't make a
right, but 3
lefts do?"
"Mmmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true that
the best movie
of all time is 'Empire Strikes Back'?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, is it true that the worst song of all time is a tie
between 'Kokomo' and any song by Celine Dion?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, is it true that there's a pot of chicken sinigang
on the stove right now, but it's made up of five thighs?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, that must have been a weird looking chicken."
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"

BookBook Tea Chai

"Grandpa,
you keep
calling me a
bookbook,
but I looked
it up and I
found out
that you're
calling me
the wrong
stuff....I'm
not a book-
book....I'm
a buk-buk."
"Well first of all, you're not a full-on bookbook....you're
only one fourth bookbook...cuz your Grandpa is a full-on
book, that means your mom is a half book and....by using
simple trigonometry, you can deduce that you're only
one fourth book. So instead of calling you a bookbook...
I guess actually you would only be a "boo"...not even a
full book. And secondly of all..............................okay,
I forgot the secondly part."
"Grandpa, where did the word buk-buk come from anyway?"
"Well, this is only what I heard .... but it came from Hawaii
when Ilocanos would be talking, it's a pretty harsh language,
and when they talk, it's like, "Bading telly dong tea chai bookbook".
Anyway, that's what it sounds like....Remember, it's only what
I heard and I wouldn't repeat that to anybody or put it on a
blog or anything."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=buk-buk

HAUNA Feet and PUKA Socks

"Grandpa,
...Hey You
knucklehead
bookbook...
what's more
worse than
a purple
sofa?"
"Actually
little girl...
that's not
purple....
that's more
like mauve.
And it's not so bad...it's typical bookbook colors.
But to answer your question...what's more worse
than a mauve sofa is a little girl with her boots on 'em.
What? How come you no take off your boots when
you come in da house? So RUDE an den."
"Grandpa, this is the MAINLAND. Over here, it's
perfectly normal to wear shoes in the house. And
actually it's rude to take OFF your shoes, cuz planny
people over here get HAUNA feet and puka socks."
(old video from August)

"Dancing to the Music in my....OUCH! Who just kicked my Butt?"

"Grandpa,
check out
my boots...
would you
like me to
kick your
butt with
them?"
"No, my
cute little
batsumaru,
but I know
who's butt
I'd like for
you to kick...
This knucklehead Sanjaya is going around promoting
his new book and CD 'Dancing to the Music in my Head'.
How about kicking his butt for me with those shiny little
boots of yours. And while you're at it...kick the kumu
from the Halau that taught him this crap..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W05rbtNwFY

2 Snowbunnies and a Book

"Grandpa,
check out
my posse.
We like to
go around
muggin' on
all the girls
and saying
how jackd
up their
outfits are.
In a couple
of years,
we'll be
eyeing up
all the fellas and saying how jackd up their outfits are.
What do you think we should name our posse?"
"Ummmm... how about '2 Snowbunnies and a Book'?"
"How about you Grandpa, were you ever in a posse?"
"No, nobody wanted to hang around me. But if I ever
had a posse, there would be 5 of us. One would be the
athletic one, one would be the cute and younger one,
one would be the funny one, one would be the angry
guy, and the last one would be the old and stupid one."
"Grandpa, I know which one you are."

Way da Excellent Shoppahs At? Rye Cheeyah

"Grandpa,
look at me.
I'm a good
shopper."
"Yuuup, it
looks like
that you're
getting just
the good n
healthy stuff
and prolly
on sale."
"Hey you
knucklehead
Ilocano and
Visayan
freak, are
you a good
shopper too?"
"Well as a
matter of
fact, I'm an
excellent
shopper.
Check it out
...today I was
at Costco and
I was eating
all the free
snacks from
all da aunties.
And I was
just planning
to eat that
and then I
was gonna
get me a hot
dog or a slice
of pizza. But
then this
aunty was
passing out
Pita Bites
with Chunky Artichoke and Jalapeno Dip on it.
It was so ono, that I bought it. The box of Pita
Bites has to be a good deal cuz it's in a box about
the size of your Grandpa's okole. And the Dip is
in a container of 998 ounces. It'll take us about
5 years to finish it. So, yeah, I guess that you
can say that I'm an excellent shopper."
"Don't worry Grandpa, you can put that big
container of dip next to that giant container of
Costco Mayonnaise that's in your fridge."

Barbizon and Radford

"Grandpa,
look at me
...I'm at a
desk acting
like I'm
doing some
schoolwork
or drawing
or something
... Will I be
going to a
school one
of these
days?"
"Yeah, I'm
pretty sure
you'll be in
some school
one of these
days."
"Grandpa,
you old and
mental one,
did you go
to school?"
"Yeah, I
know.......
sometimes
it seems like
I didn't, but actually I did go to a bunch of schools.
But I eventually graduated from John Robert Powers
Class of 74. Modeling School was the best thing for me."
"I thought you said you went to Barbizon - Class of 74."
"Oh yeah...that's right....Barbizon Class of 74. Just make
sure you don't go to where your Grandma Thelma went."
"Where'd she go?"
"Radford....famous for Bette Midler and Thelma Puulei."
"Grandpa, that's not nice...what about all the other people
that went there? Do they have the same problems as Grammy?"
"The SAME problems???? Ha Ha Ha Ha! You crack me up!"

"MAN...This Place is RED"

"Grandpa,
what do you
know about
coyotes?"
"Well, I'm
not really
sure, but I
think that
generally
speaking,
coyotes are
clever and
funny and
sometimes
change their
appearance
so that they
can trick
others."
"Yeah, I
read that
too..."
"Kind of
like your
Grandma...
sometimes
she shops
at Ross's
and then
sometimes
she shops
at Goodwill
and then
she might
change her
mind and
shop at
Burlington.
So after she
shops she'll
keep it in
the back of
the van for
about a week and eventually she'll return it. So in
some ways, your Grandma just like a coyote..."
"Grandpa, that so makes sense."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJW7EF5aVk

"Grandpa, Do You Know Anything About Parties?"

"Grandpa, what makes a good party?"
"Well my little Li Hing Mui, usually a party
is good if there's some Kool and the Gang.
Balloons is also a good sign that you got
the party going right. Just make sure that
the balloons have air in it. A bad party would
be a package of balloons. A giant pig with an
apple in his mouth and crispy crispy skin
can also help. Make sure the pig isn't alive.
Something cold to wash it down, you know...
like maybe something carbonated...yup yup...
On the other hand, a bad party is a bookbook
with a karaoke microphone in his hand....
and he's looking at a list of Ilocano songs....
Aiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
But the most important thing to have is a
little girl run around with a Chinese dress on
and a balloon in her hand and moving like
she gots ants in her pants...."

"Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah"

"Grandpa, when I get big, what am I gonna do?
I mean, when I get older, what kind of things will
I be doing? Will I travel the world? Will I learn how
to play a musical instrument? Will I be a good cook?
Will I make my mommy and daddy happy? Will I
be really really smart and really really pretty?"
"Ummmm....prolly all of that....plus you'll be on the
phone a lot."

"TA - DAAAAAAAH !"

"Grandpa, you wanna see my new trick?"

"Yes, my little butta-mochi, show me your new trick."

"Okay, my new trick is, whenever I do something

that's cool...I point to it and say 'TA - DAAAAA!'"
"Oh that's nice. That's what your Grandpa does

whenever he fixes something in the house or yard.

He's like, 'Hey Thelma, look what I did...TA - DAA!'"

"Tinkle Tinkle Nittle Tar"

"Grandpa,
were the
Beatles good
singers?"
"Well my
lil Tweety
bird, Paul
and John
were good
and George
was okay
but Ringo
was not as
good as you.
I can think of just a few Ringo songs... Yellow Submarine,
Honey Don't, Little Help from my Friends, maybe one
or two more... although he might have enunciated a little better
than you do, which isn't really saying much."
"Hey! This video is from October. I sing much better now."

"Betcha By Golly Otot"

"Grandpa,
you're kind
of old aren't
you?"
"We've had
this talk once
haven't we?
Yes I am, my
little Baby
Bop... I'm so
stinkin' old
that I used
to have LPs.

Thems were
albums, we
didn't have
CDs.....and
one of my
favorites was
a group called
the Stylistics
and one of
their songs
was called,
'Betcha by
golly wow'...
cuz one day
the writer
was thinkin',
'Betcha by golly........Betcha by golly........there's something missing.
Hmmmmmmm....Betcha by golly whack?.....Betcha by golly bleh?
Betcha by golly otot?..........Betcha by golly kalamungay?........"
"So Grandpa, how did they come up with 'Betcha by golly wow'?"
"Well, one day the writer was watching TV and saw a Shamwow
infomercial and .... I don't know.... I guess it just came to them."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJEKqI1e714
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi-_uj7FDDg