May 29, 2010

"Grandpa, what's a milestone?"
"Well my little banana peel, it's a marker used to show how
far along the road you are. It's an actual stone or a sign with
a marker that shows how many miles you went. But it can
also be a metaphor. Like a milestone can be an important
event in a person's life... showing how far you've gone in
your own journey, like the day you were born, or your first
day in school, or the first time you cheered for the Oakland
Raiders, or the day you found out money don't grow on trees,
.... stuff like that."
"Well Grandpa, you old bookbook retard, Uncle Andrew went
diving yesterday... wasn't that a milestone for him?"
"Actually, technically speaking, that's a Guilao milestone."

Blasting Alex Trebek

"Grandpa, right about now, Naialii's not too smart, yeah?
I mean, just look at her."
"Yeah, she's just checking stuff out and she's learning,
but actually she ain't that smart right now."
"Grandpa, is she smarter than a doornail?"
"Oh yeah, she's smarter than a doornail, for sure."
"Grandpa, is she smarter than a tub of yogurt?"
"Oh yeah, she's a lot smarter than a tub of yogurt?"
"Grandpa, is she smarter than Alec Trebek?"
"Is she smarter than Alex Trebek? Who isn't?....."
"Ha Ha Ha! Grandpa, you crack me up."
"Namaile, if you take everything that Alex Trebek knows,
and multiply it by 45,000, that's how much smarter your
sister Naialii is than Ms. Trebek."
"Ha Ha Ha! Grandpa, you're retarded."
"Yeah, but not as retarded as Alex Trebek."

Chihuly not Gilooly

"Grandpa, I like coming to Tacoma and walking the
Gilooly Glass Museum Bridge."
"Yeah, well that's Chihuly Glass Museum. Jeff Gilooly is
Tonya Harding's husband. He's the guy who busted up
Nancy Kerrigan's knee. He don't have a glass museum.
But he might have a Knee Busting Museum."
"He might have a Knee Busting Museum? ....Ha Ha Ha,
Grandpa, you crack me up.

"Straw Mental? No, Straw Sensible"

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I got me
this cool
drink. Do
people ever
blast you
for getting
a foofoo
drink with
a straw? I
think that
there's no
other way
to drink this thing, right?"
"Oh yeah, people are always like, 'Hey mental,
why you got a straw? Just drink it like a normal
person.' Yeah, the straw makes it easier right?
Whenever I drink my Decaf Americano with
extra extra extra caramel sauce, I do the straw.
I don't listen to the Straw Snobs."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa ever."
"Smart AND Sensible. Yes, thanks for noticing."

Sweet Doodoo

"Grandpa, who are these two knuckleheads?"
"The big one is yo mama, and the little one is your sister
Namaile. Yo mama is my baby and Namaile is my baby's baby."
"Grandpa, is it true what they say about baby's doodoos?
I hear that their doodoo smells kinda sweet. I mean, it's
all from my butt right? So how stinkin' sweet can it be?"
"Well my little bubushka... it's all relative. I mean, your
doodoo can't be as bad as your Grammy's."
"Ha ha Grandpa, you're talking stink about Grammy's doodoo."

Lumpia

"Grandpa, when you see Nai'ali'i all bundled up, what
do you think about?"
"I think about food. Maybe a nice breakfast burrito.
Or if it's afternoon, maybe a nice afternoon burrito.
I kind of like the California burrito with avocado and
sour cream. Actually, I don't think Mexicans really use
sour cream in their burritos but whatever. I also think
about lumpia. The best is the one that Aunty Enoy
makes. There's this one friend of ours that taught us
to make the lumpia kind of flat so that it's more oblong
than round. It fries faster. Why didn't I think of that?
Most people dip their lumpia in sweet and sour sauce.
But the native way is vinegar with garlic and black pepper.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, are you looking at my baby sister and thinking
about food, for real?"
"I'm thinking it, I'm blogging it, I'm becoming one with it."

My Sister Nai'ali'i

"Grandpa, is Nai'ali'i gonna have her own blog?"
"Umm, I think so.... one of these days. You got a name?"
"Ahhh...yeah...how about 'My people are fertile'?"
"Yeah, sure....that's a possibility.... any other ideas?"
"Okay, you old half Visayan freak, check out my top 4:
1. My people eat dogs - the Sequel
2. My people squat when there's no chairs
3. My people put patis in their soup
4. My people mix their Ps and Fs.

May 12 - A Little After Midnight - Baby Time

"Grandpa, what's up with all the cheese?"
"Uh, I think the cheese is like WD-40 so the baby just slips out.
How else is THAT gonna come out of your mom's junk?"

"Grandpa, why is daddy so happy?"

"Cuz he saw your sister come out and he thought, 'Ouch. Glad none of

my orifice's were involved. Thanks honey for taking one for the team."

"Grandpa, look at my sister! I'm so happy she was born."

"Yeah, well remember this moment one day in the future when she

pees on your lap."

"Nuff already. Time fo go moi moi. I need to dream about Hawaii."