Selling It

"Grandpa,
do you ever
notice how
some people
hardly move
or dance or
whatever
when music
is playing?"
"Yup."
"But when
they say like,
'Hey, did you
hear this CD
mix I made? It's really good...'
And then when they play the mix that THEY made,
all of a sudden they start getting into it, and they're
moving and swaying and stuff."
"Yup."
"What's up with that, Grandpa? One minute, they
hardly even move and then when they say, "Hey
check out my mix" now all of a sudden they're all
dancing and stuff."
"Well my little mochi gummy, they're what you call
'Selling it'. Cuz they already said that their mix was
good and to validate that, they start dancing and
getting into it. It kind of makes you think, 'Yah...
that music GOTS to be good, cuz...she's like dancing
and stuff.'"
"Grandpa, why do they gotta 'Sell it'?"
"Um...maybe cuz it's crap."
"You mean 'Crap' like Jonas Brothers?"

"Do These Pamps Make My Butt Look Fat?"

"Grandpa
do you think
these shorts
make my
butt look
fat?"
"Well my
crunchy little
chicharon, do
you want me
to tell you the
truth or do
you want me
to lie? Cuz if
I tell you a lie, then you'll be wondering in the future if
everything I say is true...but if I tell you the truth, and
by the way, if you ask a question like the one you asked,
you already know the answer...so if I tell you the truth,
then you'll prolly hate me and you're gonna feel hurt and
you'll be wondering if Sir Mix-a-lot wrote that song for you,
and way after you've toned it down after long hours at the
gym, you'll occasionally think about what I said about your
okole/lobot/puwet and think, "My Grandpa is an idiot."
One time, somebody told me to check out a guy's mole...
and I never noticed it before, but after he pointed it out
I kept looking at it like it might explode."
"Grandpa, is my butt gonna explode?"

No...I Don't Feel Any Pressure Right Now

"Namaile,
what role
does your
family
play in
your life?"
"My family
...uh.....my
family...
their role
was so...
my family..
oh my gah...
my Grandpa
is ...oh I'm so sorry...
I told you that I was so confident...oh eto!..
Sorry guys cuz this is my first Bookbook
Grandpa ever... and I'm only 22 months old
...and my Grandpa is the most important
knucklehead in my life...thank you."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xKwmseoKFCo

Namaile Telling Alissa One of Grandpa's Jokes

"Hey you guys
wanna hear a
joke my weird
Grandpa told
me?"
"Your weird
Grandpa told
you another
joke? Yeah!!"
"Okay...so one
day little Joey
was walking
around the
house and he
heard sounds
like somebody
screaming....
and when he
looked in the
kitchen, Joey
saw his Daddy
and Mommy
there but he
was eating
some dogmeat
and Joey's mom
was all mad and stuff...
but Joey's dad was giving him the thumbs up
as if to say, "Yeah...your mom hates when I eat dog."
So about an hour later, the Dad is walking around
and he hears some screaming. So he looks in the
kitchen and he sees Little Joey eating some dogmeat
in front of Grandma...and she's screaming. The Dad
says, "Hey...What is Going ON HERE??" and Joey goes,
"It ain't so funny when it's YOUR mama, is it?"

My Daddy Wants Me To Pull His Finger Too!

"Grandpa,
you know
how every
once in a
while you
tell me to
pull your
finger...how
come?"
"Well, it can
be for many
reasons....
sometimes
when you
pull my finger it massages me...and if you pull
hard enough you can hear the knuckles crack."
"Is that the sound I always hear whenever I pull
your finger? Is that the sound you make whenever
your knuckles crack?"
"Well...you got the 'crack' part right."

Crack-a-Lacka Water Bag You Knuckleheads!

"Grandpa, you so full of crap...can you tell me another stupid story."
"Well okay, my little custard filled malasada....
Once upon a time there was a Chinese Hawaiian girl named Ming Toi.
Actually her real name was Thelma...but...guess what? That's right...
she'd rather not be called Thelma....
So anyway, when Thelma was 8 months hapai, she was moving stuff
around the apartment...cuz she used to like to clean stuff....anyway,
she was cleaning around and then her water bag broke....looked like
shee-shee, but wasn't.
Anyway, the next day, a bunch of people was at the apartment and
her husband dem was playing music...and one of the chicks said,
"Hey Toi, how's the baby?" And then Toi said, "Oh, she's okay, but
I went spill a bunch of water out of my junk yesterday."
"Um...Toi...that was your water bag an den.......crack-a-lacka!"
So they went hurry and take her to the hospital and then your mom
was born.......and as soon as the doctor pulled her out she said, 'Hey,
you knuckleheads! You guys don't know about water bags? You like
me die or what?'"
"So....Grandpa, what is crack-a-lacka?"

Yeah....No Wary

"Grandpa,
who dis
kanak?"
"Oh well
my little
pickled ogo,
that's your
Grandma
Nancy....
she's your
Grandma
Toi's little
sister."
"Oh cool...
how many
sisters does
Grandma
Toi have?"
"Well she
got Bonnie,
Nancy, Jo,
and Trudy.
And she
even got
brothers
Dukie, Rob,
Tin, Randy
and Makani.
So...that's
all she get."
"Hey you old and wrinkled Ilocano eater of dogs...how come
she get plenty and I no more naw-ting?"
"Still early an den....no wary."

Learn Stuff? Learn What? Hey! Where You Going?

"Grandpa,
how can the
fish breathe
when they
are under
water?"
"Well, my
little banana
lumpia, I
don't know."
"Grandpa,
how can the
boat float
even though
it's way heavier than the water?"
"Umm...that's kind of hard to explain."
"Grandpa, how come this place is all rocks...
but other places is all sand?"
"Hmmm...well my little mungo bean, that's a conundrum."
"Grandpa, you old dingleberry, I hope you don't mind me
asking all these questions."
"Actually, asking questions is the only way to learn stuff."

Namaile Likes Homophones

"Grandpa,
why does
the water
make these
little waves
that go up
and down
the shore?"
"Well my
little french
toast, I'm
not really
sure."
"Grandpa,
what do you
call the mom of a mom of an otter? A grand-otter?"
"I believe you're correct, my little granddaughter."
"Grandpa, what is that lady wearing under that?
Is that a bikini or underwear?"
"She's wearing what under where?"
"Grandpa, is that your wife yelling that I hear?"
"Yes my little turon, she wants to get out of here."

I Wonder Where You Got That Thelma...I Mean Talent...

"Grandpa,
hey look ! I
can wipe
myself."
"Well, my
sweet little
raisinette,
I can wipe
myself too
but do you
see me
bragging
about it?"
"Yah old
man...you're right, but I'm just a little girl."
"Can you wipe yourself and sing your ABCs?"
"Yes, Grandpa I can."
"Can you wipe yourself and rub your head counterclockwise?"
"Yes Grandpa, I can do that too."
"Can you sit on the toilet for 30 minutes and read 2 magazines
so that nobody else can use the toilet till you're pau?"
"Yes Grandpa, I can do that too."

Brown Where The Sun Don't Shine? Why Yes I Am.

"Grandpa,
are you brown
where the sun
don't shine?"
"Why, yes I
believe I am
my salty garlic
edemame girl.
But I'll check
to make sure
later tonight
when I'm in
the shower.
Why do you
ask?"
"Well, I was just wondering why my mommy got me
tanning here in the living room."
"I think she just did that so she can take a picture of
you knowing that she's gonna then send it to me so I
can put it on the blog. Then everybody can see your
Haole cheeks of tan and bookbook nose of Magpiong."

"I Got 2 More Disturbing Things Rye Cheeyah"

"Grandpa,
hey you old
gray haired
Ilocano and
Visayan
knucklehead!"
"Yes, my
sweet little
chocolate
covered
gummy bear"
"What do you
think are the
three most
disturbing
things?"
"Well, for me
that would
have to be
clowns, Celine
Dion and Mike
Buble. Actually
those three
could count as
one, cuz...well
...they're all
clowns."
"Anything else
you find disturbing, you freakish old has-been?"
"Umm...now that you mention it...what's up with
you and these fake boobs?"
http://namaile.blogspot.com/2007/12/grandma-myrna.html
http://namaile.blogspot.com/2007/11/mental-uncle-doing-mental-stuff.html

Three Guesses? How About Okole, Lobot and Butt?

"Grandpa,
check it out.
I like to read
with sound
effects!"
"Did you say
sound effects?
Well my little
blueberry
pancake, what
do you mean?"
"Here, listen
while I read
my book while
sitting on the
toilet...
'So Yuniqa is
talking to Pablo
and she's like,
"Hey Pablo...
don't forget to
turn off the air
compressor...
(PSSH-wooop)
And then Tasha
warns Tyrone,
"Hey Tyrone
don't drop the
watermelon!"
(SHPLaaaaT!)
Meanwhile,
Austin and
Yuniqua are
walking in the
muddy goop...
(Shklop, Shklop,
Shkloooooop)"
"Wow little
girl, that's cool.
Who taught
you how to do
that stuff?"
"Uncle Damian, Uncle Troy and Uncle Andrew."
"Cool...and how did you make those sounds?"
"How did I make those sounds?? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
You're funny Grandpa. I give you 3 guesses where
those sounds came from?"