3 Girls

 

"Grandpa, why did you pick these two pictures?"

"Well the top one is funny cuz it shows your personalities.

Naialii is like 'Get me outta here', and you're like 'How does

my hair look?' and Keala is like 'Way mah food at?'. And

the bottom picture is the same."

"Grandpa, you are so smart. How do you do it?"

"Oh, it's just natural I guess."

Ladybug Picnic

 (Moani and Damian in 1984)

"Grandpa, why do you like Sesame Street?"
"I think cuz Sesame Street reminds of a time when I
would come home from work and just lay in front of
the TV with your mom and Uncles Damian and Andrew.
But later on with your Uncle Troy and Aunty Mahina,
for some reason we kind of stopped watching Sesame
Street and watched other stuff... Animaniacs or other
cartoons. So Sesame Street had funny stuff like Ladybug
Picnic, and They Call Me Fred, but I think more than
anything, it reminds of when your mom dem was small."
"Yeah Grandpa, whatever."

(Namaile singing while Naialii rides her thing.)

Girl With a Kazoo

"Grandpa, I'm not really good at playing guitar or piano yet."
"That's okay, Naialii, you're a little too young for that. I mean
I've seen you play the piano and you're kind of just banging the
keys... Actually that's okay, but I know what you mean. You hate
being junk at something, especially when you hear your mom and
uncles and aunty play. But you know, music isn't all about being
really proficient at it. You just gotta play anykine, and whatever
comes out is all good. But I tell you what, just stick to the kazoo
for now and when you get older you can play whatever you want."
"Grandpa, kind of like how Grandma plays you?"
"Yeah, just like that."

Top 9 Things She'd Say If Keala Could Talk

1. "Hey, are you a gorilla or are you just gorilla-like?"
2. "What part of 'Waa Waa' don't you understand?"
3. "When I look at you, I'm thinking, 'It sucks to be him'."
4. "When I'm near your nostrils, I can hear the ocean."
5. "When I look up your nostrils, I can see your utak."
6. "La la la la la La la la LOOO HOOO SER!"
7. "Don't worry, some of my best friends are retarded."
8. "Your eyes are open, but your brain looks like it left."
9. "Knock knock. Who's there? Old gray haired baboon."

Top Ten List for Babies

"Grandpa, are there rules for babies?"
"Yeah, there's planny rules. Here's my top ten list:
Rule 1: Don't touch baby's mouth.
Rule 2: Don't touch the soft spot on top of their heads.
Rule 3: If they crap, don't wipe their butts...wash their butts.
Rule 4: They're only ugly and deformed right when they're born.
Rule 5: They're cute by the second day....usually.
Rule 6: If they start crying, give em to their mommy.
Rule 7: Don't sing "Close open, Close open" to them.
Rule 8: Have music on constantly so they will love the sounds.
Rule 9: Kiss them and say "I love you, you're fat" cuz it's fun.
Rule 10: Put powder on their butts."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."
"Yes, I've heard that before. Thank you for noticing."

Keala

"Grandpa, who's that?"
"This is your cousin. Her name is Keala."
"Grandpa, she's small."
"Yeah, well she's just born. But she's getting fatter every second."
"Grandpa, is she a bookbook?"
"Actually, she's more bookbook than you cuz her dad is bookbook.
That means she'll be hearing a lot more BeeGees and ballads than
you do. She'll probably also have a karaoke machine in her house.
She'll have an easier time in the sun than you and probably have
more opportunity to eat goat meat than you would."
"Grandpa, that's too bad she lives in Oceanside. We won't see her
so much."
"Yeah, don't worry though, cuz I live here and I'll see her all the time."
"Wow Grandpa, you got three granddaughters."
"Yeah, well I got 3 in 5 years. At that rate, I'll have 9 by 2021."
"YAY!! I'll have 6 more sisters!"

Lily? Excellent.

"Grandpa, what's your Starbucks drink?"
"I guess it's Decaf Americano with extra extra caramel sauce,
what's yours?"
"Mine's Iced chocolate with drizzle on my extra whip."
"Excellent."
"Grandpa, what's your Starbuck's name?"
"It depends, sometimes it's Carlos, sometimes it's Guadalupe, and
sometimes it's Consuelo. What's yours?"
"Mine's Lily."
"Excellent."

The Best Rule EVER

"Grandpa, what's better ... being awake? falling asleep? or sleeping?"
"Well it depends... when I'm driving, I think it's better to be awake.
But if I'm tired, or if I just ate like a pig, or if I just ran a marathon...
then it's better to sleep. But one cool thing about falling asleep is
that it's usually dark, lights out, and you can hear your heart beat.
You can play with your eyes a little bit by closing them but not all
the way, just leave a little crack so that the moonlight or a little night
light can give you a little light show, like little lasers or lava lamp
floating lights that move diagonally and fades out. It's really cool."

"Grandpa, how long do you hold us after we fall asleep?"
"I can hold you a long time, but your sister's a little heavy... I gotta
put her down right away. She feels like a 50 pound rice bag."

"Grandpa, did your Grandpa hold you till you fell asleep?"
"No I don't think so... cuz my Dad's dad died a long time before
I was born and my mom's dad was in the Philippines when I was
small. But if they were around, I think they would have held me.
That's cuz Grandpas love their babies. That's the rule."
"Grandpa, that's the best rule ever."
"Yup, the best."

I Guess She Wasn't "Fetch" Enough

 

"Grandpa, these mean girls wouldn't let me play with them."

"What happened?"

"I saw these girls playing, and I asked them if I could play with them.

They said that I couldn't cuz I was too young."

"What did you do?"

"I cried and another girl saw me and said she'd play with me."

"Yeah, well I hope this teaches you to always be nice to other

kids and don't just stick around the same kids all the time. It's

good to widen out and have all kinds of friends. Play with older

kids and younger kids and even goofy kids?"

"Grandpa, all kinds of friends? Even goofy kinds?"

"Yes, even your Grandma."

"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

"Yes, that's true."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ENNA0cBHm8

Time To Be Quiet

"Grandpa, is there ever a time to just be quiet?"
"Yeah, a good time is like when you tell your singing joke."
"What singing joke?"
"Okay, if somebody starts singing a song and they sound pretty
bad, ask them, 'Hey, who sings that song?' and when they tell
you What's-His-Name sings it, then you say, 'Why don't you
just let What's-His-Name sing it?'."
"Okay Grandpa, but what about a time to just be quiet?"
"Well, that's if Michael Buble sings it. Then just be quiet."

DooDoo Girl

"Grandpa, why do people take videos of their kids on toilets?"
"Um, cuz it's funny?"
"No, it's not really that funny."
"Um, cuz it's cute?"
"We are talking about doodoo, right?"
"Um, cuz some time in the future, that kid will want to see
himself or herself making doodoo as a little kid."
"Nope, that can't be it either."
"Okay, I give up... why do they take these videos?"
"Doodoo yo....doodoo."

A Better Buzz

"Grandpa, why do people drink coffee?"
"People drink coffee cuz it makes them happy."
"Grandpa, how does it make them happy?"
"Well, the coffee has a happy pill in it."
"Grandpa, how does the happy pill work?"
"Well my little rice cake, the happy pill lets out a burst
of happiness that fills up your tummy with rainbows,
flowers and butterflies. Then they all shake around your
tummy until you start to smile and laugh and roll on the ground."
"Grandpa, is that what caffeine actually does? Does it fill up my
tummy with rainbows, flowers and butterflies?"
"I don't know... why don't you just google it later tonight."

Guilao Rollercoaster

"Grandpa, what's a rollercoaster?"
"Well my little haole girl, a rollercoaster is this thing that
they have at carnivals. They're fun things that you ride on
and they go up and down and sometimes the really cool
ones will twist and go upside down. It goes up kind of
slow but when it goes down it really goes fast, sometimes
it goes so fast that you scream cuz it's so scary. Some of
the really tough or brave and courageous people will stick
their hands up and away from the hold-down bar and not
scream out of fear, they're screaming cuz the going down
is exhilarating, almost euphoric. Other people just pee in
their pants. The thing is, if you stay down on the ground
cuz you're scared of riding one, you'll never experience
that high that you get from the ride."
"Grandpa, are you talking about rides or are you talking
about the Guilaos?"
"Yeah, good point."

Why Do They Grow Up?

"Grandpa, I think I'm gonna get married one day."
"WHAT?? I don't think so. Remember when you were two years
old and I asked you to never get married and that you would just
live with your Grandpa and Grammy forever? Remember? Huh?"
"Ummmmm, no. I don't remember that."
"Well I do.... so you can forget about getting married."
"Grandpa, I think I'm gonna get married and that's that.
You probably aren't gonna like the guy cuz nobody will really
measure up to what you'd like my husband to be. But I'm gonna
get married one day, and you'll have to deal with it. He's not the
one you wanted, but he's the one that I want. Sorry....anyway, just
remember Grandpa, that you will always be my Grandpa and
I'll always be your little girl. Okay? Can you do that?"
"Um ..... no."
"Grandpa?"
"No."
"Graaaaandpaaaaa????"
"Yes?"
"Ha! You said yes."
"No."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTWWN7iPrc

Naialii the Smart Thinker

"Grandpa, can you tell what I'm thinking by looking at my face?"
"Oh yeah, I know exactly what you're thinking. Just by looking
at your face, I can tell you're thinking about my Oakland Raiders
and what will it take for them to get back into the playoffs."
"Um, no....that wasn't it."
"Well, okay, cuz you really really really really do have that look.
Maybe then you're thinking about your Grammy and why she has
a propensity to buy stuff and then return it within a week, only to
go and purchase more stuff that she will undoubtedly return."
"Wrong again, Einstein."
"Okay, I think I got it. By looking at your face, you're thinking that
your Grandpa is the best Grandpa in the whole wide world and
that your Grandpa, although very old and stupid, is also very very
very very very handsome and smart."
"Yeah, you're right Grandpa, that's exactly what I was thinking."

YEEEE HAAAWWW

"Grandpa, what do you say when you're happy?"
"I don't know... sometimes I yell, "STINKIN'  MONKEY!"
"Grandpa, isn't that phrase offensive to stinkin' monkeys?"
"Oh I suppose so... well other times I yell, "Moon ZAPPA!"
"Grandpa, isn't there actually a person named Moon Zappa?"
"Yeah, well I guess you're right again. How about "KRAKA!"
"Grandpa, isn't that something you put cheese on?"
"Yeah ... right again. Well how about "AY CHIHUAHUA!"
"Once again Grandpa, something you put cheese on."
"In Hawaii, people like to say "CHEEE HOOO!"
"Yeah, well we ain't in Hawaii. We stay in da mainland, brah."
"Well, if we're in the mainland, I suppose we could say,
'YEEEEEE HAAAWW!"
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the whole world"

No FOTO!!!

"Grandpa, do you like it when people take pictures of you?"
"Nah, not really... mostly cuz I'm not good at posing. I don't
know if you've noticed, but some people are good at posing.
When somebody with a camera says, 'Smile'... they have a
pretty decent smile ready to go. But when people tell me to
smile, I have to think of something stupid ... like doo doo, or
something else retarded in order to put on a fake smile. Most
times, that trick doesn't work and then you got a picture of
me with a half smile, red eye, half lids, or mouth open with
food in it. So I pretty much try to avoid pictures."
"What can I say when a camera is in my face?"
"Do what I do, with a fake Italian accent yell, 'NO FOTO!'"
"No foto?"
"Yeah, that'll work... remember to use an Italian accent."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."