Moani Scam

"Grandpa,
how pathetic
is my mom?"
"Well, she's
so pathetic
she would
look for only
people who
had a bag
of goodies
and then she
would shove
you into their
face and they
would fall in
love with you
and give you
all of their
goodies...you
really scored
big time..."
"Grandpa, I
don't know if
that sounds
right."
"That's not
all...your mom
would make
you say
"Thank You" in their language. So you'd say Domo to the Japanese.
Shay Shay to the Pakes...and Com Som ni da to the Koreans and
then you'd score even more stuff. It was a giant Moani Scam."
"Grandpa, where did my mom learn this stuff?"
"Thelma."

SeaWorld Shamu

"Grandpa,
I can't help
it.......I just
love Shamu
....he's like
my favorite
killer whale
of all time."
"Yeah.....I
can tell cuz
you've been
to SeaWorld
like a million
times....but
that's cool
cuz I think
Shamu is
the best too."
"Grandpa,
is it true that
Shamu eats
200 pounds
of fish every
day?"
"Yeah....and
that's why
it costs only
a quadrillion
bucks to see
him in action."
"Grandpa, I didn't like
it when they said they
get a different kid each
time to feed him."
"No worry...you're kind
of skinny.....they like the
fat kine kidsto feed the
killer whales."
"Grandpa, you know
any whale jokes?"
"Actually, it's a 'yo mama
joke'. 'Yo mama so fat,
that when she jumped
in the ocean, the whales
started singing, 'We are
Family.'"
"Grandpa, is that sposed
to be funny?"
"Ok...here's another one.
Yo whale so fat that when
she wears a raincoat, the
people yell, 'Taxi!'......
Yo whale so fat that when
she walks backwards, she
goes, 'Beep....beep....beep.'
Yo whale so fat that when
she went on a digital scale
it said, 'One at a time,
please.'"
"Grandpa, those aren't
even whale jokes....those
are 'Yo mama' jokes and
you're retarded."
"Okay...okay....how
about this one then....
Yo whale so fat that
she's on both sides of
the family."

Uncle Andrew Doing a Killy Killy Check

"Grandpa,
what's up
with stink
killy killies?"
"I don't
really know
but I'm sure
that it's not
a good thing
.....and then
occasionally
somebody
will give you
a tissue....I
guess so you
can dab your
killy killy....
and I'm like,
Hey brah!
Go dab your
own killy."
"Grandpa,
is that why
some chicks
use perfume?
So that you
can't smell
their stink
killy killy?"
"Yup...that's just about the only reason why chicks
use perfume...is so that you can't smell their killy."
"So... I guess you don't really care for perfume?"
"Not really...to me...the best smell is the smell of
soap and shampoo. The best lotion on a chick is
unscented. The best perfume is no perfume.....
And the worst smell is when the smell
of garlic is coming out of a chick's pores........Ugh."
"Grandpa, what does your wife use?"
"Grammy uses soap and shampoo."
"Cool."

Qualcomm Stadium...Sunday Afternoon...5:45pm

Lame excuses 1: "I didn't start it....It was the Spanish side."
Lame excuses 2: "I was just stretching after sitting for 4 hours."
Lame excuses # 3: "We started out waving...next thing you know
we're doing the wave....same thing right?"

Spank Your Grammy's Okole

"Grandpa, how does that song go?"
"Like this...Row row row your boat....
Spank your Grandma's okole...
merrily merrily merrily merrily
Spank your Grammy's okole..."


http://namaile.blogspot.com/2009/04/merrily-merrily-merrilymerrilybutt-butt.html

Lurkers

"Grandpa,
what does
it mean if
you say that
somebody's
a lurker?"
"A lurker
is somebody
who sticks
their face
in people's
pictures....
it's the same
as somebody
who likes to
listen to your
conversations
with other
people and
reading other
people's email
and inviting
yourself to
other people's
lunches and
lurking other
people's blogs
...stuff li' dat."
"Grandpa,
are you sure that sticking your face in people's pictures
is the same as inviting yourself to other people's parties?
I don't think so....I think it's just funny...check out my mom."

Which One is Ilocano?

"Grandpa,
is it the one
on the right?"
"No....he's
your Uncle
Mike and
he's not an
Ilokano..he's
impeccably
dressed."
"Grandpa,
you must
have used
spellcheck,
I see....how about the one in the middle? Is you an Ilocano?"
"Well, I'm half Ilocano...and I'm half Visayan. That means I
will eat just half of a dog....and I can sing on key half of the time."
"How about that guy on the left? Is he Ilocano?"
"Ohhh....Well...he's so Ilocano... you don't even have to ask.
He got the dark shirt in a white suit. He's got a plaid tie...that's
about all you need to know, little girl."
"Grandpa, what about your hat? What's up with that mess?"
"Oops....I forgot about that hat.............Ilocano in the house!"

Lawai

"Grandpa,
sorry.....I
fell asleep
on Uncle
Mike. He's
carrying me
and I just
knocked out."
"That's ok...
just gotta
watch the
lawai. Baby
lawai smells
okay, but
Grandpa's
lawai smells like pork."
"Why Grandpa, did you eat pork?"
"No... I guess my lawai just smells like pork."
"Grandpa, you old book...maybe you should floss more."
"I remember one time when I was riding the Honolulu
bus... I was all alone when I got on the bus...but when I
woke up...the bus was full of people...and there was a
pretty girl sitting next to me... and when I woke up there
was a pile of lawai on my lap... I guess I drooled it when I
was napping... it was pretty shame."
"Grandpa, did your lawai smell like pork back then?"
"No.... I think my lawai used to smell like Mickey's Big Mouth."

Public School, Private School, Penguins.

"Look at me Grand-Fool,
I look like one of those
Private School kids.....
one of dem kids with a
Snickers bar in my hand.
Grandpa, what's the big
deal about private school?
Is there a difference with
the private and public?"
"Well, my little Snickers
bar, I heard that Obama
went to Punahou but I
went to Barbizon...both
are private schools but
one became president
and the other became an
idiot. On the other hand,
your Uncle Damian went
to GED and your Grammy went to Radford. One
became your crazy uncle, and the other became
a Grammy that loves to go shopping at Mervyns
and Goodwill and watch Lost reruns. So is there
a difference between private school and public?
It looks like crazy people can come from both."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDN3L621ASI