Which One is Ilocano?

"Grandpa,
is it the one
on the right?"
"No....he's
your Uncle
Mike and
he's not an
Ilokano..he's
impeccably
dressed."
"Grandpa,
you must
have used
spellcheck,
I see....how about the one in the middle? Is you an Ilocano?"
"Well, I'm half Ilocano...and I'm half Visayan. That means I
will eat just half of a dog....and I can sing on key half of the time."
"How about that guy on the left? Is he Ilocano?"
"Ohhh....Well...he's so Ilocano... you don't even have to ask.
He got the dark shirt in a white suit. He's got a plaid tie...that's
about all you need to know, little girl."
"Grandpa, what about your hat? What's up with that mess?"
"Oops....I forgot about that hat.............Ilocano in the house!"