The Best Rule EVER

"Grandpa, what's better ... being awake? falling asleep? or sleeping?"
"Well it depends... when I'm driving, I think it's better to be awake.
But if I'm tired, or if I just ate like a pig, or if I just ran a marathon...
then it's better to sleep. But one cool thing about falling asleep is
that it's usually dark, lights out, and you can hear your heart beat.
You can play with your eyes a little bit by closing them but not all
the way, just leave a little crack so that the moonlight or a little night
light can give you a little light show, like little lasers or lava lamp
floating lights that move diagonally and fades out. It's really cool."

"Grandpa, how long do you hold us after we fall asleep?"
"I can hold you a long time, but your sister's a little heavy... I gotta
put her down right away. She feels like a 50 pound rice bag."

"Grandpa, did your Grandpa hold you till you fell asleep?"
"No I don't think so... cuz my Dad's dad died a long time before
I was born and my mom's dad was in the Philippines when I was
small. But if they were around, I think they would have held me.
That's cuz Grandpas love their babies. That's the rule."
"Grandpa, that's the best rule ever."
"Yup, the best."

I Guess She Wasn't "Fetch" Enough

 

"Grandpa, these mean girls wouldn't let me play with them."

"What happened?"

"I saw these girls playing, and I asked them if I could play with them.

They said that I couldn't cuz I was too young."

"What did you do?"

"I cried and another girl saw me and said she'd play with me."

"Yeah, well I hope this teaches you to always be nice to other

kids and don't just stick around the same kids all the time. It's

good to widen out and have all kinds of friends. Play with older

kids and younger kids and even goofy kids?"

"Grandpa, all kinds of friends? Even goofy kinds?"

"Yes, even your Grandma."

"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

"Yes, that's true."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ENNA0cBHm8

Time To Be Quiet

"Grandpa, is there ever a time to just be quiet?"
"Yeah, a good time is like when you tell your singing joke."
"What singing joke?"
"Okay, if somebody starts singing a song and they sound pretty
bad, ask them, 'Hey, who sings that song?' and when they tell
you What's-His-Name sings it, then you say, 'Why don't you
just let What's-His-Name sing it?'."
"Okay Grandpa, but what about a time to just be quiet?"
"Well, that's if Michael Buble sings it. Then just be quiet."

DooDoo Girl

"Grandpa, why do people take videos of their kids on toilets?"
"Um, cuz it's funny?"
"No, it's not really that funny."
"Um, cuz it's cute?"
"We are talking about doodoo, right?"
"Um, cuz some time in the future, that kid will want to see
himself or herself making doodoo as a little kid."
"Nope, that can't be it either."
"Okay, I give up... why do they take these videos?"
"Doodoo yo....doodoo."

A Better Buzz

"Grandpa, why do people drink coffee?"
"People drink coffee cuz it makes them happy."
"Grandpa, how does it make them happy?"
"Well, the coffee has a happy pill in it."
"Grandpa, how does the happy pill work?"
"Well my little rice cake, the happy pill lets out a burst
of happiness that fills up your tummy with rainbows,
flowers and butterflies. Then they all shake around your
tummy until you start to smile and laugh and roll on the ground."
"Grandpa, is that what caffeine actually does? Does it fill up my
tummy with rainbows, flowers and butterflies?"
"I don't know... why don't you just google it later tonight."