Namaile and 2 Local Girls

"Grandpa,
how about
one of your
random
stories?"
"Ok, well,
I was in the
car earlier
today and
I heard a
song called
Moondance
by Van
Morrison
and it took
me back to
1976 or so
and we're
in Waikiki
watching
Country
Comfort...
so the band
goes and
takes a break, but Billy Kaui and Jim Freudenberg stays
on stage and just those two guys played the Beatles "For
No One" and Van Morrison's "Moondance"... just those 2
guys and their guitars. I don't even remember the rest of
the night, I thought that those 2 songs with just Billy Kaui
and Freudenberg was awesome. Sometimes, a song is best
when it's just stripped down with nothing but a guitar. But
when they played the Shell, Country Comfort opened for the
Eagles. As usual, the local boys were all loaded and Chucky
Lee the guitar player for Country Comfort was getting all
mental, he was on stage challenging the Eagles to a fight....
that's my random story and that's all I got to say about that."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvEONJoVeyA&feature=related

Spoons and Fans

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I got some
spoons on
my eyes so
that I can
look funny."
"Well, my
little Chitch
a Roney, I'm
proud of you
for trying to
act mental,
but it's even
better when
you try to look funny by actually trying to look cool."
"You retarded Visayan knucklehead, what does that mean?"
"Okay, you ever see female vocalists on TV who are singing,
and they get to the front of the stage and all of a sudden you
see that there's wind blowing their hair? The intent is that
they are looking cool, but in reality, they look mental cuz
they're in a STUDIO and there's a giant fan blowing their
hair. That's retarded."
"Grandpa, I think I'll stick with the spoons."

Pohtagees

"Grandpa, how come in Hawaii they make fun of the Portuguese?"
"Well my little raisin bran, people in Hawaii don't make fun of the
Portuguese.... they make fun of Pohtagees....there's a difference."
"What's the difference?"
"Well the Portuguese are people from Portugal. But the Pohtagees
are people from outer space. There's a gap between the ears that's
filled with a blend of emptiness and cheese. Their medulla oblangata
is disconnected from that blend which means that hilarity can ensue.
For instance, you are obviously not Portuguese cuz your dad is Irish
and your mom is Visayan Ilocano Chinese Hawaiian. But you are
apparently Pohtagee cuz you're facing your boogie board towards
the waves.... most people will face the other way to catch the wave."
"Oh thanks Grandpa, you da smartest."

Sand, They Had to Go

"Grandpa, how come the beaches in Hawaii is so different
from the beaches over there where you live in San Diego?"
"Well, my little root beer float...the beaches in San Diego
has dirtier water than Hawaii cuz the fishes in Hawaii don't
make a lot of doo doo and shee shee...compared to mainland.
And the sand in San Diego feels more like dirt cuz no more
sand. That's why they call the place San Diego. It was really
called "Sand, They had to Go" and later it was shortened
to "Sand They Go" and now it's just "San Diego".
"Wow Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

Nobody Betta Take My Passo-Guava!

"Grandpa,
what's this
huge thing?
It looks like
a gigantic
watermelon
or maybe
it's a huge
passo-guava
fruit?"
"Yeah, that
is for real a
passo-guava
fruit, or it
might be a
lilikoi-passion
fruit on a big
lilikoi-passion
tree. That's
where Hawaii
Sun get their
juice from. A
little bit of
that and a
little bit of
high fructose
corn syrup...
which they
get from high
fructose corn syrup trees. Yup, that's what it is."
"Grandpa, how come this lilikoi passion fruit has
somebody's name on it?"
"Um, well many animals like to mark their territory
by making shee shee on em. But this fruit is a little
bit too high, so just bust out the sharpie and write
their name, or else somebody going grab em, an den."

Happy Butts

"Grandpa, why is it so fun to go the beaches in Hawaii?"
"Well my little bran muffin, beaches in Hawaii is fun cuz
when the water touches you on a hot day, it makes your
butt happy."

"Grandpa, can your butt really be happy if it touches water?"

Three Theories

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I think my
Aunty Sand
likes it when
I massage
her. Why is
it that when
people get
massages,
they really
like it?"
"Well I got
a theory
about that... Massages are good cuz when a person gets
one, it makes their muscles happy.....Yeah...that's my
theory. But massages are also good for the person that
is giving the massage cuz it makes them happy that the
person that's getting massaged is getting happy muscles.
That's my theory.... I know, it's pretty deep. Erbody is
happy and that's all there is you need to know."
"Grandpa, what's Rolfing?"
"Rolfing? Oh, well I got a theory about that too. Rolfing
is when you eat too much and the only way you can fit
your clothes again is by rolfing......'ROLF! ROLF!'"
"Grandpa, what is Shiatsu?"
"Shiatsu? Oh, well I got a theory on that too. Shiatsu is
what you say when somebody is giving you deep tissue
massage........'Ayyyyyyyyy....SHEEE...atSUUUUUUUU'.
That's 3 theories in one blog. BA BAM!!!"

Stereo

"Grandpa,
check it out,
this doggie's
name is fun.
His name is
Stereo. Why
is his name
Stereo?"
"Well my
little pie, I
think that
people like
to give their
dog names
that remind
them of stuff
that they like.
Maybe they
like music. I
once heard a
guy name his
dog Max...I'm
pretty sure
that he likes
his music loud.
Once I heard
a guy named
his dog D-O-G.
He actually pronounced the three letters D, then O, then G.
I think he liked to spell things a lot. One time he told me
that his D-O-G had to go outside to P-E-E. He could've got
by with just the P, and leave out the E and the other E.
A guy I know has a dog named Spot. The guy's incontinent."
"Grandpa, did you ever have a pet dog?"
"I only had one dog in my life. That was when I was a high
school sophomore. I named him Rufus....cuz I thought it
sounded cool. But I don't know what ever happened to him."
"Grandpa, you don't know what happened to him? Ha Ha Ha.
Grandpa, you crack me up."

Random

"Grandpa, is it cool or retarded to be random?"
"I think I helped you build a snowman in January."
"Grandpa, so I guess the answer is ... 'retarded'."