Just Trying To Be Helpful

"Hey little girl, why the long face?"
"Well, old man with hair of gray, I'm a little depressed right now.
I'm such a knucklehead cuz I can't do nothing right. I can't talk,
I can't walk straight, I occasionally pee in my pamps."
(Following is a list of things NOT to say to a depressed 1 year old)
1. Snap out of it you knucklehead.
2. People have it worse than you. Look at how Ilocanos dress.
Be thankful you didn't grad at Radford.
3. Yah, that's right...keep putting yourself down. You can't do
nothing right. In fact, I bet you're wet right now. So get over it
you useless little girl.
(Better to say the following)
1. Snap out of it, you pretty little girl.
2. Yes, some people do have it worse than you...so let's laugh
really loud at that bookbook right chay-yah.
3. Come here my little princess...I'll change your pamps. And while
I'm changing you let me remind you that I LOVE YOU very
very very very much and you can talk to me anytime OK?
Just don't talk about the Raiders #1 pick cuz I DON'T WANNA
TALK about that right now.
4. Let's have some Mango Sorbet.