"How About Making You Not So Mental?"

"Grandpa, if you could have any superpower, what would it be?"
"Well...I can't just have one...not like those LAME superheroes.
I would have three...
1. One superpower would be the power to put the appropriate
spice in my food. I would be in a restaurant...and my food is
like missing some pepper...I would have the power to put in
the pepper by just looking at the food.
2. My second superpower would be the power to go back in time.
I would be in an elevator, and I would accidently flatulate and
people would be saying stuff like, "Way to go brah...now we're
in this elevator with your stink butt air." Well with my power,
I could go back in time 2 minutes and hold that in a little bit
better. You know, like squeeze my butt cheeks a little tighter.
3. My third superpower would be flying. I might be late for some
meeting. It's 9:35 and I need to be somewhere by 10:00 and
it's 30 minutes away. I would just forget about the car, and fly
to the meeting and be there at 9:50. Yeah...I would use my
superpowers for GOOD."
"Grandpa, why don't you just get the pepper shaker and put a
a few shakes on your food...and why don't you use your time
travel for something more substantial like going back in time
to undo something more serious than your gas issues...and why
don't you just get ready a little bit earlier so you're not late?"
"You're pretty smart for a little girl...what superpower would
you like to have?"
"How about the power to make you not be so mental?"