Snack Time

What's wrong
with this
picture? My
little beannie
baby got a
pack of sugar
in her mouth
and her best
friend Isabella
got a thing of
glue. That's
pretty normal
for 2 kids
from Tacoma
I guess. Which
of the 4 basic food groups do these come from?
I would guess that the sugar is a grain? and the
glue is a dairy product? but what do I know?....
....I just eat dogs.

Happy Fun Play Water Park

"Hey every
body! Look
at me! I got
my swimsuit
thing on. I'm
gonna go
into this
water thing
and it's all
wet and
stuff and
all the kids
love it cuz
it's super
hot right
now and
....HEY!
What the?
This is
so NOT
FUN. It's
shooting
water up
my butt
like a giant
bidet. Is
this 'sposed
to be for
Kids? It's
gonna turn
my swimsuit thing
into a swimsuit thong. Hey somebody get me outta here NOW!
This laser stream of water is gonna take my toenails out."

Hey Look! A Pretty Girl!......Oh, It's Just Me.

This is cool
cuz she's a
baby but
when you
bust an
adult who
checks
himself in
the mirror,
well that's
hilarious.
What can
they say?
"Yah, well
I was just
checking to see if I had anything on my face." Yah right.
You're just looking in the mirror cuz it's there. You're a
person and there's a mirror....go for it...
On the other hand, Namaile is like, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha...my reflection....ha ha ha ha...look at my face."

Have a Nice Chug? I Don't Think So

"Grandpa,
what are
some things
that you'll
never say?"
"Well my
little jello
shot, you'll
never hear
your Old
Grandpa
say stuff
like, 'Have a nice day' or 'Have a nice trip'.
Neither will I ever say 'Have a nice meal' 'Have a nice time'
'Have a safe trip' 'Have a clean shower' or 'Have a nice piece of dog'."
"Why not Grandpa? Why is it you never say stuff like that?"
"Cuz it sounds like I'm giving them permission to have a
nice meal, I'm approving them of having a safe trip, or I'm
allowing them to have a clean shower. Hey, they can have
one if they want. I hope they do, I just don't want to feel
like I'm giving them the OK to do it."
"OK Grandpa....I got it."
"Oh and little girl....have a nice chug of beer."

Favorite Pics.....

Number 6

This pic is cool cuz she's checking out this flower in

Seattle and she's thinking, "This is a flower. It's pretty. I like it cuz

it's pretty and it smells good." She got a good grip with her

right hand and her left hand is there in case it falls. I think

that qualifies her as a genius.

Number 5

The way she's holding her blanket and sucking

her thumb is exactly what her mom used to do

when she was small kid, except her mom would

smell my pillowcase. The look in her eyes says,

"One day, I'm gonna own you." Hah! she already does.

Number 4

Here's a pic of her first snow. So that's cool. It's

also a pic of her and her mom. You need one of

those in your 'Top Pics' list. She's thinking here,

"Man it's cold....where am I? North Pole?"

No my little snow bunny, you're in Tacoma.

Number 3

She's like barely born in this pic, and you

can already see in her eyes that she's gonna crack me up.

Her personality shows here and she's just new in town.

"Hey Grandpa, why don't you put the camera down

and get me a double tall mocha?"

Number 2

This is her first walk with Grandpa at Pacific Beach, San Diego.

She's checking out the seagulls, the ocean, the mermaids, the

flying fish, the dolphins, the pirate ship, and all the freaks walking

the boardwalk. "Grandpa, how come get so many freaks out here?"

"Little girl, they're all freaking out cuz they're jealous. They're

thinking, 'How come he gets to hold her?'"

"Hey you knuckleheads! I get to hold her cuz I'm her Grandpa!"

Number 1 Picture

This is my
favorite
cuz I got
a little
munchkin
in my
stinkin'
jacket....
And the
munchkin
is smiling
cuz she
knows that
her old
Grandpa
is holding
her....
I can see
in her eyes
that she's
gonna be
a funny
girl, and
actually right after the picture was taken she said,
"Hey Grandpa, make sure you email this picture to
me.....I got a feeling that it's gonna be your favorite."
What'd I say? ....Genius.

Haiku

Uncle Dan Galla

You're my bald headed uncle

Man, what's up with that?

Ocean breeze can soothe

Snow geese fly south for winter

Red tie is too long.

Orange bell peppers

Do I look like a rabbit?

" How 'bout some real food?"

Sounds of sea in shell.

Yay! Two inches of water.

You call this a pool?

More Haiku

Steven James... a boy

Namaile lives in his world

See-through skin is cool.

Yellow hibiscus.

Young girl goes, "Hey! Look at me!

My pamps are soaked, yo!"

Plumeria ear.

Yo! Put your hands in the air!

"How 'bout a Whoop Whoop"?

Um....Doesn't He Belong In Hole Somewhere?

What's up
with snakes
anyway?
Check her
out...she's
1 year 2
weeks old
and she got
no problem.
Why? Cuz
the snake
is only 2
inches tall
das why...
It's also
slithers,
so she can
run faster
than it can
move...and
it's silent
so it never
hassles her.
But I guess
these are
the same
reasons why
older girls
are scared of them.
Older guys too I suppose.
But not my little Namaile.
She's like, "So, don't show him to my Grandpa.
He might want to eat 'em...."

"Not Really That Funny, Old Man"

Why do I
do this? I
like to get
a scoop or
a spoonful
of something
and then
pretend like
I'm gonna
put it in
her mouth,
but I make
a U-turn
and then
stick the
stuff in my
mouth. And
then she
looks at me
like, "What
da deelio
Old man?"
And then I
get another
spoonful but this time I put the stuff in her mouth.
In this case, it's Salu-Salu Grill's famouse cantalope
drink. So now she's happy, then I do the routine
again. Get a spoonful, pretend like I'm gonna put it
in her mouth, and then I actually slurp it. I guess
it's funny...
"Namaile, is that funny or what?"

No Way....No Stinkin' Way

Here's a
conversation
that never
took place
back in
1977.....
"Hey brah,
what do
you think
about selling
coffee? I
mean, not
for no 25
or 30 cents.
I mean for
like 4 bucks?"
"What brah?
You crazy or
what? Are
you telling
me that some
idiot is gonna
pay 4 bucks
for a coffee?"
"Yah brah, but check it out....we're gonna put whipped cream
in it...and different flavors....and we'll say it's from Kenya or
Zimbabwe...das right....people will pay 4 bucks for that...
And you know what? We can sell cookies too...for $1.50 each.
And then, you can go tip the barista 1 buck for making you
the 4 dollar coffee...We should do it brah.... you like do it or what?"
"You crazy. Next thing you know, you're gonna tell me we
should sell water."

Hey There Namaile *

Hey there Namaile, you're just walking everywhere

You're going up and down the stairs

You hardly fall down anymore that I can see

You're such a funny girl to me

Yeah to me

Hey there Namaile, 'bout a year ago today

I saw you come into this world

Yeah I was there and I was proud as I can be

I always dreamed that you would be

be with me

Oh........what you do to me

Oh........what you do to me

-

Hey there Namaile you got music in your soul

Cuz when the radio comes on

You start to dancin' and a groovin' to the beat

I like to watch your happy feet

your happy feet.

Hey there Namaile when we're watching the cartoons

You always laugh when you're s'posed to

Cuz you laugh whenever I do and that's cool

It's good you don't know I'm a fool

yah I'm a fool.

-

Oh.......what you do to me

Oh.......what you do to me

I see you growing bigger more and more each day

It's hard for me cuz we both live so far away

-

Hey there Namaile when I look into your eyes

I see your mom when she was young

We used to swim and play and we had lots of fun

We're gonna do the same things too

Just me and you.

Hey there Namaile you don't live here with your Grandpa

So I see you when I can

And until then I pray that you will be okay

That's what a Grandpa's s'posed to say

And so I say...

-

Oh.........what you do to me

Oh.........what you do to me

Oh.........what you do to me

Oh.........what you do to me

what you do to me.

*(To the Tune of "Hey There Delilah")

Future Heartbreaker

What am I
gonna do
about this
girl? You
see her
eyes. They
are so
beautiful
to me. I
just know
that one
day she's
gonna
break my
heart.
That's
what my
kids do to
me, so why
should she
be any
different?
Her eyes
are saying,
"Grandpa, don't worry, I'll always be there for you.
Don't worry about anything cuz I will take care of
you and I'll massage your neck and shoulders and
I'll sing to you and play guitar and piano for you
and I'll cook all the things that you like okay Grandpa?"
Yah, right.

Aza Aza Fighting!

"Grandpa,
what's the
best Korean
drama ever?"
"Well my
little bulgogi,
that of course
would be
"Full House"
cuz it stars
Song Hye Kyo.
The story, of
course is
ridiculous and
very corny,
yet most
bookbooks
will agree
that "Full
House" would
be number 1."
You'll prolly
end up seeing
it once a year cuz that's what bookbooks do.
The best scenes of course is when she sings
the 3 Bears Song and when she barfs on his
shirt on the plane. And it's fun whenever
Hye-Won shows up on the screen to yell out,
"Hey Ho-won! Shut Up!"
Full House Video

Recycled Corn?

"Grandpa,
what's so
cool about
camping?"
"Well my
little
raisenette,
camping is
cool cuz you
get to tell
camping
stories. I
like to tell
stories 'bout
how poor we were. Like when your mommy was a small girl,
we were so poor that we had to let somebody go. Of course,
it was your Uncle Damian that we eventually laid off. And
we were so poor that whenever the photographer said "Cheese"
we all went to stand in line. And then, there was a time that
we were so poor that we recycled corn."
"How do you recycle corn, Grandpa?"
"Well my little Clif Bar, one day you eat corn on the cob, and
the next day you eat the same corn but this time it's in a salad."
"Yah Grandpa, but how can you eat the same corn?"
"Oh little girl........your Grandpa has so much to teach you."

Don't Forget to Face the Label to the Viewer

"Grandpa,
why do I
occasionally
see product
placements
in movies?"
"Well little
girl, it's one
way for the
producers to
get money
back in their
investment."
"How do
they do it?"
"Well they'll
be like, 'Hey
bartender,
I need to get
lit and I'm
an idiot.' So
he'll say,
'Have some
Cognac!'
Or maybe,
'Oh doctor,
my stomach
hurts and I
got the runs.
You got any
medicine that
would inspire
me?' 'How
about having
a nice cup of
Ovaltine?' or
'C'mon, get
those tennis
balls ready
so we can
play.......Hey
wait a minute!
This ain't tennis balls! These are Pringles!!! Why, I oughta....."

Well....Do They?

"Grandpa, is
there anything
that you can't
stand?"
"Yes, my little
choo-choo...
I can't stand
it when some
people apply
analogies in a
wrong way."
"Why not
Grandpa?"
"Cuz, why
should I wipe
my butt when
I'm only going to
doo doo again
tomorrow?"
"Grandpa,
are you sure
that analogy fits your argument?"
"Well little girl, does a chicken have lips?"

Namaile Discusses Beatles' Crap

"Grandpa, I know you like the Beatles but
isn't there crap in every Beatles album?"
"Well, it's hard to make an album with EVERY song being good."
"Grandpa, what about Abbey Road? Was that their best album?"
"No, I don't think it was....but I liked side 2 better than almost
any one of their other albums. Side one also had 'Come Together'
and 'Something'."
"But Grandpa, didn't side one also have 'Octopus' Garden'? That was
crap wasn't it?"
"Yup yup, that was doo-doo."
"And on the Sergeant Pepper album, wasn't there 'Good Morning'?"
"Well that wasn't as bad as 'Octopus' Garden'."
"Didn't the White Album have some crap?"
"Don't Pass Me By, Wild Honey Pie, Why Don't We Do It In the Road...
all crap..."
"And Grandpa, what about Revolver? 'Dr. Robert' was crap right?"
"Yup yup, more crap."
"So Grandpa, I guess the Beatles put out a lot of crap."
"I suppose so..."
"Grandpa, can I still wear this shirt?"

Some Crazy Talk

"Grandpa, what
is that music?"
"Well little girl,
that's Aretha.
This is her
version of
'Rock Steady'."
"Ohhh........
I like Gwen
Stefani's one
better."
"Yah, but you
should listen
to Aretha on
a real stereo."
"Grandpa, isn't
that dumb when
people say that
cuz 'anything' on
a real stereo will
sound good."
"Huh?"
"Well Grandpa,
even music you
don't really like
will sound good on a real stereo. You might like my music
on a real stereo....you would probably like Jack Johnson...
Bright Eyes.....Taking Back Sunday.....James Morrisson...
Copeland....
Celine Dion...."
"Whoa! Slow down there cowgirl....Now you're talking Crazy Talk."

Stevie

"Hey little
girl, have
you seen
Stevie
Wonder's
piano?"
"No,
Grandpa
I haven't."
"Yah, well
he hasn't
either."
"Hey little
girl, do
you know
why Stevie
Wonder's
leg was
all wet?"
"No
Grandpa,
why?"
"Cuz his dog couldn't see either."
"Grandpa, are you sure it's OK to say that kine stuff?"
"You're right little girl. That's not nice kine stuff to say...
It's not fun to make jokes about stuff like that...I'm glad
that you're sensitive to people and compassionate about
their problems. It's best not to make fun of people...
Sooo......what do you call a Bookbook walking a dog?"
"I don't know Grandpa...what?"
"A vegetarian."

It Only Gets Worse From Here

This is where
it begins....
First you
start playing
with a wallet
and then
next thing
you're taking
the cash,
and then
you borrow
the card,
and then
you get mom
or dad to
cosign for you and then payments are missed and then
mom and dad's credit rating goes down and then the
bank comes and confiscates everything and then the
power company shuts off your electricity and then
the hospital comes to collect your kidneys and you're
not even dead yet....
but it all begins here....checking out daddy's wallet.
How does Grandpa know? Don't ask.

Ham Bone - Fake Laughing

My little
treble clef
is crackin'
up for no
reason.
Sometimes
she just
fake laughs
really loud
and long.
She'll be
like, "Ha ha
ha ha ha ha!"
There's really
nothing funny
...Just her...
cuz she's fake
laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha!"
Everybody's
laughing at
her and she's
loving it...
Whatever...
It tells me one thing about my little granddaughter....
she does stuff to make other people laugh. That's cool.

Once Upon a Time.....

"Grandpa,
can you tell
me a story?"
"Ok, little
girl....Once
upon a time
there was a
handsome
prince and
he married
a beautiful
princess,
and when
they were
dating, she
always
massaged
his tired
neck and
shoulders,
but after
they got
married, she stopped cuz
she only like to go shopping for candles and knicknacks and
potpourri and crap. She was also busy eating chocolates. The end."
"Grandpa, do I know the beautiful princess?"
"Oh yes you do."
"Grandma, do you know this story?"
"Yah, the prince wasn't that handsome."
"Grandpa, how come your stories always junk kine?"

She's Just Like Her Grandma

"Grandpa, you're
really old yeah?"
"How did you
know my little
stick of butter?"
"Cuz you got all
those wrinkles
around your
eyes. And you
got those 'age'
spots on your
cheeks too. So
I guess you're
really old yah?"
"Well let me
think about it...
you just turned
one year old, so
I'm 49 years
older than you.
I guess that's
pretty old."
"Grandpa, are you so old that you're gonna die pretty soon?"
"That's funny, your mom asked me that a long time ago
when she was a small girl. And I'm still alive so....I guess
I'll try to stick around until at least you get married and
have a baby."
"Anyway, I was just wondering cuz if you do croak, can
I have some of your stuff?"

Q and A with Grandpa

"Grandpa, do
we come from
storks?"
"No little girl,
but I'll eat one."
"Grandpa, how
can you tell if
a turtle is a
boy or a girl?"
"Hmmm, let
me eat one
and I'll let
you know."
"Grandpa, can
elephants fly?"
"No but if it
could, after it
lands, I'll eat
it for lunch."
"Grandpa, how
can you eat a
whole elephant?"
"One bite at a time little girl."
"Grandpa, is there such thing as a unicorn?"
"No, but if there was, I'll eat one. I like mine with a light sauce."

Uncle Troy Goes Diving

"Grandpa
look, Uncle
Troy is
going to
go to this
little pool.
There's a
bunch of
people and
they're all
taking pics
and making
all kind
noises and
stuff. But
he's only
in there
for a short
time. Oh
da junk.
But it's hot
anyway
and it looks
like a good
way to
cool off. So
Grandpa,
what? You
think one
day I can go diving like Uncle Troy for a 1 minute swim?"
"One of these days my little can of tuna....one of these days."

Grandma Neneng - OG from Olongapo

Here's my
little cup of
Ovaltine
trying to
get away
from her
Grandma
Neneng.
"Hey, little
girl, why
are you
trying to
get away
from your
Grandma
Neneng?"
"Well my
cool but
old Grandpa,
isn't she a
gangsta?"
"Yes, she is.
She's part
of the gang
from a town
in the P.I.
Olongapo.
That's her
and her son
Uncle Ian flashing their Olongapo signs
that's cuz they're gangstas from Olongapo."
"Grandpa, actually isn't that the W sign for 'West Coast'?"
"No, that's the W sign for 'Walang Pera'."

HanaBada Nose

"Grandpa, what is hanabada nose?"
"Well actually little girl, that's funny you would ask.
Hanabada nose is same as sipon nose.
Hanabada comes from the latin words "hana"
which means nose, and "bada" which means
leaking with a clear or yellowish green substance.
Normally, a child with hanabada nose would also have
wet pamps and itchy mosquito bites.
If you were to look in a mirror right now, you would
see an excellent example of this."
"Grandpa, actually isn't 'hana' japanese for nose,
and 'bada' is Hawaiian Pidgin for butter. So 'hanabada'
would then be Pidgin for 'nose butter'?
"Ey what? You like one slap? Go wipe your nose."

Uncle Ira

Here's my
little apo
with Uncle
Troy and
Uncle Ira.
"What are
you trippin'
on little
girl?"
"I'm lookin'
at the mole
on Uncle
Ira's neck.
Grandpa,
how come
bookbooks
sometimes
have moles
with hairs
growing out
of it? Why
don't your
people pull
'em out?"
"Well first
of all little
cinnabon,
I think the
reason they
no pull 'em
out is cuz it looks cool, very native and ethnic.
There's nothing more attractive than a mole
with hair sticking out of it. Especially if an Aunty
has one. Nothing says, "I'm a bookbook" like a
mole with hair sticking out of it.
Secondly, that's not "YOUR people". It's OUR people."
"Oh yah Grandpa, true dat."

An Epiphany

"Grandpa,
what is an
epiphany?"
"Well my
little bag
of lychee,
I can't
tell you
what one
is but I
can show
you. You
see here
Jarick and
Nathan...
if you saw them walking down the street and
you were forced to put on some welders glasses
because of their bright light...you just had an epiphany."

A Conundrum

"Grandpa,
what is a
conundrum?"
"Well my
little goldfish,
I can't really
define it but
I can show
you what a
conundrum
looks like.
You see
these two
guys Jarick
and Nathan,
they are
SoCal books
but they're
making
shaka signs.
Here though,
we got some
Hawaii books
and they're
making
peace signs.
AND their
peace signs
have different
angles to 'em. Why?
So little girl, this to me would be a conundrum."

Pag Kumain Niya Nagkakamay

My little
bebot is
eating her
food book
book style.
She don't
need no
stinkin'
fork or
spoon cuz
she's going
native and
eating
kamayan.
That's a
pinoy word
for eating
with your
hands. You
roll your
rice into a
little ball
and push it
into your
mouth with
your thumb.
"Grandpa,
did you
wash your
hands first?
I saw you scratching yourself in the car."