"Irking Things"

"Grandpa,
what kind
of stuff irks
you?"
"Well my
little brown
and white
cinnabon,
one thing
that gets
me all irked
and stuff is
when some
knucklehead
says, 'pardon
the pun.'
That's when
I feel like
saying, 'Oh,
and pardon
the egg that
I'm gonna
throw at
your head.'
Another
thing that
gets me is
when some
dingleberry
says, 'Oh, that's an oxymoron.' That's about when I
say, 'Oh, and you look like you just ate an ox you moron.'
Another one is when some tool says, 'You know what
I'm sayin'?'...of course I have to say, 'No...what are you
sayin', you dimwit.' Actually I just like to say the word
- dimwit. The last one that kind of gets to my last nerves
is when somebody laughs and then ends his laugh with a
sigh.....it's like, 'HA HA HA Ha Ha ha.......haaaaaaaaauuum.'
It's as if they're saying, 'Ha Ha that made me laugh.....uh-oh
that made me sleepy too.'"
"Grandpa, you know what irks me? The taste of glass."