Good Driving Advice From Grandpa

"Look at me
Grandpa,
I'm driving
like you. I'm
driving with
my knees.
Why do you
drive with
your knees
you old and
dilapidated
Ilocano freak
of an ape?"
"Well my
cute little
manapua 'n
pork hash,
driving with
your knees
can be good
when you
need to text
somebody,
or if you
need to put
on some anti-
aging cream,
or if you ever
need to finish
your crossword puzzle. Sometimes you need to drive
with your knees so that your hands are free to massage
your tired knees from all that driving. One time a cop
pulled me over and said, 'Excuse sir, are you driving
with your knees? It seems that you're swerving and
hitting all those lane bumps, so I was just thinking that
you might be driving with your knees.' So I told the cop,
'Well yes, I am driving with my knees, but I need to have
my hands free to peel my orange and make some origami
birds and stuff.' Then the cop is like, 'All right sir, just make
sure you don't hit anybody. You might consider purchasing
one of those velcro attachments that connect your knees to
the steering wheel. Just an idea.' That was a cool cop."