Moani Scam

"Grandpa,
how pathetic
is my mom?"
"Well, she's
so pathetic
she would
look for only
people who
had a bag
of goodies
and then she
would shove
you into their
face and they
would fall in
love with you
and give you
all of their
goodies...you
really scored
big time..."
"Grandpa, I
don't know if
that sounds
right."
"That's not
all...your mom
would make
you say
"Thank You" in their language. So you'd say Domo to the Japanese.
Shay Shay to the Pakes...and Com Som ni da to the Koreans and
then you'd score even more stuff. It was a giant Moani Scam."
"Grandpa, where did my mom learn this stuff?"
"Thelma."

SeaWorld Shamu

"Grandpa,
I can't help
it.......I just
love Shamu
....he's like
my favorite
killer whale
of all time."
"Yeah.....I
can tell cuz
you've been
to SeaWorld
like a million
times....but
that's cool
cuz I think
Shamu is
the best too."
"Grandpa,
is it true that
Shamu eats
200 pounds
of fish every
day?"
"Yeah....and
that's why
it costs only
a quadrillion
bucks to see
him in action."
"Grandpa, I didn't like
it when they said they
get a different kid each
time to feed him."
"No worry...you're kind
of skinny.....they like the
fat kine kidsto feed the
killer whales."
"Grandpa, you know
any whale jokes?"
"Actually, it's a 'yo mama
joke'. 'Yo mama so fat,
that when she jumped
in the ocean, the whales
started singing, 'We are
Family.'"
"Grandpa, is that sposed
to be funny?"
"Ok...here's another one.
Yo whale so fat that when
she wears a raincoat, the
people yell, 'Taxi!'......
Yo whale so fat that when
she walks backwards, she
goes, 'Beep....beep....beep.'
Yo whale so fat that when
she went on a digital scale
it said, 'One at a time,
please.'"
"Grandpa, those aren't
even whale jokes....those
are 'Yo mama' jokes and
you're retarded."
"Okay...okay....how
about this one then....
Yo whale so fat that
she's on both sides of
the family."

Uncle Andrew Doing a Killy Killy Check

"Grandpa,
what's up
with stink
killy killies?"
"I don't
really know
but I'm sure
that it's not
a good thing
.....and then
occasionally
somebody
will give you
a tissue....I
guess so you
can dab your
killy killy....
and I'm like,
Hey brah!
Go dab your
own killy."
"Grandpa,
is that why
some chicks
use perfume?
So that you
can't smell
their stink
killy killy?"
"Yup...that's just about the only reason why chicks
use perfume...is so that you can't smell their killy."
"So... I guess you don't really care for perfume?"
"Not really...to me...the best smell is the smell of
soap and shampoo. The best lotion on a chick is
unscented. The best perfume is no perfume.....
And the worst smell is when the smell
of garlic is coming out of a chick's pores........Ugh."
"Grandpa, what does your wife use?"
"Grammy uses soap and shampoo."
"Cool."

Qualcomm Stadium...Sunday Afternoon...5:45pm

Lame excuses 1: "I didn't start it....It was the Spanish side."
Lame excuses 2: "I was just stretching after sitting for 4 hours."
Lame excuses # 3: "We started out waving...next thing you know
we're doing the wave....same thing right?"

Spank Your Grammy's Okole

"Grandpa, how does that song go?"
"Like this...Row row row your boat....
Spank your Grandma's okole...
merrily merrily merrily merrily
Spank your Grammy's okole..."


http://namaile.blogspot.com/2009/04/merrily-merrily-merrilymerrilybutt-butt.html

Lurkers

"Grandpa,
what does
it mean if
you say that
somebody's
a lurker?"
"A lurker
is somebody
who sticks
their face
in people's
pictures....
it's the same
as somebody
who likes to
listen to your
conversations
with other
people and
reading other
people's email
and inviting
yourself to
other people's
lunches and
lurking other
people's blogs
...stuff li' dat."
"Grandpa,
are you sure that sticking your face in people's pictures
is the same as inviting yourself to other people's parties?
I don't think so....I think it's just funny...check out my mom."

Which One is Ilocano?

"Grandpa,
is it the one
on the right?"
"No....he's
your Uncle
Mike and
he's not an
Ilokano..he's
impeccably
dressed."
"Grandpa,
you must
have used
spellcheck,
I see....how about the one in the middle? Is you an Ilocano?"
"Well, I'm half Ilocano...and I'm half Visayan. That means I
will eat just half of a dog....and I can sing on key half of the time."
"How about that guy on the left? Is he Ilocano?"
"Ohhh....Well...he's so Ilocano... you don't even have to ask.
He got the dark shirt in a white suit. He's got a plaid tie...that's
about all you need to know, little girl."
"Grandpa, what about your hat? What's up with that mess?"
"Oops....I forgot about that hat.............Ilocano in the house!"

Lawai

"Grandpa,
sorry.....I
fell asleep
on Uncle
Mike. He's
carrying me
and I just
knocked out."
"That's ok...
just gotta
watch the
lawai. Baby
lawai smells
okay, but
Grandpa's
lawai smells like pork."
"Why Grandpa, did you eat pork?"
"No... I guess my lawai just smells like pork."
"Grandpa, you old book...maybe you should floss more."
"I remember one time when I was riding the Honolulu
bus... I was all alone when I got on the bus...but when I
woke up...the bus was full of people...and there was a
pretty girl sitting next to me... and when I woke up there
was a pile of lawai on my lap... I guess I drooled it when I
was napping... it was pretty shame."
"Grandpa, did your lawai smell like pork back then?"
"No.... I think my lawai used to smell like Mickey's Big Mouth."

Public School, Private School, Penguins.

"Look at me Grand-Fool,
I look like one of those
Private School kids.....
one of dem kids with a
Snickers bar in my hand.
Grandpa, what's the big
deal about private school?
Is there a difference with
the private and public?"
"Well, my little Snickers
bar, I heard that Obama
went to Punahou but I
went to Barbizon...both
are private schools but
one became president
and the other became an
idiot. On the other hand,
your Uncle Damian went
to GED and your Grammy went to Radford. One
became your crazy uncle, and the other became
a Grammy that loves to go shopping at Mervyns
and Goodwill and watch Lost reruns. So is there
a difference between private school and public?
It looks like crazy people can come from both."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDN3L621ASI

Good Cover....Bad Covers

"Grandpa, check it out....I'm standing in front of a Sgt. Pepper cover.
What do you think, you old Visayan idiot?Is this the best cover ever?"
"Ummm, probably one of the best I suppose...of all the Beatles covers
....I always thought Abbey Road had the best cover. Meet the Beatles
was a close second....when I was a small kid, I used to draw the Meet
the Beatles cover all the time when I'd be doodling."
"Grandpa, I thought you just read magazines when you're doodling."
"Ummmm....the OTHER kind of doodling.....Speaking of doodling...
check out these NOT so cool album covers...."

http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/worst-album-covers

NBA Playoffs II

"Grandpa, check out this cool park thing...it's all twisted."
"Yes, my little blueberry muffin, it's all twisted, but not
as twisted as what I've been seeing in the NBA Playoffs.
First you got Craig Sager's outfits...I'm pretty sure he's
Ilocano....Then you got every NBA player CRYING after
every play...."REF! I GOT FOULED!" or "REF! WAAAH
WAAAH! WAAAH!".... then you got Ben Wallace with his
little beard in a rubberband... but the most twisted is the
Burger King commercial with their creepy "King" taking
a guy's Burger King Glasses and then the guy says, 'Why
don't you take my girlfriend while you're at it." and then
they do."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbZmQ8S1mbc&feature=PlayList&p=133F7B59324A7784&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=66

"Eh Blalah - No Ack!"

"Grandpa, what
does it mean if a
local says, 'Eh,
blalah...no ack!'"
"Well my little
butta mochi, if
a local person
tells you , 'Eh,
blalah...no ack!'
that means that
you should stop
doing whatever
you're doing cuz
you're an idiot."
"Oh...okay...."
"It also refers
to people who
actually can't act
....that would be
Vincent D'onofreak,
Keanu Gay Reeves,
Jean Claude Mahu,
Steven Sagala-gala and his ponytail,
and the worst of all time - Gayvid Caruso."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glvGfQnx3DI

Whatever

"Grandpa,
check it out
...I'm at this
cool park
thingy and
it's cool."
"Yeah.....
whatever."
"Grandpa,
you old and
retarded
orangatang,
what does
it mean if
somebody says, 'Whatever'?"
"Um.... when somebody says 'whatever'... it could either
mean they're bored with you or they think you're mental
or they are retarded or they don't understand you or they
it doesn't matter to them, they could go either way or they
don't have an intelligent answer to your question."
"I still don't know what that means."
"Okay.... ask me something."
"Grandpa, nowadays you eat oatmeal every morning...and
when you were a small kid, Lola made you oatmeal every
morning... but between the ages of 18 and 52 you ate anykine
crap, like donuts and bacon and butter and chicharon and
Cap'n Crunch and fried fat and ice cream and fried ice cream
and garlic fried rice with salty Tuyo and 2 fried eggs....
so my question is: What's up with that scenario?"
"Ummm..........whatever."
"OOooooooohhhhhhhhhhh........I get it now."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz7_3n7xyDg

Eight Months till Next January - Boom Boom POW!

"Grandpa,
check it out
........I got a
knife in my
hand and I'm
pretending
that it's a
microphone.
Do you think
that I look
like an idiot?"
"Well, actually
my little ham
bone...here's
a list of idiots
for you:
Rod Stewart,
Cyndi Lauper,
Lionel Ritchie,
Steve Martin
(why was he
playing that
banjo?), KISS
(old guys wearing make-up and leather), Carlos Santana
(why?), David Cook (rogaine now), Tatiana and Bikini girl.
Megan Joy the tatoo girl is a knucklehead. If I hear Fergie
sing 'Big girls don't cry' with that 'La La La La' intro, I will
hurl. And of course, the guyliner mahu when he was wearing
a leather jacket with Lady Gaga shoulder crap. And then at
the end after they announced that Kris won, the knucklehead
Borinky kept standing next to him so that he could have his
face on the TV. What a fruitcake."
"Soooooooooo..... you watched the whole thing?"
"Watched it? I teevo'd it so me and Grammy can watch it
again...................I know...........................I'm old and stupid."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iokfhX6v7kU

NBA PLAYOFFS!!!

"Grandpa,
check it out
.....I'm just
chillaxing,
watching a
little NBA
playoffs...
Grandpa,
what'dyou
think about
da Playoffs?"
"Well....it's
a little bit
weird how
apparently in Korea, there are giant mice that drive
their cars... and drunken Heineken beer drinkers and
their taxi drivers like to sing Biz Markie songs....and
I guess there are little people under the carseats."
"Grandpa, I was talking about the GAMES!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejfUvlTjj-U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jqZTJk30qg

Baby Aunty

"Grandpa,
did you hear
about the
66 year old
British lady?
She's hapai."
"Are you
thinking
what I'm
thinking?"
"Yup yup...
So how old
is Grammy
anyway?"
"Well my little triscuit, she says that she's 39."
"Well, if she's 39...that means that she was only
9 when my mommy was born."
"Great beard of Jebadiah! Another miracle!"
"Grandpa, if Grammy has a baby, she'll be younger
than me...but I gotta call her Aunty."
"Yeah, you can call her Baby Aunty."
"Yeah .... Grandpa, is Aunty Mahina gonna babysit
Baby Aunty all the time? Can I babysit Baby Aunty too?"
"Baby Aunty? Ha Ha Ha.....that's funny..............or is it?"

(..................to be continued..........................)

"Grandpa, Bookbook TV Made My Face This Way"

"Grandpa,
look at my
mental face
......do you
like it?"
"Ummmm
...yeah? It
reminds me
of the kind
of faces that
yer Grammy
makes when
I ask her if
I can have a
massage....it's the exact same face...exactly."
"Grandpa, where else do you see this same face?"
"It's the same face that I make when I watch some
of the TV shows on TFC....like Pinoy Bingo Night.
Kris Aquino is the ding dong that asks the most
stupidest questions to contestants....she's mental.
And then there's the show 'Kambal sa Uma'. It's a
story of twin girls who unfortunately have rodent
features cuz their mom lived on a farm and would
occasionally eat rats...which of course resulted in
her twin girls having rat ears and rat tails......but
one rat girl is prettier and less rattier than the other,
kind of like the Kardashian girls."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkaQp75Ba8M

The Artist Currently Known as Namaile

"Grandpa,
check it out
.......I drew
this cool
picture on
my drawing
thing. It's a
picture of
you....look...
the face is
mishapen,
bad haircut,
and the hair
is gray."
"Oooohhhh
...mmmmm
...that's nice.
I like your
toy. It looks
like you just
gotta slide
that button
and it will
erase the
picture.....
when I was
a small kid,
I think I had
something like that....it was called 'Etch-a-Sketch'.
It was good for drawing stairs. When you didn't like
your stairs, you just shook it then drew another one.
I wasn't quite as good as Will Ferrel in 'Elf'."
"Grandpa, drawing is hard. I have a hard time doing
the nose. So I just didn't draw one for your face."
"Oh that's okay...it's really not that hard. Just make
a letter "L". Of course, that's for a normal nose. If
you had to draw Michael Jackson's nose...you just
gotta draw two little dots."

http://stupidandold.blogspot.com/2007/12/12-27-07.html

In Namaile's Eyes

"And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh it puts a smile in my heart..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA

Fun With Fingers

"Grandpa, making faces is fun yeah?"
"Pretty much...it's right up there with flatulating,
listening to anything Randy Jackson has to say,
and watching Wowowee when Willie tries to make
people cry."

"Stuff For Guys That Are Manly and Tough..."

"Grandpa,
what's more
scarier.......
A Circque de
Soleil Clown,
your wife at
Goodwill.....
The Burger
King King....
Matt Gokey's
scream at the
end of Dream
On.............
or a cop right
behind you when you look in the rear view mirror?"
"Well my little bowl of cheerios, the Circque Clown is
no problem...I just change the channel, cuz I wouldn't
pay to watch it in Vegas .... Same thing with the Burger
King King and Matt Gokey...by the way, you just said
King King on this blog....the cop behind me as I'm driving
my 2000 Toyota Sienna is no problem cuz...c'mon, it's a
gray haired guy in a Sienna..... but your Grammy at
Willys?...... Scaaaary......Oops I just eeheed my pantalon."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX-KOhBlAhk

Over the Rainbow

"Grandpa, look....I'm a bookbook and I got a microphone in my hand."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN5afcbOktU

"Could You Hand Me One of Those Spatulas?"

"Grandpa, you know any good jokes?"
"Well, actually....these aren't that funny....but here goes....
Once upon a time there was a Grammy, and she said that
she's not coming home this weekend cuz she's gonna help
somebody have a garage sale in Portland...is that funny?
Here's another one....once upon a time there was an uncle
who was at work and he called his sister and asked her if
she could deliver some gum to him.....is that funny?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bJkB4jwwmE

Vinegar On Daisies

"Grandpa,
what do you
call these
flowers?"
"Oh...them?
Those are
daisies....
they're nice
and pretty."
"Grandpa,
how come
they don't
smell? They
just smell
like air....I thought flowers have smells to them."
"Well, my little cheeze curl, some daisies have no
smell and other daisies actually smell a little foul."
"Grandpa, what's up with that? Flowers should
have a nice smell... Like plumerias...they smell good."
"Well most flowers smell good so that pollinators
will be attracted to it and spread it's seed. It's kind
of like how armpits can smell bad which turns off
potential suitors..........but opposite. You get it?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyTn_m4oMww

Sponge Namaile ~ Square Grandpa

"Grandpa, do you like to watch Sponge Bob?"
"Ummm....Yeah...he's a sponge right? And
he lives underwater right? And he's a talking
sponge right? And sometimes he gets a drink
from a glass while he's underwater right? And
his friend Patrick is a starfish right? And this
is a talking starfish right? That show?"
"Yeah...that one. I like it cuz it makes me
wanna jump all over the living room furniture."

My Girls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltRwmgYEUr8

Boom Tarat Tarat

"Grandpa,
check it out
......my dad
is bonding
with me by
eating some
goldfish.....
this is fun."
"Yeah, well
sometimes
I feel sad
cuz a long
long time
ago, your
mom promised me that she would never marry and she'd
live with me and Grammy forever...but then again, I'm pretty
happy cuz now you're born and I love you so much....it's
just the circle of life..........you know...........'Hakuna matata'."
"Grandpa, have you actually ever seen the movie 'Lion King'?
Cuz 'Hakuna Matata' doesn't mean 'Circle of Life'... that was
just an Elton John song.......'Hakuna Matata' is Swahili for
'No Worries' or 'No Problem'.... so....anyway....I was just
wondering cuz you said, 'That's the circle of life, Hakuna
Matata.' You really should get your facts down, you know?"
"Oh wow.......harsh...."
"Well Grandpa, what would you think if I said, "Grandpa,
you're retarded ~Maui no ka oi..........or Grandpa, you're a
gigantic retard ~ Boom Tarat Tarat.....you see what I mean?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUso-0YOeyA

Father and Daughter

"Grandpa,
check it out
...this is my
daddy...his
name's Ken
and I guess
he married
your baby."
"Yeah, he's
a good dad.
He likes to
kiss you."
"How about
you Grand
fool? What
kind of a dad were you? Were you a good daddy too?"
"Ummm...I'm not sure about that...I used to forget
them everywhere, and find 'em a couple of days later.
When your Grammy had to work or be somewhere
else...I wouldn't dress 'em 'appropriately'....We didn't
have a lot of cash back then, so I had to feed 'em WIC
food...which was basically Gubmint cheese, powdered
milk and luncheon meat. We moved around a lot......
one year we moved 5 times....and I used to like to take
them to Sears and go up to a mannequin and tell 'em
to kiss their Aunty. I figured, 'Hey, it could be...??'"
"Grandpa, who'd you do that to the most?"
"Uncle Damian."
"Ohhh....well that explains a lot."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nSmgsPZN1k

Okinawa Meets Ilocos Norte (1/8 Only)

"Grandpa,
check it out
...we stay in
Hawaii Kai
area. Didn't
you used to
say all the
'Townies'
come from
this side?"
"Yeah, we
also called
it the 'No
Bookbook Zone', cuz hardly any books over there. I can
see that you're hanging out with Lola and the Japanee
Lola...that's Grandpa Dan's mother-in-law....she's not
just Japanee...she's Okinawan. I like her shirt...you gotta
zoom but it says 'I (heart) Maui' but you gotta look real
close cuz you can hardly see the red heart on the red
shirt so it almost looks like it says, 'I Maui'.....You know
what they say about Okinawans, little girl?"
"No Grandpa, what do they say?"
"Well, they call the Okinawans the 'Ilocanos of Japan'...
.................and they like guitars and Beatles............
....which makes them okay with me."

(random Japanee music)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBe2qAz_jtc&feature=related

Yummy Play-Doh Larva.....MMMMMM!

"Little girl,
what are you
doing over
there with
scissors and
play-doh?"
"Grandpa,
I'm making
giant African
larva....look,
here's the
baby larva,
and here's
the daddy
larva .....and
here's the
mama larva
........what do
you think?"
"Ummm....
why are you
making larva?
Why not cut
spaghetti or
some lechon
kawali.......or
some Pinakbet
...or maybe a
bunch of fried
calamari?......What's the big deal about Giant African larva?"
"Grandpa, did you say what's the big deal about larva? Man...
you crack me up. Check it out...larva is gourmet food, brah..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuB3kr3ckYE

Blindfold Test

"Namaile,
we have you
blindfolded
.....and now
you have a
spoon in
your hand
and we'd
like you to
taste this."
"Okay."
"What do
you think
you're eating and where do you think you're at?"
"Well, it seems to taste a little gamey.....maybe a
little bit stinky.... and a little chewy....is it dog?.....
Is it some kind of dog dish with coconut milk sauce?
And this place smells like chicken.....am I in some
province in the Philippines...or maybe Kalihi?...."
"Here...take off your blindfold....Look! You're in
Seattle and you're eating vanilla ice cream! Yay!"
"Did I win? Did I win??"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDa-y63JPZY

"Who You Calling a Sea Cow?"

"Grandpa,
would you
eat this?"
"Yeah..but
not all at
one time...
that's what
you call a
manatee...
if it was a
female, it
would be a
chick-atee."
"Grandpa,
that was pretty lame."
"Not as lame as this: Tarzan sees this dead manatee
floating on the water...so he goes, 'Nice underwear'."
"Grandpa, that's an old 'cheetah' joke...doesn't quite
make sense when you say 'dead manatee' instead of
'dead cheetah'."
"Okay, how's about this one: This manatee walks into
a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, why the long face?'
Later this second manatee walks into the bar with a
set of jumper cables...so the bartender goes, 'I don't
mind the long face, but don't be starting nothing."
"Grandpa, how about this one: This old Filipino guy
walks into a bar with a manatee, and the bartender
goes, 'Hey we don't allow stupid animals in here' and
so the manatee says, 'Sorry brah....C'mon Roy, let's go.'"

Sleepy Beddy Time Story

"Grandpa,
can you tell
me a bedtime
story please?"
"Okay, you're
really gonna
like this one...
either that,
or you're not
...those are
your two
options.......
Once upon a
time there
was a Filipino man...he was very very happy guy.
Then one day his wife went nuts and started going
shopping like a crazy lady. She'd even buy candles
....and more purses .......and shoes....it was horrible.
And then one day, this Filipino man received a gift
....it was a beautiful granddaughter who looked and
acted just like her mom. It was the best gift ever...
but then the baby lived in Seattle and the Filipino
man lived in a faraway place....it was horrible.......
and they hardly saw each other.....horrible. The end."
"Grandpa, that's not a nice bedtime story......
that's more like a bedtime nightmare."

(random song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xJlkrI3DLA

Swine Flu

"Grandpa,
you old and
wrinkled
Flip freak,
is there
anything
shaking?"
"Well, I saw
that the
collagen
lipped Octo
-mom is
thinking
about maybe
getting a pet pig....the only problem is that she lives
in a nice neighborhood and she can't have pig crap
smell so she says that the pig would have to wear a
diaper. So she got diapers for her 8 babies and she'll
need one more for her pet pig.... I hope this won't cause
an outbreak of Swine Flu in her neighborhood."
"Grandpa, I thought we weren't gonna talk about the
crazy lady that had 8 babies anymore."
"Oh yeah, I forgot....................here punch me."
"PUNCH"
"Tanx"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=714-Ioa4XQw

Rohrer - Passage

"Grandpa...Grammy and
you are pretty old yeah?"
"Well my little edemame,
not me...but your Gram
is ancient."
"You guys are gonna be
around though right?.....
I mean...when I'm like 18
or 26, you guys are still
gonna be here right?"
"Oh that? No worry....
....I think we're gonna be
here for a long long time.
I hope so......that's our
plan...but y' know, every
once in a while it's kinda
good to think that it's
your last day with her....
cuz then you'll be extra
nice to them and they'll
be extra nice to you. Cuz there'll be no regrets if some
crazy thing were to happen...cuz you never know...
I might accidently eat some poison steel cut oatmeal
.....or I might accidently see Sanjaya in person and
my eyes will bleed to death...but the hard part is
remembering to think about it...I mean remembering
to think we only have a short time left and show much
aloha to somebody you love. You do that everytime
you see your Grammy...you always hug and kiss her.
I guess we should always be that way, right?"

Raiders Will Lose Again.........Waaaaaah!

"Namaile,
what's the
matter?
How come
you're all
crying and
den?"
"Waaaaah,
Al Davis is
almost as
stupid and
old as you.
The stinkin'
Raiders
needed a wide reciever and they had the 7th pick.
They picked this guy that could have been selected
in the second or third round. And then they picked
this safety who probably wouldn't even been drafted
at all...maybe he would have been a free agent. So
once again, the Raiders are the laughing stock of the
NFL Draft."
"Don't worry little girl....it'll be okay....I mean, what's
so bad about picking somebody early when you could
have gotten that same pick later in the draft?"
"It's like you Grandpa...Grammy could have married
you in a later round, but you guys hooked up early in
the draft. You were her 7th pick but she could've got
you as a free agent.............
Grandpa......are you okay?....Grandpa, are you crying?"



(random song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KynpC1e9I9E

Top Five

"Grandpa,
can we do
another
list?"
"Okay my
little li hing
gummy bear
....here's my
top 5 list of
stuff that's
happened to
me while in
field service.
1. I'm with your Grandpa Matt in Aiea Heights
and some of his RV's fingers are short cuz
he works at Dole Cannery and everytime he needs
cash, he'd 'accidently' slice off the tip of one of his
fingers and the state would give him money.
2. In Seattle, Grandma Phon was going on an RV and
I ask her what's her name. She says, 'Oh her name is
Deep'. So I say, 'I hope her last name isn't Doo-doo'
and she's like, 'Oh no, her last name is Dung'.
3. In Seattle, one time Uncle Tony was in the back
seat of the van and a roll of wax fell out of his ear.
4. In Halawa, there was this dog on the balcony of
this house...and I start walking toward the house...
and my partner said, 'Brah, you better not go so close.'
And I said, "Eh, no worry." Cuz I could see that the
dog was on a chain. But then the dog started walking
toward me and I guess the chain was super long.....
and so I'm walking backwards really fast, and I tumble
down this guys hill and cut up my arm and shirt.
5. In Aiea, I was with somebody, I won't say his name
but it rhymed with Chill Bawrence. And anyway, this
guy rejected us...and as we're walking away, my partner
said, 'Hey Roy, I gotta go NOW'. So he knocks on the
guys door and says, "Excuse me, can I use your bathroom?"
And the guy lets him....Hoh I was rolling....
How about you little girl...What's your list?"
"Ummm...here's my top 2 list of thumbs I like to suck...
1. My left thumb
2. My right thumb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFLCGPXS1gs&feature=related

Michael's Back

"When a little kid drives a car into a tree,
you don't blame the kid...you blame the
30 year old lady who's sitting shotgun
and telling the kid to go ahead and drive."

"Yeah, Who's Stupid Now?"

"Grandpa,
I like your
wife....she's
cool....Does
she do any
kine funny
stuff?"
"Actually,
my little
dingleberry
....Thelma's
pretty cool,
she puts up
with me....
that's about
all I can ask for, really.....but she does a couple of things
that's pretty hilarious............ like when she's sleepy.....
she talks jibber jabber nonsense.........like if she's all
drowsy, your uncles and aunty will ask her questions
and stuff...and she answers them, but with ridiculous
stuff that makes no sense. Another thing she does that's
pretty funny is she uses a battery powered toothbrush
and a battery powered toe scrubber...what's up with
that nonsense?"
"Grandpa, don't you use a remote control for the TV?"
"Hey, you're pretty sassy for a girl I'm only having an
imaginary conversation with. I should be imagining
you making fun of your Grammy along with me."
"Yeah old man, who's stupid now?"

"You Want It? You Want It? You Want It?"

"I like Black Morning...look at this! Bwead. You want it?"
"That's a banana."
"No, that's a bwead...You want it?"
"Umm...that's a hamburger."
"No...that's .............."
"No no no...put it back."
"You want it?"
"No, thank you"
"Okay.....look...you want this? Make it four."
"MMmmmm....Choco-latte"
"Ha ha ha ha....Choco-latte"

"Find The Animal That Goes, 'Ack Ack Ack Frrrrit."

"Find the animal that goes, 'Honk Honk!'......(music)
That's right.......this is a mainland driver..............
Find the animal that goes, 'Wah Wah Wah Wah!...(music)
That's right.....this is a Chargers Fan....................
Find the animal that goes, 'Psst Psst Psst Psst'...(music)
That's right....this is a bookbook looking for a date....
Find the animal that goes, 'Ack Ack Ack Ack!'.....(music)
That's right....this is a Hair-lipped duck......
Find the animal that goes, 'Ack Ack Ack Frrrrrrit....(music)
That's right....this is a Hair-lipped duck with gas."

"Meat Appetizers. Meat Salad. Meat Entree. Meat Dessert. Meat Iced Tea"

"Grandpa,
how come
you don't
like to eat
vegetables
so much?"
"Well my
little pinipig
crunch, if
we weren't
supposed to
eat animals,
then why
did God
invent meat?
It's not that
I don't like
vegetables
so much, it's
more like I
love the taste
of fried pork
fat going into
my stomach.
And if I got
some lechon
or chicharon
in my mouth
then I hardly
have anymore
room for some
vegetable.....
one time I
almost slipped
on a garbanzo
bean.......that
could have
been fatal...
I heard that
animals eat
vegetables,
so if I eat a
cow, then I can save a step...skip the middle man...
And what about the word artiCHOKE? Not good.
Did you know that a Costco Hot Dog has vegetables
in it? It's got relish...that's a vegetable. It's got ketchup
which is from tomatoes and it's got mustard, which is
from a mustard tree. It comes with a soda, which is
often fruit based. So...no worry...I got it all covered."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest grandpa in the world."
http://www.pe.com/entertainment/restaurants/stories/PE_Ent_Daily_D_dining1005.13db4ab.html