Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Halawa Going For the Gold

"Grandpa,
what's the
scoop with
Halawa?"
"Well, my
little gummy
worm, that's
my alma
mater...dass
where it all
began. They
used to call
it the book
book hall...
but that was
before there
was a real
bookbook
hall...but
they still get
plenny books
in Halawa..."
"Yeah, I can
see plenny
making the
shaka sign...
what's the
scoop with
that?"
"Well the
shaka sign
was invented
by the books.
One day, one
of my people
was trying fo
dig deep for
gold, and he
thought if he
could use his
thumb, he
would be able
to get the most of his efforts. But just in case his nostrils
wasn't big enough, he had his little finger ready...just in
case....as a back-up. So whenever somebody would say,
'Eh, howzit bruddah' ...the bookbook would be going for the
gold and he'd say, 'I'm going por de gold, manong' and he'd
have his thumb up in there....and then he'd finish it off with
his pinky...of course, the pinky nail would be longer than his
thumb... and as you know, hoping that he could go where
no man has ever gone....in fact that's what Ethan is doing
with his dad, Uncle Ron."

Kalla Moon Guy Flowers

"Grandpa, check out
this huge yellow tree
in front of Aiea library,
all of the pretty yellow
flowers on the ground
is really really really
nice to look at."
"Yeah, well in Hawaii
there's so much pretty
trees and flowers and
other stuff. This Golden
Shower Tree is not even
the prettiest tree over
here in Hawaii.......the
prettiest tree in Hawaii
is actually the plumeria
... and really it's kind of a
common tree and I think
the plumeria lei is prolly
the cheapest lei you can
buy, but it's that simple
beauty of that flower that
appeals to me the most.
And it really smells good too. They get orange, pink, yellow
and red flowers. The white one is everywhere...it doesn't
grow so good in the mainland, but your old Grandpa got a
few small kine trees. Not too much flowers though...you
cannot beat Hawaii for plumeria trees.....they stay all over
the place. But all the flowers here are all pretty....hibiscus,
red ginger, ilima, protea, tuberose, and kalamungay."
"Grandpa, you sure the kalamungay get pretty flowers?"
"Oh yeah, get the small oval green flowers that Lola puts in
her soup with chicken necks and ginger....."
"Eh knucklehead! Dass the leaves, you ding dong."

What's Retarded at Pearl City Starbucks

"Grandpa,
you Filipino
Orangatang,
what have
you found to
be retarded
lately?"
"Well it's a
bit retarded
whenever
my Starbucks
drink costs
over 3 bucks."
"So what do
you drink ...
you old and
wrinkled
has-been?"
"I guess for
the last 5 or
6 years, it's
been the
same old
crap...grande
decaf ameri-
cano with
extra-extra
caramel
sauce (not
syrup) and
a little bit of steamed milk. So that's really mental, yeah?"
"But why do you drink decaf? Isn't that like drinking non-
alcoholic beer? I mean, what's the point, you knucklehead?"
"Well, my little bundle of joy, I just like the taste I guess.
I haven't had caffeine since '94, and if for some reason I
accidently have some, I get these bad bad headaches that
won't go away until the next day...so I just stay away from
the caff. But if they make my cup just right, it's just goes
down really really good...even better with a crumpet. But it
still irks me that it costs so much."
"You should get what my mommy gets me. It's soy mocha
with whipped cream...it's super good...and it picks me up."
"Ha Ha...that's funny... cuz your mommy TELLS you it's
a soy mocha, but actually it's just hot chocolate with whip...
and so really your drink don't even got no caff in it."
"Thanks for the buzzkill Grand-ape. But, guess what I find
retarded? I think it's mental whenever some old guy grabs
my toy baby doggie and pretends like it's eating my crumpet
and then makes doggie sounds. That's pretty lame. Almost
as lame as having Michael Buble-gay sell your product."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRlgc6GA924&feature=PlayList&p=91FBBA43AC7517E2&playnext=1&index=10

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

"What Idiot Made Salt Lake Boulevard 25 MPH?"

"Grandpa, is it better to be fast or to be slow?"
"Well, my little crack seed, it kinda depends...
like when your Grammy is irking me and she wants me
to do something, it's fun to be really slow about it...but if
I want something from her, like dinner for example...it's
imperative that she be fast about it... 'Um...how long does
it take to fry spam?' On the one hand, when I wanna go
somewhere and I'm late cuz your Grammy took forever to
choose her outfit, 'Um ... what does this purple flower old lady
dress go with ?' ...then it's good to be able to drive fast so
that I can be on time... on the other hand, I don't wanna get
pulled over by Adam 12 or Ponch or John so I gotta drive
really slow.... 'Eh! Who's the knucklehead who determined
that Salt Lake Boulevard be 25 MPH?'"
"Hey you old hypertensive orangatang............... Adam 12?"
"Yeah, that's right, I'm old...."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"No Mommy! Doodoo Hands...Taste Good."

"Grandpa,
I want to
suck my
thumb but
mommy
wants to
wash my
hands first.
I don't get
what the
big deal is."
"Well, my
little haole
girl...the big
deal is that
you don't know what kind of stuff you went touch...what kind of
crap stay on your hands...you know here in Hawaii, they get all
kinds of cocka-roaches and ukus and kukai and lawai and gecko
droppings and da old bookbook ladies spitting out their chewing
tobacco or betelnut and hanabadas that went drip from da keikis
and door knobs full of bagoong juice...so you better wash da hands."
"Excuse me, but don't your people actually PUT bagoong in food?"


"One is a Genius .... the Other Insane"

Grandpa Dan: "But why do they call it a pinky?"

Namaile: "No, it's a finger."

Grandpa Dan: "But don't they call it a pinky?"

Namaile: "No, that's a pinky door."

Grandpa Dan: "Oh, pinky door?"

Namaile: "Yeah."

Grandpa Dan: "Oh... I don't know who.....that is."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs

Saturday, February 21, 2009

"Grandpa, Why Did They Name It Crazy Shirts?"

"Grandpa,
how come
they went
name their
store....
Crazy
Shirts?"
"Well my
little snack
parfait, I
think what
happened
was that a
long long
time ago,
actually the
place was
called,
'Retarded
Shirts'....
but I guess
sales were
not that
good....so
then they
went change
the name to
'Thelma
Shirts' but of course that offended the Radford class of '75.
They tried 'Mahu Shirts' but that irritated all of the Buble,
Archuletta and Jonas Sisters fans. They even gave 'Space
Shirts' a try, but Paula Abdul got mad. So, next they tried
'Nothing Meaningful to Say Shirts' a shot, but of course,
Randy Jackson got mad. So they finally settled on 'Crazy
Shirts' and the only one that got mad was Uncle Damian...
so I guess it's all good."

Aiea Library 1958

"Grandpa, why do you like the show 'Life on Mars'?"
"I like any show that involves time travel ... that's
why I like other shows like that....'Quantum Leap',
'Back to the Future', 'Groundhog Day', 'Frequency'
and 'Bill and Ted'. I especially like the idea of going
back...if I could.... I'd take you back with me."
"Where would you take me, Grandfool? Would it be
70s New Years on Hokea Street? Or the 1977 Raiders
Super Bowl? Or to Kalapana - C&K at Aloha Stadium
in 1976? Where would you take me?"
"Actually, all of those would be good. But first, I guess
I'd take you to Aiea Library 1958. Do you see this big
yellow tree? This is where our house used to be when
I was a small kid. My Ilocano dad was still alive and
me and Grandpa Dan used to play here when we were
your age now. It would have been nice to run with you
back in hana bada days. You know, you are closest to
the people that knew you when you were younger.....
I was there when you were born, and it would be cool
if you knew me when I was small so you could feel the
same thing I have for you. But anyway....If I could....
I'd take you back....."
"Grandpa, I think you just did."

Friday, February 20, 2009

Out in Field with Aunty Glenda

"Grandpa,
what's the
difference
between
field in the
mainland
and field
in Hawaii?"
"Well, one
thing that's
different is
that in the
mainland,
when you
go field, we
go break
at some
coffee place
like Tully's,
Starbucks,
or some
foofoo place
but over in
Hawaii, you
can break
at Leonards
and eat hot
malasadas,
or Aiea get
fresh manas, baked or steamed....or you can go Aiea
shave ice place and have anykine flavor with azuki
beans and ice cream on top...or you can go anyplace
and get fresh ahi poke with cold Budweiser...."
"What grandpa, you can drink beer in field in Hawaii?"
"Oh yeah......... After you pau field you can....
no forget to take off your tie..."
"Grandpa, what else is different about field in Hawaii?"
"Well in Hawaii, you can tell your return visit, 'Eh bla-lah,
you remember me or what?' and then they will say,'Ho,
you da guy dat went leave magazines yeah? Was so good.
What? You get some more o' what? I like read 'em.' and
then you can say, 'Heeah den, read dis one...it's good...
it's about Mary...' and then they'll say, 'Ho, brah...dat's
da same one you went give me last time...try look...
January issue brah... January....I already get 'em...what?
You no more da Feb-you-ary one? You knucklehead!'
and then you can say, 'Ho, sorry bla-lah, I never place
all my January issues yet...you sure you no like another
Mary issue?' and then they can say, 'Fo real? I can have
another one? Ho...tanks brah....I can give this one to my
cousin Junior Boy... You get some more? I like give to my
Aunty Honeygirl..."

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Crackin' Up at Knock Knock Jokes

"Grandpa,
you ancient
and wrinkled
fool, do you
know who
these guys
are?"
"Well my
little MiniMo
...that would
be Ethan up
in front, his
dad - Uncle
Ron that's
holding you and Uncle Nelly holding down the back.
And somebody with a giant green ring got her hand
on Ethan's shoulder. I hope she won't get carpal tunnel.
It looks like everybody's cracking up at something.
Did Ethan tell you the famous Hawaii knock-knock joke?"
"No...what's the famous Hawaii knock-knock joke?"
"Well, it's not even really that funny....here it goes.....
Knock knock...who's there?...Me Ma.....Me Ma who?..."
"Grandfool, is that the joke? That's sadly un-funny."
"Yeah, well if you've had a few beers...it's hilarious."
"Grandknucklehead...what's the best knock-knock
joke you ever heard?"
"Well, I have to warn you first...my sense of funny
isn't probably gonna be your sense of funny.....
But here goes....
Tell somebody, 'Knock knock'...and then when they say
'Who's there?'...just turn around and walk away."
"Grandpa, did you fall on your head when you was small?"

(click on the picture and check out that green ring)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

"Toya Loong Kaya" With Lola

"Grandpa,
check it out
...your mom
is carrying
me on her
legs and we
are going up
and down...
kind of like
riding a
horsey....I
guess.......
she likes to
sing this old
Visayan song
....'Toya .....
Loong kaya...
tapay-tapay
nang laya....'
What does
that song
mean?"
"Well my
little chicken
empanada...
I think it
translates to
'Thelma......
oh Grandma,
you shop you shop too much laya..'
I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that's what it
means. Don't quote me okay?"
"Grandpa, how come Lola has bedsheets covering
everything? She got bedsheets covering the sofa,
bedsheets covering the chairs, and the artwork?
Is it because I'm visiting her this month?"
"Actually, my little cinnamon malasada, she's been
covering stuff ever since I was a small kid. We used
to have plastic on all of our stuff...so I guess using
bedsheets is an improvement. I think she does it is
so that stuffs don't wear out. "
"Grandpa, if we cover you with a bedsheet, will you
not wear out?"
"Every night I cover myself with a bedsheet, but
it doesn't seem to help."

Monday, February 16, 2009

"Buenas Dias Knucklehead"

"Grandpa,
here's a pic
of me out
in front of
Lola's yard
...she gots
planny
flowers and
it's really
pretty.....
I'm having
a lot of fun
here in 808
....what's
crackin' over there in Oceanside?"
"Well, we went to James O'Connor's wedding and ate
like a pig...then went to Oriental Market yesterday and
ate like a pig...your Grammy made some Butter Mochi and
RumCake.....yes, and I ate like a pig....that's pretty much
all that happened. Oh and, we was out in field yesterday,
and saw some Spanish friends...of course I stuck my head
out of the van as I drove by them and said, 'Buenas Dias
mis hermanas'....and they looked at me and replied, 'Hi'.....
They couldn't reply back in Spanish, 'Hola knucklehead...
gracias for trying' ......Hmmmmm.....was it my accent?...
.........I don't know.....maybe it was the way I said it....
They were probably thinking like how cats think when
people see 'em and say, 'Hey cat! Meow.....Meow.....Meow..'
the cat is thinking, 'Look at that retard trying to talk 'cat'."

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Aunty Dez and Her Dad

"Grandpa,
check out
this picture
with me n
Aunty Dez
and her dad
...his name
is Gus Gus."
"Is that the
same Gus
Gus from
Cinderalla?"
"No you
retarded
Ilocano-Visayan orangatang. That was a Disney character.
Dez's dad is a Visayan character. Btw...you chap-lipped flip,
how do they do those Disney mouse voices? It's all high
Dennis Pavao falsetto an den."
"Well, my little pink Flintstone pill, all they do is get some
real mice and teach 'em how to sing, and then through the
miracle of high technology, speed up their voices so that they
sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. It's pretty simple."
"Grandpa, you're so smart. You're the best Grandpa ever."
"Yes, I know."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY30B9ZMq4U&feature=PlayList&p=BA97C1862C94F2C2&playnext=1&index=9

"No, I Don't Have Any Archuletta"

"Grandpa,
check out
this cool
desk that
I get to
draw on.
It's got a
light inside
so that it
makes my
drawings
all pretty.
Do you got
a desk at
your work?"
"Well, as a
matter of
fact there
my little
Haagen Daz
bar, your old
and stupid
Grandpops
gots a desk
at work.....
I don't have
a cool light
underneath
but I got a
subwoofer
and a beach
guitar under
there to rest
my footsies,
and I got a
talking fish
that wears a
lei made up
candy and a
lei on his tail
made of a
wristband
that says
'Safety'......
and a bunch
of CDs like
C&K's first
album and
other good
stuff....and
I got a toy
giraffe that
makes noise
when you
push down
on his head,
but the best
thing I got is a mess of papers everywhere, and Skyflakes
cracker crumbs all over the floor, and squashed up chocolate
pieces squished all over important papers, an old Pioneer
receiver which plays all my Kalapana, Dave Matthews, Beatles,
Steely, Jimi, Stevie before '78, Marvin, JT, Boz, Lopaka Marley,
Q, Stax, Motown, and anything good."
"Grandpa, don't you got any stuff that Aunty Mahina likes?"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

"How Ironic...A Book Reading a Book"

"Grandpa,
how many
books are
there in a
library?"
"Wwwell,
my little
spring roll,
it depends.
Like in the
top picture
I'm not
sure how
many are
inside the
library, but
outside I
can see two
books. And
it makes a
difference
which place
you talking
about...like
Salt Lake /
Moanalua
Library get
a fair amount
of books but
the Waipahu Library get choke books. The libraries over
here in San Diego has a modicum amount of books in the
La Jolla area...but in National City, the books are a-plenty.
I would say the amount of books there is almost as much
as the amount of books in Kalihi."
"Grandpa, you retarded ape, are we talking about the
same books?"



Wednesday, February 11, 2009

"Beaches...Ocean...Collagen...Doo-Doo"

"Grandpa,
check it
out.....I'm
at Ko Olina
beach on da
Westside...
I was just
thinking...
there's so
much sand
over here..
is there
anything
that's as numerous as the grains of sand on this beach?
And is there anything deeper than the Pacific Ocean?"
"Well, my little purple skittle, the answer to your first
question is - the amount of collagen that was injected
into the lips of the lady that just had 8 babies....and the
answer to your second question - the amount of doodoo
that she has just stepped in."

"Thanks Grandpa....That Was Really Interesting"

"Grandpa,
have you
ever been
bored to
death?"
"Well, as a
matter of
fact, my
hapa-haole
kitty kat,
I've been
bored lots
of times...
one time a
co-worker
was just
jibber-
jabbering
about who-
knows-what
... I hope I
never get a
year-end
review from
my manager
again.......
'Roy, you're
the best
employee
we've ever had'....'Roy, you've surpassed all of our expectations
and I believe we should name an award after you.'.....'Roy, would
you consider taking my job, on your way up to the top of course,
and then when you become CEO of our company, would you give
yourself a big bonus for your awesomeness?'.....'Roy, could we clone
you, so that we could have even more perfect employees in our
company?'.... Year-end reviews can be soooooooo boring.
You know what I mean, little girl?.........Little girl?......Namaile?.... "
"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-cEns1luUA


Monday, February 9, 2009

Grammy? What Grammy You talking About?

"Grandpa,
what do you
think about
my Grammy?"
"Well, actually
I thought it
went fairly
well last nite.
They had a
lot of live
music and
not so much
talking and
accepting
awards and
giving speeches
although I thought it's always funny whenever the award
goes to more than one person, like a band or a duo, and
then they gotta come up a say thanks to everybody. Like
last night, the first time Robert Plant and Allison Kraus
came on stage to accept a Grammy and Robert Plant said
his nonsense and it looked like Allison wanted to say something
but some girl escorted them away from the podium. I think
that there should be a rule that whenever there is multiple
winners that only one person can talk. One suprise for me
was Al Green, Justin Timberlake (he's bringing sexy back),
Boys to Men (not quite at the end of the road yet) and Nicole
Kidman's husband did 'Let's Stay Together'. It came off really
really good and Nicole's husband can play the guitar. It was a
last minute replacement for Chris Brown who had to bounce
cuz he was at the PoPo station. For a last minute thing, it came
off really flawless I thought. So, all in all, I thought the Grammy's
came off pretty good."
"Hey, old flip, I was talking about your WIFE."
http://namaile.blogspot.com/2008/08/grammy-forget-grammywhat-about-grandpa.html

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

"Hey Food! Do You MInd? I'm Trying to Eat You."

"Grandpa,
do you ever
talk to your
food?"
"Well my
little crack
seed, every
once in a
while I'll say
to my food,
'Hey food,
who went
cook you?
Rachel Ray
da Wacko?
You taste
like wood.'
Why do you
ask?"
"Ummm...
Grandpa....
this french
fry is trying
to talk to me."
"Pssst.........
hey little girl
...If I were
you, I'd avoid
starches....it's a pretty useless food group....stuff like
rice and bagels and pasta and POTATOES. It don't got
no redeeming nutritious value....all it does is produce
giant doodoos and makes your butt big. Do you want
a gigantic butt? By the way...the answer is NO....so
don't eat me, okay? Go eat your stinkin' vegetables....
vegetables is good for you. Mmmmmm.......gulay..."
"Hey you knucklehead french fry...aren't you a vegetable?"
(click on the bottom picture)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Can I Just Hanai You Right Now?

"Grandpa, do you like
the way I draw? I know
I'm not as good as a big
girl...but anyway, I was
just wondering...cuz i'm
not sure if I'm drawing
so good and I want you
to love me when I'm junk."
"Well my little bulgogi,
I would love anything
that you do....if you were
to draw a kangaroo, I'll
love it...even if you drew
it with pink and purple
polka dots and the lines
were all crazy and even
if you included things that
made it biologically correct
........and even if you made
a giant pile of kangaroodoo under it's okole...and even if you
put clothes on it, like one of those mahu dogs on the mainland
...and even if you put a different kind of animal in it's pouch
and named it 'Steve'....and especially if you made it smile and
you drew a rainbow and a sun with a smiley face on it...
cuz you're my baby girl... just like your mom and Aunty Mahina
and there's nothing that you can do that could make me not love you.
Everything you do is perfect, and everything you do makes me happy."
"Grandpa, even though I don't really understand a word you're saying
...cuz after all, this is an imaginary conversation...I know you love me.
Now back off old man....I can smell your breakfast."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

The Truth About Super Bowls

"Grandpa, what is the big deal about the Super Bowl?"
"Well, my inquisitive little siopaw, the whole thing about
Super Bowls are the commercials. They usually show the
best commercials at the Big Game."
"Grandpa, you oafish orangatang, are you telling me that
nobody cares about the game?"
"Actually, nobody cares about the game unless the Oakland
Raiders are involved. That's why this year, people will only
be watching the game to watch the commercials."
"Grandpa, are you retarded?"
"Um........................................yes."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dKMtWqGoNQ

Friday, January 30, 2009

"A Measure of Intelligence? Yeah Whatever."

"Grandpa,
look at me,
I'm acting
like I'm
thinking."
"Oh good...
thinking is
good. I like
to think too.
Thinking is
a sign that
you have a
measure of
intelligence."
"Ha ha ha ha. Grandpa, you just said that you have a
measure of intelligence. That's funny."
"Well, actually I wasn't trying to be funny. It takes
brains to type... and it takes brains to cut and paste
your pictures onto this blog... and it takes brains to
not confuse my Ps and Fs...and it takes brains to type...
and it takes brains to flay fing fong and not fark the car
too par away...and it takes brains to type..."
"Grandpa, does it take brains to have imaginary conversations
with your granddaughter?"
"Ha ha ha! Imaginary conversations with my granddaughter?
Man...you crack me up. Didn't you say, 'Look at me, I'm thinking.'"
"Actually, I said, "Look at me, I'm acting like I'm thinking."

The Jonas Sisters

"Grandpa,
is there such
a thing as
bad music?"
"Well, my
little skyflake
cracker, in
theory the
answer is
no....because
there's good
in almost
every kind
of music....
but actually there's quite a bit of crap out there."
"What crap would that be, you old dilipidated Ilocosayan?"
"Well, it would be any of these:
Michael Bublagay
Celine Diwrong
Gayson Mraz
Gayvid Archuletta
Conner Ob-worst
The Jonas Sisters
Any song where the singer says, "what" often and for no reason.
Any song where they TRY to make you cry with lame lyrics
(but instead you laugh your head off or throw the radio
into the trash can because the stench of the song cannot
be removed from the radio)
...and any song where the singer pronounces "lady" this way:
"Lay-Tayyyy"."
"Grandpa, what are you playing on the computer?
Is that the video of the knucklehead Village People?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UttODQflfK8

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Knocked Out

"Grandpa,
do you like
it when I
massage
you?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is this the
spot right
here?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true
that you cry
whenever
you see a
sunset?"
"Mmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true
that 2 wrongs
don't make a
right, but 3
lefts do?"
"Mmmmm"
"Grandpa,
is it true that
the best movie
of all time is 'Empire Strikes Back'?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, is it true that the worst song of all time is a tie
between 'Kokomo' and any song by Celine Dion?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, is it true that there's a pot of chicken sinigang
on the stove right now, but it's made up of five thighs?"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"
"Grandpa, that must have been a weird looking chicken."
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmm"

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

BookBook Tea Chai

"Grandpa,
you keep
calling me a
bookbook,
but I looked
it up and I
found out
that you're
calling me
the wrong
stuff....I'm
not a book-
book....I'm
a buk-buk."
"Well first of all, you're not a full-on bookbook....you're
only one fourth bookbook...cuz your Grandpa is a full-on
book, that means your mom is a half book and....by using
simple trigonometry, you can deduce that you're only
one fourth book. So instead of calling you a bookbook...
I guess actually you would only be a "boo"...not even a
full book. And secondly of all..............................okay,
I forgot the secondly part."
"Grandpa, where did the word buk-buk come from anyway?"
"Well, this is only what I heard .... but it came from Hawaii
when Ilocanos would be talking, it's a pretty harsh language,
and when they talk, it's like, "Bading telly dong tea chai bookbook".
Anyway, that's what it sounds like....Remember, it's only what
I heard and I wouldn't repeat that to anybody or put it on a
blog or anything."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=buk-buk

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

HAUNA Feet and PUKA Socks

"Grandpa,
...Hey You
knucklehead
bookbook...
what's more
worse than
a purple
sofa?"
"Actually
little girl...
that's not
purple....
that's more
like mauve.
And it's not so bad...it's typical bookbook colors.
But to answer your question...what's more worse
than a mauve sofa is a little girl with her boots on 'em.
What? How come you no take off your boots when
you come in da house? So RUDE an den."
"Grandpa, this is the MAINLAND. Over here, it's
perfectly normal to wear shoes in the house. And
actually it's rude to take OFF your shoes, cuz planny
people over here get HAUNA feet and puka socks."
(old video from August)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

"Dancing to the Music in my....OUCH! Who just kicked my Butt?"

"Grandpa,
check out
my boots...
would you
like me to
kick your
butt with
them?"
"No, my
cute little
batsumaru,
but I know
who's butt
I'd like for
you to kick...
This knucklehead Sanjaya is going around promoting
his new book and CD 'Dancing to the Music in my Head'.
How about kicking his butt for me with those shiny little
boots of yours. And while you're at it...kick the kumu
from the Halau that taught him this crap..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W05rbtNwFY

2 Snowbunnies and a Book

"Grandpa,
check out
my posse.
We like to
go around
muggin' on
all the girls
and saying
how jackd
up their
outfits are.
In a couple
of years,
we'll be
eyeing up
all the fellas and saying how jackd up their outfits are.
What do you think we should name our posse?"
"Ummmm... how about '2 Snowbunnies and a Book'?"
"How about you Grandpa, were you ever in a posse?"
"No, nobody wanted to hang around me. But if I ever
had a posse, there would be 5 of us. One would be the
athletic one, one would be the cute and younger one,
one would be the funny one, one would be the angry
guy, and the last one would be the old and stupid one."
"Grandpa, I know which one you are."

Friday, January 23, 2009

Way da Excellent Shoppahs At? Rye Cheeyah

"Grandpa,
look at me.
I'm a good
shopper."
"Yuuup, it
looks like
that you're
getting just
the good n
healthy stuff
and prolly
on sale."
"Hey you
knucklehead
Ilocano and
Visayan
freak, are
you a good
shopper too?"
"Well as a
matter of
fact, I'm an
excellent
shopper.
Check it out
...today I was
at Costco and
I was eating
all the free
snacks from
all da aunties.
And I was
just planning
to eat that
and then I
was gonna
get me a hot
dog or a slice
of pizza. But
then this
aunty was
passing out
Pita Bites
with Chunky Artichoke and Jalapeno Dip on it.
It was so ono, that I bought it. The box of Pita
Bites has to be a good deal cuz it's in a box about
the size of your Grandpa's okole. And the Dip is
in a container of 998 ounces. It'll take us about
5 years to finish it. So, yeah, I guess that you
can say that I'm an excellent shopper."
"Don't worry Grandpa, you can put that big
container of dip next to that giant container of
Costco Mayonnaise that's in your fridge."

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Barbizon and Radford

"Grandpa,
look at me
...I'm at a
desk acting
like I'm
doing some
schoolwork
or drawing
or something
... Will I be
going to a
school one
of these
days?"
"Yeah, I'm
pretty sure
you'll be in
some school
one of these
days."
"Grandpa,
you old and
mental one,
did you go
to school?"
"Yeah, I
know.......
sometimes
it seems like
I didn't, but actually I did go to a bunch of schools.
But I eventually graduated from John Robert Powers
Class of 74. Modeling School was the best thing for me."
"I thought you said you went to Barbizon - Class of 74."
"Oh yeah...that's right....Barbizon Class of 74. Just make
sure you don't go to where your Grandma Thelma went."
"Where'd she go?"
"Radford....famous for Bette Midler and Thelma Puulei."
"Grandpa, that's not nice...what about all the other people
that went there? Do they have the same problems as Grammy?"
"The SAME problems???? Ha Ha Ha Ha! You crack me up!"



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

"MAN...This Place is RED"

"Grandpa,
what do you
know about
coyotes?"
"Well, I'm
not really
sure, but I
think that
generally
speaking,
coyotes are
clever and
funny and
sometimes
change their
appearance
so that they
can trick
others."
"Yeah, I
read that
too..."
"Kind of
like your
Grandma...
sometimes
she shops
at Ross's
and then
sometimes
she shops
at Goodwill
and then
she might
change her
mind and
shop at
Burlington.
So after she
shops she'll
keep it in
the back of
the van for
about a week and eventually she'll return it. So in
some ways, your Grandma just like a coyote..."
"Grandpa, that so makes sense."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJW7EF5aVk

Monday, January 12, 2009

"Grandpa, Do You Know Anything About Parties?"

"Grandpa, what makes a good party?"
"Well my little Li Hing Mui, usually a party
is good if there's some Kool and the Gang.
Balloons is also a good sign that you got
the party going right. Just make sure that
the balloons have air in it. A bad party would
be a package of balloons. A giant pig with an
apple in his mouth and crispy crispy skin
can also help. Make sure the pig isn't alive.
Something cold to wash it down, you know...
like maybe something carbonated...yup yup...
On the other hand, a bad party is a bookbook
with a karaoke microphone in his hand....
and he's looking at a list of Ilocano songs....
Aiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
But the most important thing to have is a
little girl run around with a Chinese dress on
and a balloon in her hand and moving like
she gots ants in her pants...."

Saturday, January 10, 2009

"Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah"

"Grandpa, when I get big, what am I gonna do?
I mean, when I get older, what kind of things will
I be doing? Will I travel the world? Will I learn how
to play a musical instrument? Will I be a good cook?
Will I make my mommy and daddy happy? Will I
be really really smart and really really pretty?"
"Ummmm....prolly all of that....plus you'll be on the
phone a lot."

"TA - DAAAAAAAH !"

"Grandpa, you wanna see my new trick?"
"Yes, my little butta-mochi, show me your new trick."
"Okay, my new trick is, whenever I do something
that's cool...I point to it and say 'TA - DAAAAA!'"
"Oh that's nice. That's what your Grandpa does
whenever he fixes something in the house or yard.
He's like, 'Hey Thelma, look what I did...TA - DAA!'"

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

"Tinkle Tinkle Nittle Tar"

"Grandpa,
were the
Beatles good
singers?"
"Well my
lil Tweety
bird, Paul
and John
were good
and George
was okay
but Ringo
was not as
good as you.
I can think of just a few Ringo songs... Yellow Submarine,
Honey Don't, Little Help from my Friends, maybe one
or two more... although he might have enunciated a little better
than you do, which isn't really saying much."
"Hey! This video is from October. I sing much better now."


"Betcha By Golly Otot"

"Grandpa,
you're kind
of old aren't
you?"
"We've had
this talk once
haven't we?
Yes I am, my
little Baby
Bop... I'm so
stinkin' old
that I used
to have LPs.

Thems were
albums, we
didn't have
CDs.....and
one of my
favorites was
a group called
the Stylistics
and one of
their songs
was called,
'Betcha by
golly wow'...
cuz one day
the writer
was thinkin',
'Betcha by golly........Betcha by golly........there's something missing.
Hmmmmmmm....Betcha by golly whack?.....Betcha by golly bleh?
Betcha by golly otot?..........Betcha by golly kalamungay?........"
"So Grandpa, how did they come up with 'Betcha by golly wow'?"
"Well, one day the writer was watching TV and saw a Shamwow
infomercial and .... I don't know.... I guess it just came to them."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJEKqI1e714
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi-_uj7FDDg