Heckling the Dolphins

Hey Flipper!
Try come!
Hey Fish!
Try come
over here.
I going
slap your
head. Hey
you get
seaweed in
your teeth.
What? You
think you
smart cuz
you live in
schools?
Oh yah,
I forget,
you stay
SeaWorld.
Hey Nemo,
you know
the song,
"Salmon
Janet
Evening"?
Hey Mammal!
How come you no flip? Why? Cuz you fat? HaH? What? Hey Salmon-Jaya!
Try come...my grandpa like poke...dass right....raw fish....
WooHooo! ....we going eat Lomilomi Dolphin tonight.

No Boddah Her....Light Sleeper An Den

"Hi Namaile
I'm your
uncle Tyler,
Bla bla bla
bla bla bla
bla bla bla."
"Yes, little
girl, this is
your grand
ma Toi....
Bla bla bla
bla bla bla
bla bla bla"
"HEY!
KULI KULI! What? Knuckleheads!
You guys cannot see I'm trying fo' sleep?"

Baby Namaile Checking Out the Scenery

July 10, 2006
"Whoa, look
at all these
crazy people.
I remember
their voices
when I was
in my mom's
tummy and
now I can
finally see
their faces.
Oh that one
over there,
that's my
uncle Dame.
Yeah, he
don't look
like he
sounds. He
sounds
smarter than
he looks. And
there's my
Aunty
Mahina. I
recognize
her voice.
I can't wait
to go see
where she
works. Oh
that's right,
she don't
work. She
just hangs
around and
occasionally
massages
grandpa to
get some
cash. What
a life. And
there's my
Grandma
Toi...I like
her voice
cuz she
always sings
to me. She
can sing
Hawaiian
songs with
the real
words, not
like Grandpa.
He's a bookbook who can barely fake hawaiian lyrics.
Oh, there's my grandpa over there. Wow, he's very
handsome. And he's very intelligent looking too. I
can't wait to party with him. As long as it's not at a
Hawaiian Karaoke Bar.

Haole Grandparents Pat and Lee

July 10, '06
"Hi little
grandkid.
We're your
Haole grand-
parents, the
normal ones.
You have to
watch out
for your
Grandma
Toi. And
your mom's
side family
too. All of them except your Grandpa Roy.
He's the best of those crazy bookbooks from
Hawaii. Don't worry, eventually you'll be old
enough to explain to them, "No thank you. I
don't want to eat dog."

Uncle Damian's First Talk

July 10, '06
"Hi little
girl, I'm
your uncle
Damian.
I can't wait
to babysit
you when
you're older.
We'll do fun
stuff like
play golf,
not 18 holes
of course.
You're only
small so
maybe 9
holes, okay?
You can
hold my
clubs okay?
Don't worry,
I'll pay you.
That's what
I always do.
I pay people
to do stuff
cuz I'm so
busy doing other stuff.
I'll teach you to hide when grandpa comes around.
That way he'll do everything and we can play.
I'll get you a phone thing to put in your ear so we
can warn each other when grandpa comes okay?
Yah, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

Grandma's First Talk

(July 10, 2006)
Hi, pretty girl.
I'm your
Grandma Toi.
You remind me
of your mom
28 years ago.
I can't wait to
babysit you
and play with
you. There's so
much we're
gonna do
together. Where
do I start?
Well, you can
do the stuff that
I do. We can eat
chocolates all
day. We can go
shopping and buy
useless stuffs to
put around the
house, like candles
and crap like that.
Then we can go
watch crap on the
TV like "Lost" and
movies like "The
Notebook". If we
watch crap like that
then Grandpa can't
watch the really
good stuff that he
enjoys. Did I already
say we can eat
chocolates all day?
I did? Oh we're gonna have so much fun.

I Guess Grandpa Owes Money

Out here in
Rustin Way
my little
Sweet
Bread is
checking
out the
water. She
says she
sees the
Loch Ness
Monster but
of course
nobody'll
believe a

little kid.
Me too.

Who would?
"Grandpa,
I promise,
for real, get
one Loch
Ness in
the water..
listen....."
"Hey little
girl, go tell
your grandpa
'where's my 50 bucks?'"

Crazy Kine Park People

Get all kine
crazy people
here in the
park. Over
there, one
kid is like
yelling at
the mom cuz
he's a punk.
And over
there, this
dog is like
jumping on
top of this
other dog, over and over. And over there, this old guy is walking
around singing old songs from the seventies while holding a paper
bag with a bottle in it.....hey wait a minute....isn't that
Grandpa Ritchie?

More Crazy People

Yah! I like
go to the
park cuz
get plenty
crazy kine
people over
here. See
over there
the kid is
making pee
in the sand
box. And
over there
the boy was
hanging upside down and he fell on the
kid that was peeing. And over there, I see a
lady that's punching an old man in the stomach
cuz he won't get off the swing. Hey, wait a minute...
that's grandma and grandpa.

Swings Is Fun

Wheeeee!
This is more
like it...
YeeeHaww!
I'm flying!
Push me
somemore.
I want to
go higher.
Yaah Hoo!
Hey you
guys! Look
at me!! I'm
really going
fast now...

(2 minutes later)
OK...nuff
already...
Somebody
get me out
of here....
Hey you
stinkin'
knuckleheads.
Get me out
NOW!!!
What? You
like me crack your head?

I Don't Think So

Here's my
little Fig
Newton on
Rustin Way
in Tacoma.
A lot of
tourists and
locals come
here to go
walking. I
wonder why
my little
fungi likes
it here...
"Hey you
guys! Look
at the Loch
Ness out
there!"
Crazy girl...
there's no
such thing.

"Hey Namaile
Go tell your
grandpa I
going slap his head."

I Don't Think That's The Right Words

Don't cha
wish your
girlfriend
was bolo
head like
me...Don't
cha wish
your girl
friend was
fat like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

Don't cha
wish your
girlfriend
pee's her
pamps like
me? Don't
cha wish
your girl
friend can
crap her
pamps
like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

Don't cha
wish your
girlfriend
can hardly
talk like me?
Don't cha
wish your
girlfriend
can't even
walk like
me? Don't
cha?
Don't cha?

Grandpa's 3 Favorite Jokes

OK, so a
son asked
his dad for
60 bucks,
and the
dad goes,
"40 bucks?
what do
you need
20 bucks
for?"

(not that
funny)

So this
horse walks
into a bar
and the
bartender
says, "Hey
why the
long face?"
A couple
minutes later
Celine Dion
walks in.
(junk)

So this
drunk guy
tells the
lady, "Hey
your baby
is ugly."
So the mom
is like, "Oh
yeah? Well
how you like
that? One
ugly monkee
eating a
banana?"

Hair Issues

Poor ting...
She only
get little
bit hair
so there's
not much
you can
do with
it. Here
she got a
little clip
holding 5
or 6 hairs
off to the
side. What
she needs
is somebody
to show her
what to do
with her
hair.....





Uh.....
nevermind......

What Is This Girl Looking At?

"Hey little
girl, what
are you
lookin' at?"
"It's big
and shiny
and it's
really hot."
"Oh that's
the sun."
"And I
see some
fluffy
white stuff
floating up there in the sky."
"Oh, that's the clouds."
"And I see something with all the colors in the world...
blue, red, yellow, orange, purple, green and brown."
"Oh, that's a bookbook going to the store."

Dass Right, No Act!

"Hi Aunty
Tiff."
"Hi Namaile"
"How do
like NY?"
"It's okay,
but I miss
Hawaii."
"How come
Aunty? You
miss Halawa
Park?"
"Nah, get
Central Park,
more big."
"What then? You miss riding the Bus?"
"Nah, get the Subway over there, more big"
"How about the food? You miss malasadas?"
"Nah, over there get NY Pizza, taste more better"
"K den, why you miss Hawaii?"
"Cuz, get sassy kine babies like you dass why"
"No act, I live in Washington li'dat."

Close Up With Uncle Troy

"Hi Uncle
Troy."
"Hi little
girl."
"Uncle, did
you eat any
kine food
with some
garlic in
it today?"
"Nope."
"Uncle, did
you drink
anything
with vinegar in it today?"
"Nope."
"Uncle, do you have any gum? How about tic-tacs?"

Namaile's Duckie Likes to Mock Her

Hey, duckie
I'm gonna
clean you
good.
Hey muckie
I'm gonna
bean you
pood.
Here, let
me clean
behind
your ears.
Beer, let
me spleen
you inside
my cheers.
Uh-Oh...
I think
you need a
shampoo.
Uh-Oh...
I stink you
stink a
bamboo.
Ok, now we
better get
a towel to
dry off.
Ok, now we
sweater it
a bowel 2
cry "Splof!"
Hey, you knucklehead duckie. You think I don't know you're mocking me?
Hey, you knucklehead muckie, you stink I stink you're smoddah bee?

That's Not a Crouton

Hey Mr.
Cockaroach,
what you
doing in
my salad?
"Oh, I like
sing you
one song
an den."
K den,
go ahead
and sing.
"Twinkle
Twinkle
Namaile.
I no like
you step
on me.
Up above
the world
so high,
Like one
slippah
in the sky.
Twinkle
twinkle
Namaile.
How I
wish you no
eradicate me."
So.....I guess you must be one of those smart kine cock-a-roaches?

Acting Like Jessica

"Daddy,
what is
that?"
"Little
girl, that's
a shark"
"Is it a
fish or
is it a
chicken?"
"Oh, it's
a fish."
"How come
then Jessica
Simpson calls it 'Chicken of the Sea'?"
"Oh little girl, cuz she's a knucklehead."
"Why dad? Did she go to Radford High School too?"

Little Tat

Uncle Jacob
is carrying
my little
mochi ball.
Hey, what
is that on
uncle's
shoulder?
Looks like
a tat of a
wave.
My little
Namaile's
got a little
something
on her arm
too.
I wonder
what that
is?
Hey, wait
a minute.
Is that
what I
think it is?
Oh, I just love this little girl!

Da Guilao Halau

Here's my
little bran
muffin's
uncles and
aunt.
Uncles
Damian,
Troy and
Andrew,
her mom
Moani and
her aunty
Mahina.
All of dem
Bookbook
Kanack and Pakay. So that means
they should all eat dogs, fish, and cats.

NOOOOOOO000000000ooooooo!!

NOOOOOO
00000000
00000000
00000000
00000000
oooooooooo
oooooooooo
oooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Namaile Acting All "Effie"

"What about
what I need?
(Grandpa says
its the best)
What about
what's best
for me?
(He feels the
Dreams can
cross over)
What about
how I feel?
(When we
famous, he'll
get you a
happy meal)
What about
me? What
about me?
And I'm
telling you,
you're the
best grandpa
I'll ever know.
I'm not livin'
less you take
me to Mickey
Dee....
No, no, no,
no way, you
gonna stop me
from goin to
Mac Dee...
You're gonna
take me.....
You're gonna
take me.....
Ooooooooh
take me...
Get me one
Happy meal....
You're gonna
take meeeeeeeeeeeeee................."

Fake Kine Instruments....Real Kine Music

That's funny
when some
old Bookbook
Aunty is like,
"Oh Namaile,
you like play
music, yah?
Here, this
is one trumpet....
Tot-tot-ta
Rot-ta-rot."
Wow...
That sounds
just like one.
For real.
Too bad it's
not even a toy
trumpet...
it's some other
kine toy for
make noise.
And then even
worse...
"Here Namaile,
go play your
Sox-a-pone...
(bell pepper)
Too-da-root
too-da-root
toot-toot-toot
da-rot-rot."
Oh, I get it.
The trumpet
goes "Tot-ta-rot"
and the Sox-a-pone
goes "Toot-da-root".

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Some people
is doing
stuffs to my
granddaughter.
They glued
her hair to
this psycho
colored
balloon and
now the
balloon won't
come off.
Now she's
gonna have
nightmares
about crazy
glue and
balloons.
There's a
scientific
word for
this:
Psycho-
balloona-
phobia.
Try look
at her face.
She's like, "Hey! How come you guys went glue
my hair? What? You never had toys when you was small?"

My Little Robot

Recently,
by accident,
we found out
that Namaile
is a robot.
Not a 'full
on' robot,
but a fake
kine robot
that can be
controlled
with a TV
remote. I
would never
use a remote
on her, but
her grandma
does all the
time. Here,
her grandma's
pushing the
buttons that
make Namaile
do stuff on
the stairs.
Stuff like,
walk crooked,
fall down,
climb sideways,
get twisted,
and look for
coins.
Here Namaile
is like, "Hey
Grandma,
what about
this curly kine
hair I found?
What? Nobody ever vacuum or what?"

Music Make U Lose Control

This is how
local girls
do when
you ask 'em
to pose.
Aunty
Mahina
happened
to have a
camera
after a
meeting in
Hawaii last
year. The
program was
very good
and all of the
attendees
were very
encouraged.
Well Aunty
Mahina had
the camera
and asked
Candice,
Seila, Kharis
and Dez to
pose...and
all of a sudden
Missy Elliot's "Lose Control" came on somebody's
boombox and this is what happened.