I Wanna Be A Little Mermaid Too

Aunty Mahina
is taking my
little jellybean
away from the
living room.
Uncle Troy is
playing the
piano, that's
why. And he's
singing too.
His singing isn't
bad. But he just
needs to be
alone when he's
singing this song.
Let's listen in...

"Look at this stuff,
isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think
my collection's
complete?
Wouldn't you think
I'm the girl...the girl
who has everything?
I've got gadgets and
gizmos a plenty
I've got whozits
and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want mooooooooooore.
I wanna be
where the people are
I wanna see,
wanna see 'em dancin'
Walking around on those
what do you call 'em?
Oh.................feet!
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love,
love to explore that
shore up aboooooooove?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world."

"Oh, that's so
beautiful. I don't
know if I'm gonna
cry or if I'm gonna
throw up."

Swap Meet Skillz

"OK, my little
Caramel
Frapaccino,
Grandpa's gonna
teach you some
stuff. I'm gonna
teach you how
to shop at the
Swap Meet. K,
first I want you
to look to your
right at the different
junk that people are
selling. You see some
knucklehead selling
some junk that's
worth about 10 cents
and they're asking
2 bucks for it.
Just keep walking."
"OK, grandpa, get 'em."

"Now I like you look to
the left and be amazed
at the Old Ilocano Aunty
who sees something that's
worth about 30 bucks.
She of course offers the
seller 50 cents for it.
The seller isn't even
mad cuz this is the 20th
bookbook who made
that same offer.
Keep walking"
"OK, grandpa, get 'em."

"OK, my little
chicken mcnugget.
Now I like you pretend
you just found a good deal.
Hold it up in the air and
tell whoever came with you,
"Hooooo. Try look at this
piece of crap that's worth
50 cents. I just paid only
5 cents for 'em. Now I
can bring 'em home and
put 'em on the shelf for
about 6 months and den
throw 'em away later on.
Oh, da trills!"
"OK, grandpa. I get 'em.
By the way, how do you
know all these things?"
"Little girl, all you gotta do
is watch your Grandma.
She'll teach you all kine stuff like that."

Namaile Learns How to Cross the Road

"OK, my
little pork
chop, Grandpa
going teach
you how to
cross the
street, K?"
"OK, Grandpa."
"K den, first
thing I like you
do is push the
button so the
'Walk' light
comes on."
"K Gramps,
get 'em."


"OK, now I
like you act
like you're checking
out your watch
as if you give a
rip what the time
is. Actually
you don't really
care cuz you're
a bookbook and
you going be
late everywhere...
cuz that's the law."
"OK, gramps, get 'em."






"K den, now I like
you look to the
left and to the
right. You're not
actually looking
for cars. You're
really looking for
all the crazy
Aunty's walking
around with the
wrong kine clothes
so you can yell at
'em, "Hey, Aunty,
what? You no more
mirror in the house?"
"OK Gramps, get 'em."


"K den, now I like
you make da kine
face like, 'Yah,
that's right. I'm
10 months old
and I'm crossing
the street. Why,
Knucklehead?
Boddah you?'
This face is similar
to the face that
says, "I'm sorry
my IQ is double
what yours is.
Maybe you can
pay attention in
school next time...
like Traffic School
and den."
"Ok Gramps, get 'em."


"Ok little girl, almost pau.
Before you cross the street
I like you laugh really
loud and make the big
mouth go open until the
lawai falls out."
"And why is that Grandpa?
Is it because I just heard
you flatulate?"
"Nope"
"Is it cuz I'm thinking
about the chicken that
crossed the road?"
"Nope"
"Is it cuz I'm only 10 months
old and you're already teaching
me how to cross the road but
actually you should be teaching me more important things in life like 'What kine goals in life I should have', stuff like that?"

"Bookbook, please. You're laughing with the big mouth open
cuz Dog, Leland, and Beth just drove by with one of your
uncles in the back seat."

Girl Talk

"Hi Namaile"
"Hi Isabella"
"So what's
up girlfriend?"
"You know,
same old
same old,
and what's
crackalackin
wit chooo
home depot?"
"You know
how we do."
"Well I was
like standing
for a split
second
yesterday."
"Yah, and I
like took a
dump in the
toilet stead
of my pamps
yesterday
yo."
"Uh Huh"
"So why you
crying den?"
"Cuz, I think I just went make one soot"
"Yah, well I soot too. It's all good."
"Yah, but I just went soot 1 hour ago."
"Yah, well, now you're living in my world."

TV's Gonna Mess Her Up

"Hey little
girl! What
you gonna
do today?"
"Well, I was
thinking I
might go
get some
breakfast
with no hog
and get my
grub on.
Then maybe
roll with my
crew down
to Jimmy's
Tattoos and
have "Thug
Life" put on
my tummy.
Then hit the
courts and
maybe go for
a triple/double
if I'm not
half-steppin'.
Dass right,
I'm trouble
when I'm on
my B-Ball.
Then maybe
have a 40
and take a
little nap
unless my
pager's blowing
up then what's
a G to do?
You know how we do."

7...7-11...7-11...Shake 'Em Up, Shake 'Em

"Hey Namaile,
what'd you do
today?"
"Well, I did
plenny stuff.
First, I went
wake up.
Then I made
a lot of noise.
I made the
kine noise,
"WAAAAAA".
Then, I went
she-she in my
pamps. Then,
somebody went
change my
she-she pamps.
Then Grandpa
gave me some
food. He gave
me pizza, and
chicharon, and
all kine other
healthy stuff.
Then we turn
on the TV and
watched
"Backyardigans"
again, for the
millionth time.
Then he put
some clothes
on me and we
went in the
jogging stroller
and went around
the neighborhood.
He was slamming
all the people's
yards, "Oh, da ugly"
"Oh, da messy"
"Ooh, that one's
nice", stuff like
that. And then
we went home
and he put on
some old people
music and we
wuz dancing.
And then he
put his mouth
on my fat
stomach and
started blowing
it so that it
made flatulating sounds. Oh da thrills. Like Ice Cube
says, 'It was a Good Day'."

"Hey, Who Left These Scabs On the Floor?"

This girl
is so mental.
Everytime
she sees
something,
she wants
to put it
in her
mouth.
Even here
she's going
up the
stairs and
she's like
checking
out the
stairposts.
"Mmmm,
I like put
that in my
mouth."
That's why
we always
gotta watch
her and den.
Bum-bye
she might
choke on
stuff Grandpa left on the floor.
"Hey, who left these ankle scabs on the floor?"

YEEEEEHAAAAAH!

Uncle Troy
is holding
my little
SweetiePie
and she's
trippin' cuz
everybody's
making noise
like, "YeeHaw
Namaile!
Whoooooo!
WhoooHooo!
OOoooh that's
fun, you're
flying.....
Wheeeeee!"
Actually, he's
just holding
her up in the
air.

And My Gingivitis Went Away Too!

Another reason
why I love this
little girl....
Whenever I'm
around her, I
have to keep
my eyes on her
constantly cuz
she's just a
little kid and
she might fall.
So I'm always
moving around
making sure
she don't fall
or touch anything
that could fall
on her head.
So this constant moving burns calories and keeps
me in shape and strenthens my fast twitch muscles.
Also, taking this picture of her on the stairs burned 225 calories,
released 5 polyps into my Depends, and pulverized 2 kidney
stones. So that's why I love this girl so much.

"Ha Ha! You Got 32 Teeth And I Got 3 1/2!"

"Ha Ha!
My head
is not
proportionate
to my body!"
"Ha Ha!
Somebody
gotta hold
me up or
else I'll
fall down."
"Ha Ha!
Tonight,
Randy
Jackson is
gonna say
something
totally useless."
"Ha Ha!
You just wasted 5 minutes of your life reading
this ridiculous blog, and you'll never get those
5 minutes back!"

"Right There....MMMMmmmmm"

Yah, that's
right...she's
a genius.
Here's
more
proof.
She's just
9 months
old and
she's
reading.
She don't
read no
stinkin'
Dr. Seuss
either....
she reads
stuff that
big people
read....
People,
Enquirer,
Entertain-
ment
Weekly....
important
stuff like
that...
and why
does she
read so
much....
it's cuz
whenever
she reads
she gets
a free
back
massage.
"AAaaaaah,
a little bit
lower.....
Mmmmmm right there."

Mi Gente Comen Perros

What if
adults were
like little kids?
What if when
adults get new
stuff, they put
it straight into
the mouth?
Not to see
if it tastes
good.....no...
what if we put
it in our mouth
just cuz it's
something new?
That would be
mental, yah?
"Hey, look at
my new truck.
Yah, it's a Toyota
Tacoma Extended
Cab with GPS and
a nice stereo....
Aaargh, Bite, Lick,
AAaaaargh, bite.."
or
"Yah, look at my
new dog...
it's half Bassett
Hound and half
Chihuawa. Yah,
cute huh? Watch
he can do tricks.
Here he can
rollover...here he
can play dead....
here he can
pretend he's on
a big plate of lettuce with an apple in his mouth....
Aaaaargh, bite, lick, Aaaaaaargh, bite, lick."

I Got Your Motivation Right Here Ya Knucklehead!

I know that
my little
Cheeze
Curl will
never be an
actress, but
she still likes
to use "tools"
that actors
use at times.
Like when I
tell her, "Act
all Happy!"
She's like,
"What's my
motivation?"
So I tell her,
"Pretend that
you're in
a Toy Store"
then she makes
the Happy Face.
Then when I
tell her, "Act
like you're
somewhat
amused but
barely interested"
she says, "What's
my motivation?"
Then I say, "Act
like you just met
Sanjaya or you
just turned on the
TV and it's an old
show from the 80's
like 'The Cosby Show'."
Then she makes
the appropriate face.
Then I say, "Act like
you're mentally
retarded and a little
bit old."
She's like, "What's
my motivation
Grandpa? Oh, I know....
Why don't I ......
Why don't I pretend
I'm you?"
Yup......
Sometimes that
little girl can be
Ice Cold Money.

For A Limited Time Only!

Gigantic
CloseOut
Sale!!!!!!!!
We're
Blowing
it Out!!!
Namaile
Items for
a Limited
Time Only!
Fitted Hats
Handmade
in San Diego
AMERICA!
(Not made
by underage
Chinese
labor).
Looks good
at Parties!
Sports
Functions!
Weddings!
Namaile
Bracelets!!!
Same one
used by
artists such
as Paula
Abdul and
John Oates
of Hall and
Oates.
Both for $15.95!!!!!
Operators are standing by.

This Is How the Animals Do It

Sometimes
my little
pumpkin
pie gets
sick of
Gerber's
Baby Crap
and wants
to eat
what her
grandpa
eats. So
what's I'm
'sposed to
do? I watch
Nature
shows on
cable and
this is how
the animals
do it.
Step 1..
Get some
grub. Birds
like to use
worms.
Step 2...
Chew it up
good.
Step 3...
Stick it
into the
little
birdie's
mouth.
"What do
you think
Namaile?
Taste good?"
"Mmmmm,
taste like
chicken.
With a dash of beer and Nachos n Salsa."

Namaile! Eat Your Vegetables!

If a little
bit of
salad is
good...
then a lot
of salad
is better.
Too bad
my little
princess
doesn't
agree.
"Namaile,
eat your
stinkin'
vegetables
so you can
grow up
to be a
healthy
little brat."
"Uh..Ok..
but is that
free ranging
vegetables?
Homey don't
play farmed
vegete-crap. And, grandpa....
ain't you got no bigger spoons?"

Namaile Acting Like Alec Baldwin Again

"Grandpa,
you rude,
thoughtless
little pig...
Follow me
when I
play these
notes...La-
la-la-la...
C-F-D-G.
Get it
straight,
you have
humiliated
me for the
last time
with your
mental way
of playing
the piano.
I'm gonna
go over
there and
straighten
you out so
you can see what a rude little lousy
piano playing pig you are. You Knucklehead Grandpa!
I can't believe I came from your genes."

Namaile's Cousin Gigi

"Hi little
cuz, my
name's
Namaile
and I'm a
genius. My
grandpa's
name is
Roy...you
heard of
him? Your
grandpa
Ritchie 'n
him used
to act
stupid.
Ok, so
here's a
cool yellow
thing. If
you push
it right
here it'll
make some
kind of
noises. Cool
yah? Where
did we get
it? Prolly
we got 'em
from Good-
will or from
garage sale.
You like
smell 'em?
Now let me
check your
hair for
ukus. You
get? Eww.
Good thing
you no
more ukus.
Or else they going shave off all your hair and den.
Try wait.....let me get some gasoline for pour on
your head. Nah.....just kidding.
What? Cannot take a joke or what?"

She's At a Bookbook Assembly

Uh-oh. My
Namaile's
at a Tagalog
Assembly.
She's
surrounded
by Books.
What do we
have here?
We got some
wearing cool
hats. She's
checking
them out.
Somebody's giving
Aunty Mahina rabbit ears. Of course pretending
it's peace signs, cuz Books love peace signs. And
of course, somebody in the back is jumping into
the pic. This is Namaile's people... Eaters of dogs.

Uncle Crel's Skillz

Uncle Crel
is cool. He
got skills.
One of his
skills is his
ability to
make his
hair look
like Anime.
Another
skill is
he can balance
2 forks on
a toothpick
on another
toothpick.
Not many
people can
do this and
very few
people will
even try.
What about
my little
pumpkin
pie? What
skills does
she have
right now.
Actually,
one of her
skills is
the ability to crack people up.
Sometimes she does it on purpose.
Like when she hears music, she jumps up and down like
a crazy person. Not really a "skill" but it does crack me up.
She gots skillz.

Anybody Got a Tic-Tac for my Okole?

"Here I am
with my
Great
Grandma,
Great
GrandAunt,
Mommy
and Aunty
Mahina
and Uncle
Troy. Yah,
taking pics
is fun xept
my junk is
full of
SheeShee.
That's
right, just
smush it
all over.
Push it
back to
where it
came from
I guess.
Uh-oh,
switching
positions.
Thanks
Uncle Troy.
Here you
go...you felt
that? A
little otot
for all your
troubles.
Go...try
smell your
hands now
Uncle.
What?
Smell like teriyaki Yah?

Wet Pamps? She's Rollin' In It

Check out
this crazy
little girl.
When she
wakes up
from her
nap or
whatever,
she's all
smiles as
if she had
a good
dream or
something.
It don't
matter that
she's all
hungry or
that her
pants are
all wet.
"Hey, way
my milk
at Yo?"
"Hey, I
pee'd in
my pamps
Yo."