Hurricane Hair

Naialii's hair looks like a hurricane blew over her head.
Just HER head.
Nobody else's.
That's cool.

Sleeping Keala Kai

When they sleep is the best time to kiss them cuz they can't push your face away when they're knocked out. Ha Ha. Here's Keala from December when she was in Hawaii.

3 Girls

 

"Grandpa, why did you pick these two pictures?"

"Well the top one is funny cuz it shows your personalities.

Naialii is like 'Get me outta here', and you're like 'How does

my hair look?' and Keala is like 'Way mah food at?'. And

the bottom picture is the same."

"Grandpa, you are so smart. How do you do it?"

"Oh, it's just natural I guess."

Ladybug Picnic

 (Moani and Damian in 1984)

"Grandpa, why do you like Sesame Street?"
"I think cuz Sesame Street reminds of a time when I
would come home from work and just lay in front of
the TV with your mom and Uncles Damian and Andrew.
But later on with your Uncle Troy and Aunty Mahina,
for some reason we kind of stopped watching Sesame
Street and watched other stuff... Animaniacs or other
cartoons. So Sesame Street had funny stuff like Ladybug
Picnic, and They Call Me Fred, but I think more than
anything, it reminds of when your mom dem was small."
"Yeah Grandpa, whatever."

(Namaile singing while Naialii rides her thing.)

Girl With a Kazoo

"Grandpa, I'm not really good at playing guitar or piano yet."
"That's okay, Naialii, you're a little too young for that. I mean
I've seen you play the piano and you're kind of just banging the
keys... Actually that's okay, but I know what you mean. You hate
being junk at something, especially when you hear your mom and
uncles and aunty play. But you know, music isn't all about being
really proficient at it. You just gotta play anykine, and whatever
comes out is all good. But I tell you what, just stick to the kazoo
for now and when you get older you can play whatever you want."
"Grandpa, kind of like how Grandma plays you?"
"Yeah, just like that."

Top 9 Things She'd Say If Keala Could Talk

1. "Hey, are you a gorilla or are you just gorilla-like?"
2. "What part of 'Waa Waa' don't you understand?"
3. "When I look at you, I'm thinking, 'It sucks to be him'."
4. "When I'm near your nostrils, I can hear the ocean."
5. "When I look up your nostrils, I can see your utak."
6. "La la la la la La la la LOOO HOOO SER!"
7. "Don't worry, some of my best friends are retarded."
8. "Your eyes are open, but your brain looks like it left."
9. "Knock knock. Who's there? Old gray haired baboon."

Top Ten List for Babies

"Grandpa, are there rules for babies?"
"Yeah, there's planny rules. Here's my top ten list:
Rule 1: Don't touch baby's mouth.
Rule 2: Don't touch the soft spot on top of their heads.
Rule 3: If they crap, don't wipe their butts...wash their butts.
Rule 4: They're only ugly and deformed right when they're born.
Rule 5: They're cute by the second day....usually.
Rule 6: If they start crying, give em to their mommy.
Rule 7: Don't sing "Close open, Close open" to them.
Rule 8: Have music on constantly so they will love the sounds.
Rule 9: Kiss them and say "I love you, you're fat" cuz it's fun.
Rule 10: Put powder on their butts."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."
"Yes, I've heard that before. Thank you for noticing."

Keala

"Grandpa, who's that?"
"This is your cousin. Her name is Keala."
"Grandpa, she's small."
"Yeah, well she's just born. But she's getting fatter every second."
"Grandpa, is she a bookbook?"
"Actually, she's more bookbook than you cuz her dad is bookbook.
That means she'll be hearing a lot more BeeGees and ballads than
you do. She'll probably also have a karaoke machine in her house.
She'll have an easier time in the sun than you and probably have
more opportunity to eat goat meat than you would."
"Grandpa, that's too bad she lives in Oceanside. We won't see her
so much."
"Yeah, don't worry though, cuz I live here and I'll see her all the time."
"Wow Grandpa, you got three granddaughters."
"Yeah, well I got 3 in 5 years. At that rate, I'll have 9 by 2021."
"YAY!! I'll have 6 more sisters!"

Lily? Excellent.

"Grandpa, what's your Starbucks drink?"
"I guess it's Decaf Americano with extra extra caramel sauce,
what's yours?"
"Mine's Iced chocolate with drizzle on my extra whip."
"Excellent."
"Grandpa, what's your Starbuck's name?"
"It depends, sometimes it's Carlos, sometimes it's Guadalupe, and
sometimes it's Consuelo. What's yours?"
"Mine's Lily."
"Excellent."

The Best Rule EVER

"Grandpa, what's better ... being awake? falling asleep? or sleeping?"
"Well it depends... when I'm driving, I think it's better to be awake.
But if I'm tired, or if I just ate like a pig, or if I just ran a marathon...
then it's better to sleep. But one cool thing about falling asleep is
that it's usually dark, lights out, and you can hear your heart beat.
You can play with your eyes a little bit by closing them but not all
the way, just leave a little crack so that the moonlight or a little night
light can give you a little light show, like little lasers or lava lamp
floating lights that move diagonally and fades out. It's really cool."

"Grandpa, how long do you hold us after we fall asleep?"
"I can hold you a long time, but your sister's a little heavy... I gotta
put her down right away. She feels like a 50 pound rice bag."

"Grandpa, did your Grandpa hold you till you fell asleep?"
"No I don't think so... cuz my Dad's dad died a long time before
I was born and my mom's dad was in the Philippines when I was
small. But if they were around, I think they would have held me.
That's cuz Grandpas love their babies. That's the rule."
"Grandpa, that's the best rule ever."
"Yup, the best."

I Guess She Wasn't "Fetch" Enough

 

"Grandpa, these mean girls wouldn't let me play with them."

"What happened?"

"I saw these girls playing, and I asked them if I could play with them.

They said that I couldn't cuz I was too young."

"What did you do?"

"I cried and another girl saw me and said she'd play with me."

"Yeah, well I hope this teaches you to always be nice to other

kids and don't just stick around the same kids all the time. It's

good to widen out and have all kinds of friends. Play with older

kids and younger kids and even goofy kids?"

"Grandpa, all kinds of friends? Even goofy kinds?"

"Yes, even your Grandma."

"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

"Yes, that's true."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ENNA0cBHm8

Time To Be Quiet

"Grandpa, is there ever a time to just be quiet?"
"Yeah, a good time is like when you tell your singing joke."
"What singing joke?"
"Okay, if somebody starts singing a song and they sound pretty
bad, ask them, 'Hey, who sings that song?' and when they tell
you What's-His-Name sings it, then you say, 'Why don't you
just let What's-His-Name sing it?'."
"Okay Grandpa, but what about a time to just be quiet?"
"Well, that's if Michael Buble sings it. Then just be quiet."

DooDoo Girl

"Grandpa, why do people take videos of their kids on toilets?"
"Um, cuz it's funny?"
"No, it's not really that funny."
"Um, cuz it's cute?"
"We are talking about doodoo, right?"
"Um, cuz some time in the future, that kid will want to see
himself or herself making doodoo as a little kid."
"Nope, that can't be it either."
"Okay, I give up... why do they take these videos?"
"Doodoo yo....doodoo."

A Better Buzz

"Grandpa, why do people drink coffee?"
"People drink coffee cuz it makes them happy."
"Grandpa, how does it make them happy?"
"Well, the coffee has a happy pill in it."
"Grandpa, how does the happy pill work?"
"Well my little rice cake, the happy pill lets out a burst
of happiness that fills up your tummy with rainbows,
flowers and butterflies. Then they all shake around your
tummy until you start to smile and laugh and roll on the ground."
"Grandpa, is that what caffeine actually does? Does it fill up my
tummy with rainbows, flowers and butterflies?"
"I don't know... why don't you just google it later tonight."

Guilao Rollercoaster

"Grandpa, what's a rollercoaster?"
"Well my little haole girl, a rollercoaster is this thing that
they have at carnivals. They're fun things that you ride on
and they go up and down and sometimes the really cool
ones will twist and go upside down. It goes up kind of
slow but when it goes down it really goes fast, sometimes
it goes so fast that you scream cuz it's so scary. Some of
the really tough or brave and courageous people will stick
their hands up and away from the hold-down bar and not
scream out of fear, they're screaming cuz the going down
is exhilarating, almost euphoric. Other people just pee in
their pants. The thing is, if you stay down on the ground
cuz you're scared of riding one, you'll never experience
that high that you get from the ride."
"Grandpa, are you talking about rides or are you talking
about the Guilaos?"
"Yeah, good point."

Why Do They Grow Up?

"Grandpa, I think I'm gonna get married one day."
"WHAT?? I don't think so. Remember when you were two years
old and I asked you to never get married and that you would just
live with your Grandpa and Grammy forever? Remember? Huh?"
"Ummmmm, no. I don't remember that."
"Well I do.... so you can forget about getting married."
"Grandpa, I think I'm gonna get married and that's that.
You probably aren't gonna like the guy cuz nobody will really
measure up to what you'd like my husband to be. But I'm gonna
get married one day, and you'll have to deal with it. He's not the
one you wanted, but he's the one that I want. Sorry....anyway, just
remember Grandpa, that you will always be my Grandpa and
I'll always be your little girl. Okay? Can you do that?"
"Um ..... no."
"Grandpa?"
"No."
"Graaaaandpaaaaa????"
"Yes?"
"Ha! You said yes."
"No."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTWWN7iPrc

Naialii the Smart Thinker

"Grandpa, can you tell what I'm thinking by looking at my face?"
"Oh yeah, I know exactly what you're thinking. Just by looking
at your face, I can tell you're thinking about my Oakland Raiders
and what will it take for them to get back into the playoffs."
"Um, no....that wasn't it."
"Well, okay, cuz you really really really really do have that look.
Maybe then you're thinking about your Grammy and why she has
a propensity to buy stuff and then return it within a week, only to
go and purchase more stuff that she will undoubtedly return."
"Wrong again, Einstein."
"Okay, I think I got it. By looking at your face, you're thinking that
your Grandpa is the best Grandpa in the whole wide world and
that your Grandpa, although very old and stupid, is also very very
very very very handsome and smart."
"Yeah, you're right Grandpa, that's exactly what I was thinking."

YEEEE HAAAWWW

"Grandpa, what do you say when you're happy?"
"I don't know... sometimes I yell, "STINKIN'  MONKEY!"
"Grandpa, isn't that phrase offensive to stinkin' monkeys?"
"Oh I suppose so... well other times I yell, "Moon ZAPPA!"
"Grandpa, isn't there actually a person named Moon Zappa?"
"Yeah, well I guess you're right again. How about "KRAKA!"
"Grandpa, isn't that something you put cheese on?"
"Yeah ... right again. Well how about "AY CHIHUAHUA!"
"Once again Grandpa, something you put cheese on."
"In Hawaii, people like to say "CHEEE HOOO!"
"Yeah, well we ain't in Hawaii. We stay in da mainland, brah."
"Well, if we're in the mainland, I suppose we could say,
'YEEEEEE HAAAWW!"
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the whole world"

No FOTO!!!

"Grandpa, do you like it when people take pictures of you?"
"Nah, not really... mostly cuz I'm not good at posing. I don't
know if you've noticed, but some people are good at posing.
When somebody with a camera says, 'Smile'... they have a
pretty decent smile ready to go. But when people tell me to
smile, I have to think of something stupid ... like doo doo, or
something else retarded in order to put on a fake smile. Most
times, that trick doesn't work and then you got a picture of
me with a half smile, red eye, half lids, or mouth open with
food in it. So I pretty much try to avoid pictures."
"What can I say when a camera is in my face?"
"Do what I do, with a fake Italian accent yell, 'NO FOTO!'"
"No foto?"
"Yeah, that'll work... remember to use an Italian accent."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."

Sponge Thelma

"Grandpa, do you like SpongeBob?"
"Oh yeah, he's a sponge. That's cool."
"Grandpa, do you like his friend Patrick?"
"Oh yeah, he's a starfish. He's cool."
"Grandpa, do you like his other friend Thelma?"
"Thelma? Isn't that your Grandma?"
"Oh yeah, that's right....she's our Grandma."

The PLANK

"Grandpa, you should really try out this P-90X stuff."
"Yeah, sure okay.... so how does it work?"
"Okay, here's what you do...it's so simple...just put in the DVD
and then just start working out with some retarded guy, a chick,
one dude with a fake leg, and like some other dude that just drank
10 Red Bulls...check it out, I'm doing the PLANK. I gained 5
pounds each month since I've been on it."
"Ummm, aren't you supposed to LOSE weight when you work out?"
"Yeah, right....Grandpa, you crack me up."

Pajamas in the Snow

"Grandpa, how come I can be in the snow while wearing only pajamas?"
"Well dass cuz you a mainland girl. Most local girls cannot handle."
"But Grandpa, I wanna be a local girl."
"That's funny. Alex Trebek says the same thing everyday."

Snowflakes and Grandpas

"Grandpa, what up with this thing about no two snowflakes are alike?"
"Yeah, it's true... each snowflake is unique. Kind of like how loogies
and fingerprints are all unique. From far away, each snowflake looks
like any other snowflake...but if you look really really really close,
you can see that one snowflake might have fewer points or fewer
molecules or something. Sorry if my scientific jargon is too deep for
your little brain. Anyway, looking at snowflakes can be like looking
at another person's qualities. From far away, somebody might seem
pretty typical, but if you get to know him and look closely at what he
does and stuff, you'll be able to see each person is a little different
from another. Take your Grandpa for example. From a distance, I
seem like any other Ilocano Visayan Tata Lolo. But if you look
really really really close, you'll see that I'm humbler than most."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."
"Yes, once again little girl, you speak the truth."

Big Flowers ... Little Girls

"Grandpa, why don't you buy flowers for Grammy?"
"Well, actually I've bought SOME. Like maybe 5 in 35 years."
"Grandpa, that's pathetic. Don't you know that Grammy likes 'em?"
"Yeah, but I think flowers are a waste of money. Actually, I bought
your Grammy planny flowers in pots, orchids, and plants and stuff.
But buying a dozen roses, that's like a waste. I mean, once you pick
a flower off a plant, you've pretty much begun the killing process on
that flower. So, yeah, buying flowers is retarded."
"Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa in the world."
"Yeah, I know.... pass it on."

Getting a Foot Massage and Telling Stories is Fun

"Grandpa, tell me some funny stories."
"Okay, once upon a time there was a little girl and her
name was Namaile. And she liked to have her foot massaged.
And she liked to play kickball in the house cuz she thinks she
can really kick the ball far. And she likes to scream when she
is catching a ball or when she's charging to tackle you. And
her Grandma likes to say, "Bla bla bla bla"... of course, she's
not actually saying that, but it might as well be. The End."
"Grandpa, that's the best story ever.... tell me another one."

Listening to the Whisper

  

"Grandpa, I love my sister Naialii so much."

"Yeah, well why do you love her? Can she play games?"

"Um, no...she don't play games yet."

"Okay...um...does she know how to talk to you and stuff?"

"No, she just makes sounds but she don't really talk."

"Okay...um...does she know how to walk and do stuff?"

"No, she can't walk yet...she just kinda lays there."

"Well, she doesn't sound like much fun."

"Actually Grandpa, she's a lot of fun....she's always smiling

and she's always laughing and she's always following me 

around with her eyes...if I go somewhere, she contorts her

body to watch what I'm doing and is always laughing at 

stuff that I do. I'm pretty sure she knows that I'm her sister

and I think she can tell that I love her. And she can't really talk, 

but if you listen really close, you can hear her whisper...

she's saying 'Mmmmmmm  Mmmmmm' but I can tell that

she's really saying in her own way, 'Sister, I love you'."

"Yeah? Let me listen............Nah, she's just making noise"

I Love My Grandpa

Naialii Talking to "The Scar"

"Grandpa, where'd you get that scar?"
"A shark bit me when I was out with Jerry, Bertleman, and Buttons."
"Did it hurt when the shark bit you?"
"Why don't you ask the scar yourself? He's cool with it."
"Hi Scar. Did it hurt when the shark bit you?"
"Girl...are you talking to a scar? Do you know how retarded that is?"
"Yeah, but I just wanna know how it was when the shark bit you."
"Yeah your Grandpa don't talk to me. He's still mad about the bite.
Listen, it was cold, it was wet, and the ocean was angry that day. The
shark bit me, he did his thing, and now I'm here with my scar lipstick. The ocean belongs to the fish... and it's their world. Your world is just
pretending to be talking to your retarded Grandpa and pretending to
be talking to a scar wearing lipstick."
"Sorry Scar. Sorry bout the shark, and sorry bout the lipstick."
"It's all good. Just tell your Grandpa that Scar says 'Hi' ."

Grandpa's Rule

"Grandpa, do you wish I was a boy?"
"Nah cuz you're my daughter's kid. Your mom could
have all girls and it's all good. But your uncles should
have boys cuz "sons should have boys" is the rule."
"Grandpa, what kind of retarded rule is that?"
"I don't know, I guess it's just my rule. Anyway, your 
mom is good at making girls so she could just stick with
that and make some more girls one of these days."
"Grandpa, don't you think that if she's good at making
girls that she'd be just as good at making boys?"
"I guess we'll just find out one of these days."
"Ha ha ha ha, Grandpa, you're retarded." 

What's REALLY Retarded?

"Grandpa, my Aunty Mahina is carrying me cuz I can't walk or 

nothing ....so that's pretty retarded, yeah?"

"Well actually, that's not really so retarded... not as much as
imaginary conversations with a 4 month old baby."
"Yeah, that's super retarded. Grandpa, what else is retarded?"
"How about Al Davis?"
"Ha ha ha! Yeah, that guy is NUTS!"
"And what about Vietnamese restaurants that think I'm gonna
wrap my lumpia in a leaf of lettuce?"
"What? That's really REALLY retarded."
"And what about cameras at intersections?"
"Hoh BRAH!! That's ESPECIALLY retarded."
"And what about Grandma THELMA???"
"Grandma Thelma?? HA HA HA HA!! STOP IT! 
YOU'RE KILLING ME!!!"

Good Music - Bad Music

"Grandpa, I really like to hear Uncle Andrew play guitar.
Why does music sound so good?"
"Well, actually my little Azuki Bean, music is like beauty...
it's all in the ears of the listener or eyes of the beholder...
Yes it's true that music in general is good, even great...
like there's nothing purer than an acoustic guitar with no
amplifiers or effects and some sweet slack key or stuff like
that...but then again, there's some other stuff out there that
kind of is more irritating than it is ugly...
Death Metal
Any Hip Hop that's all about how great the guy can rhyme
At a bookbook party when it becomes "Karaoke Time"
Michael Buble
So, that's your Grandpa's theory on good and bad music."
"Thank you Grandpa, you're the smartest Grandpa ever."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVmTK46RZnI&NR=1

Don't Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head

"Grandpa, 

what's one

essential

rule about 

eating?"

"Well, my

little pork

dumpling,

generally, 

you try to

avoid 

eating

anything 

bigger than

your head."

"Grandpa,

what about 

an actual 

head? That

isn't bigger

than a head,

technically,

right? And

Grandpa,

what's the 
biggest thing you ever put in your mouth?"

"Well, I guess it was maybe the time I put a whole

donut from the Bridgeport Donut Shop down in

Tacoma Washington. That's a pretty big donut

and that fit. Another time, I put a whole manapua

in my mouth...I don't think that either one is as

big as the time I put my foot in my mouth."

"Grandpa, how'd you put a whole foot in your mouth?

Is that even possible, you pathetic Visayan freak?"

"Stick around little girl, you got a lot to learn."

Two Sinkits

Clothes Match Your Food

"So Grandpa, check it out...this is a Sonic the Hedgehog ice cream.
It's blue so it makes my tongue blue...it's cool too cuz I dropped some
on my clothes, but you cannot tell....ha ha ha...that's pretty smart, yeah?"
"Yeah, well you're a smart girl. Let's see how smart you really are....
If you're eating a vanilla ice cream cone, what color shirt should you wear?"
"Oh that's easy, I should wear something white."
"Okay, and if you're eating some strawberry ice cream, what color then?"
"Oh that's easy too, I should wear something pink or red."
"Okay, so what if you're eating some vanilla swirl, gizzards and beef tongue?"
"Oh, that's easy too...I should wear a Justin Beiber shirt."
"Well, you really are a smart little girl."

Julie Pulie Stay Holding da Palagi Baby

"Grandpa, who's this Aunty carrying Naialii?"
"Oh dats your Aunty Julie. Her last name is Larue
but her last name used to be Pule. So that's why I call her
Julie Pulie cuz it rhymes."
"Grandpa,  you know any good Samoan jokes?"
"I forget the jokes but I remember the punch lines:
1. An ulu and a six pack
2. The poi? Oh da poi ket one kirlfriend.
3. A fella fell ofa.
4. Fila painga koing eat my dog

Bruno the Bookbook

"Grandpa, Play Right or No Toys For You!"

"Where'd You Get That Outfit?"

"Grandpa, is that really the Mad Hatter?"
"No, that's your Auntie Francheska. She's just wearing this
outfit cuz that's her Tea Party outfit."
"Where'd she get that outfit?"
"Oh she probably had it laying around in her closet."
"What about Auntie Ysha? Where's her Tea Party outfit?"
"Well my little butter mochi, her outfit is her smile."
"Where'd she get that outfit?"
"Oh, she had it laying around in her mouth."
"Grandpa, where's your outfit?"
"Well my little pork hash, my outfit is my brains."
"Where'd you get that outfit?"
"Where else? ..... it was laying around in my head."
"Grandpa, I don't think it's connected to anything."

(Unrelated video)
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/gossip/2010/06/isaiah-mustafa-new-old-spice-commercial.html

She Didn't Really Say This

"Namaile, what's in your hand?"
"A worm."
"What are you doing with it?"
"I'm holding it."
"Why don't you eat it?"
"I already ate 20 of 'em. I'm full now. How about a beer?"

You Can Close Your Eyes

"Grandpa, what's better? Holding a cat? or holding a baby?"
"Well, we used to have a cat... his name was Hauoli... we had
him when we lived in Brown's Point in Washington... and when
Hauoli would lay on my stomach, I couldn't move until he got
off. That's retarded, I know. I might be late for work or late
for something, but people would have to wait cuz Hauoli was
on my stomach. So that's the same thing with babies.... you
pretty much can't do nothing till that baby wakes up...
cuz all you want to do is look at her and let her hear your
heart beat as you hold her... and then sing her a song real
softly, like 'A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes' or 'Over
the Rainbow' or some James Taylor song. Eventually the
baby grows up and will sing the 'sleeping song' himself.
That's something that cats can't do."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_D0i7UC9UY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVrRpNBosJQ